You relate so well life's painful, sometimes desperate longing for love, acceptance and understanding.
This poem speaks volumes...

xxx

Comment is about Katie is a Barmaid (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

Thanks Isobel - good point - I forgot to mention! x

Comment is about Flesh (Free Verse) (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

I see you lost the 6th stanza. Thought I'd mention it cos I wouldn't want anyone to think i was talking about the current one which fits in with the rest of the poem. x

Comment is about Flesh (Free Verse) (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Succinct! Was the 6th line staled or stalled? I was just wondering if soured might relate to the milk more closely than staled?

Comment is about Forget The Forgive. (blog)

Photographs by Gemma Lees

Comment is about Mike Robinson makes a welcome return to the Old Boar's Head, Middleton June 2010 (photo)

Photographs by Peter Crompton

Comment is about All aboard the poetry Bus, Hebden Festival July 2010 (photo)

Just saying hello and hope you are well - and I miss you on here! xxxx

Comment is about Rachel McGladdery (poet profile)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Yea, I like this too - enigmatic, but says it all - you're never so lonely as when you're in a crowd - that's why I spend most of my time on my own! ;-) xx

Comment is about New Company (blog)

Original item by Crackling

@Bond What has this poem got to do with you? Perhaps your rage is misplaced, perhaps you suffer from egotistical grandeur, perhaps I suffer from couldn't giva- a- shititis.

Comment is about Kensington (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

I see where you're coming from with the Leonard Cohen, but Brummie?!
Cx

Comment is about Anything Goes (blog)

this is lovely- i know the feeling.

Comment is about New Company (blog)

Original item by Crackling

Thanks Isobel for your kind comments on "Flesh", glad you like the re-write. To be honest, I wondered about the 6th stanza myself, and couldn't decide whether to keep it in or not. It's always true people will think differently but I value your opinion, thanks again. xx

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

ye cannae have 2much of a good 'thang!.....yeh baby! oh! I,ve gone all warm again-won,t tell you where-hee...hee...Stiffen-xx

Comment is about Flesh (Free Verse) (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

IMO this is much stronger than the rhyming version Lynn. I think that 'and bend to kiss my breast' is a much gentler, lovlier image than what you had earlier. In both versions, I like the first two lines - a bold and sensuous introduction to your poem. I'd probably order things differently. Have the stripping off first, the eyes and the french murmurings later... You have to just love poetry - so many avenues we can take when we construct a poem...

There are still refinements you could make if you were really wanting to refine this as a piece. I would get rid of the 'Now you are..' and just say what it is happening - so it doesn't feel like a list of happenings.I'd be tempted to lose the 6th stanza also and just concentrate on the joy of sex - with all the emotional connections implicit. That's for you to decide though. Every one who reads this will give you different opinions. It is hard to know sometimes whether to offer them... not wishing to undermine at all...It is a brave subject matter - I applaud you. x

Comment is about Flesh (Free Verse) (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Not sure about purpling . . . But may remove all the time checks! Got to the beach this morning and the RNLI board always has the tide times. 10.47 sounded like a good title. So I jotted it down sitting on a rock - not my special rock as that was still underwater!

Comment is about High Tide - 10.47 (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi Jeff,
Thank you for your kind comments on "Flesh".
Just been reading your samples and latest blogs, all good stuff, especially like "Glastonbury - no more". Cheers, Lynn x

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Lol, thanks to All.
On reflection I decided the first two lines of verse 4 didn't scan well, so I have re-written these, which actually now makes him not such a multi-lingual clever dick!!! (or a language teacher, hee hee!)
Free verse version to follow...
xx

Comment is about Flesh (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

The heather and the fluttering safety flags make a good contrast to an otherwise somber and threatening vista. I think the contrast is well defined, an atmospheric and chillingly brooding piece of work. The purpling heather in the North Yorkshire moors are beautiful in late summer.
TCX

Comment is about High Tide - 10.47 (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I like purpling the hillside, but then what do I know? Lol. Good poem again, Ann x

Comment is about High Tide - 10.47 (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi Ann, thanks for comments on "Flesh". I often do put in the odd humorous comment, so the "too hot to handle" line was intentional, but if any of the rest sounded comical then it wasn't intended! I shall post a free verse version as well.
Lol, love your comment on him being a language teacher! My REAL guy is the one who started to snore in "Warm Embrace", so this guy could be anything really, though I did say French AFTER A FASHION! Lol, Lynn xx

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

reminds me of a shop we have next door to our chippy-a flesh n sexshop! tee...hee..SW

Comment is about Flesh (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

To me this is a jumbo pack of descriptives too tightly crammed to be be savoured. Dancing streets, restless bedrooms, crowded queues, tousled beds etc. Too much too quickly. it sometimes sounds like a list.

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

There are so many good and bad things about this Ann.
I think that you have diluted your killer last line by using it twice before. I hate the thought of heather "purpling" but love the chaos of waves. I think "if you were there you wouldn't last long" is clumsy but really like the woolly grey sky and the thought of staring down the raging ocean. As always Ann thoughtful stuff.

Comment is about High Tide - 10.47 (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hello Cynthia - an epic it is - that was the feeling I got from it before I read your comment. Your telling of this story is much like an that of an age old tale. It feels more like prose/story than poem to me but that is not a criticism - my latest was a bit like that. Your voice is very passionate and I like that - humanity and love survives amidst all the chaos and horror.

