The last three lines say more than the rest of the piece put together for me.
Comment is about No way out (blog)
Original item by Dermot Glennon
Do sharks pounce? Maybe they lunge! Sounds like you lead a life surrounded by dangerous things - keep safe!
Comment is about scary thoughts... (blog)
Original item by JEFF.W
I really like this, I love that it's done with a light touch, just like the beautiful picture. Thanks for your comment on mine by the way,
Rachel
x
Comment is about Comparing Mythologies (blog)
Original item by Tom Harding
Hey. I'm not quite sure of the cliches you're speaking of but I will take another look. I composed the poem in about ten minutes and so perfection wasn't expected. I'll give it a re-edit at some point. Thanks for your comments.
Comment is about John Turner (poet profile)
Original item by John Turner
Hello Andreas. Welcome to WOL. Be good to see some of your work on here.
Comment is about Andreas Grant (poet profile)
Original item by Andreas Grant
Welcome to WOL Ant. You sound very accomplished. Enjoyed the pace of Far Too Many.
Comment is about Ant Smith (poet profile)
Original item by Ant Smith
Hello John. WOL can't find friends for you but you'll certainly get some honest comments about the work you post up. There are some great lines in Left Over. Drop a few of the cliches and concentrate on your own strong words. Oh and welcome of course.
Comment is about John Turner (poet profile)
Original item by John Turner
Hi Jane . I would like to listen to your audio but it's too faint? Win
Comment is about Kids in Buckets (blog)
Original item by jane wilcock
REVELATION 2
I am very bad at 'getting' other people's obscurity (love my own of course) but I found some really nice linguistic touches. I gather you do your own translation, so the question arises: "How much is lost in?" (:o)
Comment is about Natasha (poet profile)
Original item by Natasha
Hi Cynthia
I enjoyed this - very vivid. But I did feel sorry for the poor chaps working on the line while it was still LIVE. Heavens, what happened to Health & Safety? Thanks for commenting on the Puzzled poem. I've never got anything so annoying out of a cracker!
Comment is about Force Seven (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Very powerful Mike. And once we are free of all the labels and all the indoctrination there is still a 'man upstairs'. I like that. thanks for commenting on my Puzzled thing, which can't hold a candle to this
Comment is about Freedoms Of.............. (blog)
Original item by Noetic-fret!
A trainspotter writes: my only disappointment about this poem was that you did not continue the train theme in subsequent verses! What sort of line would your trains run on, Ann? Very scenic, of course, and with plenty of campaigners to make sure it was never threatened with closure
Comment is about my love is like the train waiting (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Enjoyed this Tommy. A government minister has now assured us it will be alright to clear outside out houses - we won't get sued. So that's OK. Thanks for commenting on Puzzled.
Comment is about Advice to bi-peds (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
This is a rather amusing one Chris!
Yeah... blame it on 'Little Miss' and 'that tumbling “dream” of a dryer'... etc... LOL
Francine x
Comment is about Pants (blog)
Funny, well-observed, true, near-perfect. I would prefer it without caps and exclamation mark at the end. The audio version doesn't have them, I notice. You may be snowed in but are producing great stuff
Comment is about newsreaders (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Merci beaucoup Gus pour tes commentaires sur mon poème
'Bound together'...
Je suis toujours ravie quand ce que j'écris te plais : )
xxx
Comment is about Gus Jonsson (poet profile)
Original item by Gus Jonsson
<Deleted User> (6895)
Sun 10th Jan 2010 19:49
Good evening,unusually named Carmine(nice)second line suggestion-"another pint,from another pot"?.good poem nevertheless,clever.Thanks-Regards-Stefan
Comment is about Lost In Drink (blog)
Original item by Carmine Grimshaw
Je t'adore Isobel !
Merci beaucoup pour tes commentaires sur mon poème 'Bound together'...
Tu me touches toujours avec ta générosité...
Et tu me fais constamment rire - qu'est-ce qu'on va s'amuser quand je viens visiter : )
xxx
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
Thanks Rachel! V kind of you. I quite often have men laughing... but usually that's when Ive taken off my clothes... ;)
Comment is about Mab Jones (poet profile)
Original item by Mab Jones
Like this very much Steve. Please excuse my ignorance if it's something really obvious - but what is the significance to 2 degrees? I've heard before of 6 degrees of separation, but not 2.
