You've captured a strong mood of unexpected betrayal and shock reaction. Among many fine images 'a morning moon still in the sky ...' is really good, as is 'your blithe departure...' and the final idea 'I lay four bowls ......' For me, the poem seems a bit too wordy. I think it would be even more gut-wrenching if it didn't slip into a plaintive tone. For example: 'I laid four bowls and wondered, what do I tell the kids.' IMO 'wondered' isn't powerful enough, and adding 'four plates' drains the impact of the trauma.
I also look forward to more works.

Comment is about Broken Dreams (blog)

beautiful..the tone slows you down until you are left frozen in bewilderment, thinking about the task at hand in the final stanza. look forward to reading more of your work.

Comment is about Broken Dreams (blog)

Constable would have approved of this poem for sure Bernadette,as I am-ta chuck-Steffo-xx

Comment is about PERFECT DAY (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Thank you Ann and Steph for your encouraging feedback so glad you both liked this one x x

Comment is about START OF A NEW DAY (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

thank you Jacqueline for your comment . Glad you like it.

Comment is about PERFECT DAY (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

thought provoking poem and like youself I too hope they were in love... x x

Comment is about loves parachute (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Love the twist in this Bernadette, brilliant idea.

Comment is about PERFECT DAY (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Hi Greg I like this one and what interests me is the sound play in the lists. Obviously alliteration, but there are more subtle effects with the vowels chiming with each other. I don't have a problem with lines 6 & 7, but maybe line 5 is a little flatter than the rest for my ears and needs a tweak.

Comment is about Something for Everyone (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

This is such a sad poem but the saddest thing is that it actually can be a stark reality of the finality of someones.life....

Comment is about And finally... (blog)

Original item by Steven Kenny

"They say that nothing is that bad.
They say alot now it's over,
and I find that very sad.
They didnt say anything
two days before.."...nearly broke me in two! I was deeply moved by this piece..so poignantly you have expressed the distance between humans and how the bridges are sometimes hastily put up much too late...

Comment is about And finally... (blog)

Original item by Steven Kenny

Thanks for the comments...
I did think this was more of an accessible piece - the title 101 should make you think of where I have taken it from...
I do not want to infuriate the reader but i also don't want to dilute. hmmm...! It never offends Graham but does make me wonder...I think it is just my natural style, I wrote it straight up on site and so appreciate any feedback. I am not really a fan of explaining work too much, a book can't do that to you, obviously that is a little bit different as the narrative would be more straight forward (although I have been aproached there about this too!) but I like the idea of some poetry biting you on the bum with its message and others leaving you jumping with lots of tiny flea bites, wondering why they chose you to feed on...erm, ahem,I am becoming vague again, but I appreciate the way you say you like it. thanks again.

Comment is about 101 (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Hi Bernardette - thanks for the reply in "my profile"
Blue Velvet - synchronicity at work eh?. A great film for me - but you might hate it ! all the best.B

Comment is about TEARDROP (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Well Rodney, the poem is about something we can all relate too. I wonder if you ever write anything positive? If you can't have constructive criticism (which is a very useful thing) I'd keep my trap shut.

Comment is about Hopeful Recovery (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

A lovely open hearted poem Bernadette-thank God for all animal life!where would we be without them? keep the poems coming girlie! thanks-Stef-xx

Comment is about START OF A NEW DAY (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Very sweet Bernedette, and thank you for your comment on one of my poems too! In the early spring I can never believe how tiny the baby rabbits are - they remind of little brown velvet buttons. I was going to write a poem about them - maybe next spring! x

Comment is about START OF A NEW DAY (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

A very early good morning Bernadette-re your little prob of where to put comments/replies etc-it is usual for replies to go on the poets blog-and comments on the poem itself-but a lot of people have been putting replies as well comments on the poems in question-no one seems to mind? hope that was a help? just off for a jog now-to the loo! haha! catch you later Bernadette-warm regards-Stef-xx

Comment is about bernadette herbertson (poet profile)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

I like this one it oozes a realistic side of life that we choose not to think about but know exists ..

Comment is about his first time (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Thanks Ann for your positive comments .If you go to my blog entries you will see my full reply . I am still finding my way around the site and am not sure where to put what ! thanks..x x Bernadette Herbertson

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Thank you Lynn for your positve comments.I am not sure where Iactually post my replys so if you bear with me I am still finding my way aronnd.I you go onto my blog entries you will see my full comments ..thanks x x Bernadette

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Thank you all for your positive feedback,with me being a novice and amongst such talented poetics on WOL I am inspired by your comments to create more poetry. My previous entries in 2009 were more sombre but I am at a better time in my life right now which is reflected in my poetry.I dont know " BLUE VELVET " but the idea of the world being filled with robins & filled with love sounds real nice to me. it's strange but I was out last night and actually had the last dance to the song "BLUE VELVET" ! x x

Comment is about TEARDROP (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

thank you so much for your welcome comments Ann and Stef glad you liked my poem and I too hope the swallows have fledged. best just to think that they have x x

Comment is about A GROWING FAMILY (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Cheers Lynn, glad it gave you a laugh

Comment is about She (blog)

Graham, no it's not but it helps along the way

Comment is about She (blog)

This is very sad, moving too in a very real and melancholy way.
TC

Comment is about And finally... (blog)

Original item by Steven Kenny

W A N K is a fitting description,for the leach ridden, blood sucking, parasitic, money grubbing merry go rounders RANT RANT RANT ha ha I think you have been more than charitable to them.
TC

Comment is about What About The Bankers? (blog)

This has a quality about it Marianne but I hope I don't offend by saying I rarely get your work. I read it and understand the words, but I like it like I adore Italian Opera without understanding Italian.
It is not my place to request that you make your work more accessible, but I sure as hell wish it was.
Great piece, keep up the high standard.