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

I am going to be brave and leave a comment, bearing in mind I don't know the rules of poetry etc, but I am not very good with long poems, bearing this in mind, unless they really flow, but I loved the dancing streets, I loved politics scissored flags, restless bedrooms is brilliant, I love that, I think there are a lot of good ideas, perhaps it should be slightly condensed, somehow, I don't know how, and I don't follow any rules, but am just trying to add a helpful comment, I hope, x

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Blimey, if it's not Vaughan Williams or Marilyn Manson it's just not good enough! No pleasing some people! Just kick those size 5 cloggs off and go for it! x ;-)

Comment is about I'm bored - feel like dancin' anyone? (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Blimey Lynn, something for every occasion it says on your profile, this is romantic and sensual for a sunday morning! Great stuff.

Thanks for comment on 'Our Father' - I had to keep changing the words as the nightmare got worse! ha, best wishes Jeff X

Comment is about Flesh (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Thanks very much for your suggestions, Cynthia. You're right, it is a bit shambolic, as is most of my poetry, but the trouble is, it's meant to be a sonnet, and so removing lines 6 and 7 would put me in breach of the trades descriptions act!

Comment is about Something for Everyone (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Being a man of the cloth(ears) I find this quite,quite disgraceful,especially being a holy day-shocking! shocking! please write some more-ASAP! OOO! I,m overcome with emulsion-or something similar-ha!red 'ot! (HISSS)TEFAN-XXX

Comment is about Flesh (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Ann. Ta for your comments on Anything Goes. It's one of my Leonard Cohen impressions.

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

By gum, Alison! This opens a new perspective on climbing for me. Like the earthiness.

Comment is about Climber boy (blog)

Original item by Alison Smiles

Hi - Just relocated to this poem- cos you updated your profile I guess - Think it is great, and it says it all - not sure about the Ken and Diedre photo though! But if you love someone, what the heck!

Comment is about Glitter in an Afro (blog)

Original item by Mia Darlone

Thank you all for your comments, I'm sorry not to get back individually, I'll be more socialable on this site once my production is over and I've come up for air.

Mia x

PS Gus - I've gone brunette!

Comment is about Glitter in an Afro (blog)

Original item by Mia Darlone

Hope things have improved since May 18th Crackling - it must have been very traumatic for you!

Comment is about Crackling (poet profile)

Original item by Crackling

Wow! Latin, French and romance all at once! Is he a language teacher, your guy? x

Comment is about Flesh (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Hi Lynn - I just saw Isobel's comment on Flesh and your reply to her about rhyming etc. Funnily enough, you said that rhyming works better in an amusing poem. I think that with Flesh, the rhyme almost made it into an amusing poem, which was probably not what you intended! It would be interesting to see a second version in free verse and compare. x

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Yep - I hear what you are saying. I often start of a poem in free verse and then whittle away at it until it near as damn it rhymes - it must be the musician in us... or old habits dying hard LOL x

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Hi Isobel, thank you for commenting on "Flesh". Before I joined WOL I had only ever written rhyming poetry, but I have recently dabbled with free verse - in "Arillas" and "Warm Embrace" for instance, yet sometimes I have to actually change verses because they ended up rhyming anyway!! I actually think rhyming works better with comical poems, but free verse is probably better with the romantic. Thanks for advice anyway, always welcome, and I shall give it more of a try. xx

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

I really like 'top-brass gleam in searing (summer) sun' and 'grave-sounding holy men'. The couplet at the end is also good. The driving 'beat' sometimes trips up and lessens the power of your words in this chosen form.

You encourage me to try a real sonnet also.

Comment is about FOURTH SONNET (blog)

I'm with Graham all the way. Good piece, Ann. I'm beginning to think of your work as 'the Foxglove flair'.

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

There are some nice ideas in here Lynn but some of the rhyme feels forced.
Have you ever tried writing in free verse? I found it really hard to do at first, cos like you, I like the musical feel of rhyme. Sometimes free verse does feel more natural though. x

Comment is about Flesh (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

I like the sentiment. Saying it has 'potential' sounds so snarky, but it is what I do think. I know the lack of 'form' is implicit with the Woolie's idea of harum-scarum goods for sale, but I still think it could be, as a poem, more organized to fully express your thought. I would drop lines 6 and 7 of the first stanza as an example. I don't see what they contribute to encapsulate your idea.

Comment is about Something for Everyone (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Yes, Graham, I did. Chris Co was very encouraging about it, but it just 'fizzled' before. I'm kind of keen to see if any newer WOLers have any comments. It was a marked departure in style, sort of epic in character. (I use the word 'epic' rather loosely!)

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sorry I didn't see your comment before I posted!

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Have you posted this before Cynthia? Something is certainly reminiscent of this in my head?

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

When I read this in Sale last week I was appalled to find I had in my hand a 'very early' version. But who would know, except me. I'm done with revising now. War is big on everyone's minds, as always.

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

I can honestly say I have never had a creamy whirl - but do you remember Jubblies?

Comment is about I'm bored - feel like dancin' anyone? (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

i love this, especially;
'i ate the black
and my viens turned white,
the line of chalk between us
sometimes smeared.
it all reminds me of alice through the glass..lovely x

Comment is about Sister Houdini (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

i like the way you describe the affection...but the ending made me cringe...maybe im just fed up of people batting their eyes and talking shit at me thinking it make them delicously unnattainable and unique yet they all do it thomas....im not impressed, short pauses annoy me. but i do like the way youve described that cascade of feeling. and its only my jaded opinion.

Comment is about Adrienne (blog)

Original item by Tom

Gremlins Gorn or sleeping Winston.

Comment is about Crackling (poet profile)

Original item by Crackling