Cx
Comment is about 2 Degrees (blog)
darren thomas
Sun 10th Jan 2010 18:01
"This speck of dust I occupyWith a billion other fools"
This is a great opening line. It has lyrical rhythmic quality that I can almost hear 'Grip' by The Stranglers being played over the top of it...but maybe that's just me. Pity that it loses this rhythm a little way in but the first few lines drew me in nevertheless. Nice one Steve.
Comment is about 2 Degrees (blog)
cheers synf, corrected it be, felt something of the pillock when I read that, especially as presented. <grin>
and that you too foxy, I can actually still feel that moment when I re-read, rewarding that you can sense too.
Comment is about Joy to watch (blog)
Original item by Christopher Dawson
This flows really well...
Great message!
And how did you get that little degree sign?
I can't find one on my computer...
Comment is about 2 Degrees (blog)
Blimey! A lot of lovely and inciteful comments. I found stuff to do while I was trapped, but I wrote this on my third day there, when cabin fever was manifest in weird dreams I was having.
It is, as Cynthia says, roughly written and that took a while to get right/wrong, because it initially came out too rigidly rhythmical and the prosody was too bouncy for the feeling I was expressing(like writing a sad song to the tune of here we go round the mullberry bush).
Thanks all and big hugs back! x
Comment is about No way out (blog)
Original item by Dermot Glennon
steve mellor
Sun 10th Jan 2010 13:46
Hi Cynthia
Thanks for the comment.
I know it sounds naive, but I'm not sure what 'worked on' means. Put before a workshop? I wouldn't go near one. I'm not blase, it's just that a poem wouldn't be mine afterwards.
The poem came to mind after the Copenhagen conference on climate change, and a comment by a scientist that we are only 2 degrees away from an irreversible change in our climate.
xx Steve xx
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
And a joy to read. This ls lovely, Christopher. I do appreciate reading new lyric poetry that uses talented rhyme and metre to express special moments from the 'natural' world around us.
Please check 'distain'; I think you want 'disdain' for 'haughty indifference'. When we say the word most of us put the 't' sound into it, like 'distance', because it's easier.
Comment is about Joy to watch (blog)
Original item by Christopher Dawson
Pete Crompton
Sun 10th Jan 2010 13:03
"Rude logic measures the steel, the wind, the wand" love that.
thanks for your encouragement and continued comment, I read your profil and would love to chat apres poetry event! Never enough time to talk at these gigs!
Pete x
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Pete Crompton
Sun 10th Jan 2010 12:59
I have heard you reading a few times and really enjoy. Russian sounds beautiful and I think that it is a passionate language in the way it sounds. I studied Russian cold war politics and would love to travel there.
"And even shattered schick of shelter ..I’m
Half blooded card of subdivided suit!"
love the 'shattered shick' idea.
Would like to see more readings from you sometime.
Comment is about Natasha (poet profile)
Original item by Natasha
<Deleted User> (7164)
Sun 10th Jan 2010 12:58
Hey Steve, great to see you posting.
Loving this poem too.
Janet.x
Comment is about 2 Degrees (blog)
Super, Tommy. Your brain cells are whizzing. The first line is out-standing. Are there enough syllables to arrange into a tanka or cinquain? Just curious.
Comment is about Advice to bi-peds (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Really good.Great title. It sounds 'worked on'. If it wasn't, I'm so envious.
Comment is about 2 Degrees (blog)
Looking forward and looking back. The Janus thing is always tinged bittersweet. Welcome to WOL Carmine.
Comment is about Carmine Grimshaw (poet profile)
Original item by Carmine Grimshaw
I like this, and I love crows and rooks and ravens. I think they often look as if they are swooping around up there on a windy day for the joy of simply doing it.
Comment is about Joy to watch (blog)
Original item by Christopher Dawson
Thought the title was brilliant to this one Tommy... take care on those roads. Win
Comment is about Advice to bi-peds (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
I'm also working with an exceptional artist, Ken McCalla and have developed a children's picture book;
"Vircheu and the Bow".
Now available at Foyles, New Beacon Bookshop, www.enkbooks.co.uk, Amazon and your local bookshop.