Comment is about 101 (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Money isn't everything, clever piece.

Comment is about She (blog)

Strong piece Steven and just the right length. Wonderful irony and the thought of a multitude of little breaths is eye-catching.

Comment is about And finally... (blog)

Original item by Steven Kenny

"The gravity of your movements
Swells the tides of my emotions"

perfection x

Comment is about The Sea At Night Does Not Rest (blog)

Original item by Tom

Ha ha very good, love the twist at the end!

Comment is about She (blog)

Made me smile too, and I think bankers deserve the 'w' word!! Good one.

Comment is about What About The Bankers? (blog)

Hi Cynthia, thank you for your comments on "Enough's Enough", much appreciated. Most of it is legal actually, but shouldn't be. Thanks again, Lynn x

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Cynthia, I only work part time, thank goodness, but it involves 2 longish days. Believe it or not, it's all legal except that we should have been notified of the changes in advance, and of course the lack of breaks. Thanks for commenting. x

Comment is about Enough's Enough! (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Stefan - What at my age? Ooh young man!! Nah, hubby just laughed, he's a pussy cat, it's me you have to watch! Lol. Don't actually see the boss often as she runs the business from home, which is why I've been going in a skirt and sandals and taking more short breaks. I shall get caught some day soon, I expect! Thanks for comment. xxx

Comment is about Enough's Enough! (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

tha's pretty brutal..very sad too. i like the retrospective view.

Comment is about And finally... (blog)

Original item by Steven Kenny

I can so relate to this, makes me go red just reading it, if only you knew, good one.

Comment is about The Wretched Book of Face (blog)

I like this, made me smile, but being middle aged, the w' word was too rude for me, but I love this it's very funny.

Comment is about What About The Bankers? (blog)

Thanks for taking the time and for your comments

Comment is about I AM (blog)

Sounds too close to a full-time wife-housekeeper-stay-at-home mother with three small kids, the tyrant being 'necessity'. Good observations, Lynn. Not sure how legal they are.

Comment is about Enough's Enough! (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Needs to be read at least 100 times to catch all the nuances, like 'debris' in a cyclone centre. It is the stuff of greatness, I think. 'death as placid as math'; 'Every sunrise is a bird recording' - superb lines of so many. You are writing a bit differently lately, giving us more of a 'life line' to hang on to, in your irrepressible ocean of words.
Title is hilarious.

Comment is about 101 (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

it is indeed open-ended Lynn-till the issue is resolved-no way to treat people at all-and certainly will affect the viability of the firm in the long run-show this great poem to your boss-but stand near the coat rail! lol! shame I,M not still running my decorating firm-you could have worked for me as a ......(its to do with removing old wallpaper)dare not say the word-you might have a cage-fighter husband! lol! later sweetie-Stefo-xx

Comment is about Enough's Enough! (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Written last week, added to this week, feels like it's open ended!

Comment is about Enough's Enough! (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Thanx 4 that Andy, I take it as praise indeed from a man that has stood against as many bars as you!!

Thanx again...C U soon!!

Gus

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Hi Jeffo

I still have nights like that... and being sober and stayin on soft drinks don't help...in fact it's worse ... least ways when ur pissed you think you sound like Casanova... when you're sober you realise you don't even speak Italian.....??? what am I goin on about..

Thanks again C U soon!!

Gus

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Thank you so much to you all... The subject of barriers and delineation has always fasinated me the rest is years of experience gained by leaning up against bars ....and barmaids for that matter!

Comment is about Katie is a Barmaid (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

Dear Lynn! Thank you so much for your comment. I don't know myself how I managed to write "rocket" instead of "racket". When I've noticed that mistake I laughed at myself.
With warmest wishes, Larisa

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Dear Lynn! Thank you so much for your comment. I don't know myself how I managed to write "rocket" instead of "racket". When I've noticed that mistake I laughed at myself.

Comment is about Tennis (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Hi Steve

Went to this last night with Chris and Barry and was glad to have the chance to say personally what a very good play it is. At one level it is simply a good story, well acted, with some nice touches of humour. But there is a lot of sharp observation in there and some real hard questions about modern life - nicely understated.

I liked the way you didn't "over-write" and left the actors scope to use what you gave them, which they took good advantage of. It was well-paced and there were no weak scenes. I particularly liked the centrality of Rob's wobbly attempts to hold on to his humanity amid the pressures and confusion of his situation. The play definitely deserves a wider audience and a longer run. Many thanks for an enjoyable and stimulating evening.

Comment is about Play at the Unity (blog)

Original item by stephen smith

Hi Jack, thanks for your kind comments on my admin page. Winston

Comment is about Jack Pascoe (poet profile)

Original item by Jack Pascoe

Jeff, thanks for commenting on Whitehaven. glad you liked it. win x

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!