Comment is about Eli Anderson (poet profile)
Original item by Eli Anderson
Hi Cynthia. A heavtweight poem this. Impressive. Made me tired reading it. lol. a difficult and lonely job for these men on the lines. It reminded me of the lyrcs in a Nanci Griffith song (below)
Nobody seems to care about you
With your tool case by the roadside
There beneath the power lines
Or the pallor of your skin
Paled beneath fluorescent lights
In a Greyhound station's cruel midnight
Where you can't afford the ride
Oh, the power lines
They go from sea to sea
They carry voices
Love from him to me
The power lines you fall beneath
Are the rainbows you can't climb
Comment is about Force Seven (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Hi Cynthia. thanks for reading 'Browns Convention'. the poem has been edited and I have added some commentary on the blog. Win :-)
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Pete Crompton
Sun 10th Jan 2010 00:04
The Best Chris. Absolute and superb. So so proud of you. Clean and tight writing. WOW! 'the bath tub that is left behind' wow! what a line, that is art, so proud Chris.
so happy for you, you just keep going
Love Pete
once again, wow, what a poem. Love it. Morrissey would be proud of this baby
Comment is about Newly Married Man Takes A Cashiers Job At A Supermarket And Studies At The Open University In The Hope Of Bettering Himself. (blog)
<Deleted User> (7123)
Sat 9th Jan 2010 23:58
Considering you're new to rhyme this really is very good indeed! Even if you were an 'old hand' at it I would still have that opinion.Some lovely original imagery here.(Shirley Alexander spotted my favourite!)..... the rhyme isn't forced but flows quite naturally from the story and every word is apt and precise.I would agree with a few of the comments about the structure and the use of capitals at the beginning of each line. I think the poem would be easier to read from the page with lower case, especially as a lot of your lines which have end rhymes continue without pause into the next line. It took me several readings to get to grips with the way the poem is meant to read rather than how it looks, but in terms of the content, the imagery, the rhyme and rhythm, you clearly have a natural talent which should be encouraged. The fact you have maintained iambic pentameter almost throughout without even realising it indicates your instinctive feel for pleasing poetic rhythm and form. Lovely stuff!!:-)
Comment is about Darling Sweatheart (blog)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
<Deleted User> (7164)
Sat 9th Jan 2010 21:28
Pent up? Negative? Dermot?
No way! Roughly written? Oh yeah!
Dermot i mean not the poem. :-)
I feel for you Dermot but trust me, driving around in this weather is not recommended and certainly not a relaxing pastime. Stress of it finally got the better of me today.
Janet.x
Comment is about No way out (blog)
Original item by Dermot Glennon
<Deleted User> (6895)
Sat 9th Jan 2010 21:04
Good evening catgut twanging Cate.this poem makes me want to get 'me kaftan on.you look well Diana-ish in the pikky.desirable even-woo-oo! yep,good poem-hari-krishna dude-Stefan-ps-are there bags behind the shades?too much WOL!lol!
Comment is about Taj At Sunset (blog)
Original item by Cate
<Deleted User> (7164)
Sat 9th Jan 2010 20:30
Hi Cate,
thanks for commenting on my poem about Miles Platting. I like 'gritty' and Northern, although we could do with some real grit around here lately eh!
Janet.x
Comment is about Cate (poet profile)
Original item by Cate
<Deleted User> (7164)
Sat 9th Jan 2010 20:27
Hi Isobel, thanks for commenting on my poem about Miles Platting.
I enjoy personifying places and birds/animals too.
It's a while since i wrote one.
Janet.x
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
<Deleted User> (7164)
Sat 9th Jan 2010 20:22
Hi Paul,
just want to say i've read your Bach Remedy haiku. Every one of them and i love them. Great simplistic photographic images also. I'm pleased you didn't use the traditional form 5-7-5 for these. They're wild flowers and need to be free.
Janet.x
Comment is about Paul Conneally (poet profile)
Original item by Paul Conneally
Ann Foxglove
Sun 10th Jan 2010 22:25
Well, I've heard of the Three Degrees! I thought this was going to be about how we are ignoring the horrors of the world and only talking about the minus degrees (weather) but you surprised me Steve.
Comment is about 2 Degrees (blog)