Thanks, Cynthia. I can see what you mean. I had toyed with:
Rain's small rivers on the train window
refract grey light, distort landscapes
But I like rhythm of the first line you suggested and the alliteration in the second line. Let's give it a try...
Comment is about Hidden horizons (blog)
Original item by Andy Ainsworth
J'ai voté.
Comment is about Write Out Loud's Julian Jordon nominated for 'unsung hero' award (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
I like the:
`Butterflies hovered serenely in meditation`
And the way your stuff is spreading.
Comment is about When Stars Danced. (blog)
Original item by Ged Thompson
I like the way this tangled rail-track web ofmetaphore mirrors those web-like pictures of the brain threads that they show, and the `Beeching` reference. Together with the wheels losing their grip and `sliding back` it is alla solid and poetically apt representation ofAlzheimers.
As an example of using the ordinary words of a past even to express the sadness and sense of loss of a present illness it is excellent.
Comment is about Re-Winding Memories (blog)
Original item by Nick Coleman
Ah the blue eyes of Peter O'Toole,
Haunting me since the day I left school.
I believe he had no interest in female anatomy.
Some old friend once told that to me.
Outstanding as Lawrence of Arabia,
And a fine actor, although maybe a
bit overshadowed by Omar Sharif,
whose dark eyes expressed ineffable grief.
Comment is about SIXTIES' COOL (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
CLITS AND LABIA!!!??? How very dare you?
Either you've got something stuck on your mind, MC, or you need a rhyming dictionary.
This is the first (and, I hope, only time) I ever write "LOL" but it really did make me LOL.
Comment is about SIXTIES' COOL (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Tim Sherwood or George Graham?
They'd be better off playing you, me and a couple of toby jugs at the back at the minute. What happened to the most miserly defence in the country?
(I carry the map above around with me just in case)
Comment is about Hey There, Vagina (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Sorry I was a little confused at first john. I thought the picture was the THFC line-up but then corrected myself. The above is actually useful!!
Well I suppose my namesake left i/c at Spurs can't really do much worse.
Have a brilliant Christmas JC, whichever manger you're in!!
GS
Comment is about Hey There, Vagina (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
NO WAY!
Look what I've found.
http://www.oddee.com/item_97857.aspx
Comment is about Hey There, Vagina (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Just as well the votings till midnight - Cinders here has a nativity play to sit through now, followed by an orchestral concert on the other side of Wigan. Will get my vote in before the clock strikes 12 :)
Comment is about Write Out Loud's Julian Jordon nominated for 'unsung hero' award (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Each - many thanks for your kind thoughts on my Christmas No 1.
I would agree with you Izzy about the simplicity of the male organ. When you get to my age it's remembering what it's for that,s more complicated.
Anthony - I have one waiting in the oven for Selby Abbey, "Like a Verger".
Comment is about Hey There, Vagina (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Clitoris - it's one of those words that's difficult to remember for me - always on the tip of my tongue. I look forward to the Selby Abbey performance of this work - now that really would be a cunning stunt. All the best for Crimbo John - and looking forward to more earthy guffaws in 2014!
Regards,
A.E.
Comment is about Hey There, Vagina (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Great performance Laura - I much enjoyed this on the night and now!
Still having major problems accessing stuff on WOL - hence the patchy commenting pattern. Will have to get my nephew to have a look at my machine :(
Comment is about Writing In Fire - live version (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
'I’d really like to think I am a liberated, modern man
(I often pick my socks up off the floor)'
If that's the definition, then I think I must be a modern liberated man as well ;)
Very amusing John - dare I say that it would go down well in the right venues :)
You gents are so lucky - there's no confusion with the ladies over your erogenous bits!
Merry Christmas to you... xx
Comment is about Hey There, Vagina (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
It is good. I just don't quite like the 'as' in an opening line. Would you even consider:
Small rivers on the train window
rain refracts grey light, distorts landscapes
IMO, the alliteration and musical quality takes on a new breadth. Just a thought.
Comment is about Hidden horizons (blog)
Original item by Andy Ainsworth
Good theme - very universal. Always good to see you posting.
IMO, I suggest two changes - for rhythm and verb tense respectively:
With each sunset
sunrise waits'
and
here in downy refuge lies
(unless you are using 'lay' as 'song' which doesn't quite work either.)
Comment is about Moving On (blog)
Many thanks, MC. You're right about this having its linkage with a previous poem, but not the last one - I think; more like "The Naming of the Parts". Certainly - I re-used the pic.
Comment is about Hey There, Vagina (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Excellent review, Dave. I hope to get the book in the New Year.
Comment is about On Euclid Avenue: J Fergus Evans, Flapjack Press (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
I take the view that the nominee is a pathfinder
in poetry - someone who has gone before to open
up new avenues for those who seek direction and
their own means of literary adventure and exploration.
Well deserved.
Comment is about Write Out Loud's Julian Jordon nominated for 'unsung hero' award (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
You lucky lot. And Gaia too. If only 'wishes were horses.'
Comment is about Rhyme and metre and the rhythm of rail at Sowerby Bridge (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Really enjoyed the musical setting and the
inventive lyrics and wonder if there is any
connection between this post and its predecessor?!
Poor young mankind - it's such a strain
When the dick controls the brain
A cool eye - like a medico
Would help that ready,steady, go.
Heading heedless for that funnel
Like an express train in Box Tunnel.
All that coming and all that going
All that tiring to-and-fro-ing.
Nature's got one way of knowing
If the grass was worth the mowing...
In nine months will a kid be showing?!!
Comment is about Hey There, Vagina (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Hahaa :D I've heard it, it's bloody great :D
Comment is about Click It (blog)
Original item by Dave Carr
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9wiGEDdcQc&feature=youtu.be
Comment is about Writing In Fire - live version (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Howdy - re McGarrigle's Glasgow. Thought about it, grew to really like it, have changed it. Thanks Cynth!
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Thought about it, grew to really like it, have changed it. Thanks Cynth and Darren!
Comment is about McGarrigle’s Glasgow (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
I have voted!
You deserve to win, Julian. You are inspirational.
Comment is about Write Out Loud's Julian Jordon nominated for 'unsung hero' award (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Hello Stockport WOL! - I've just seen info about an award - "Unsung Hero" - and Julian is one of the people nominated. I'll be voting for him of course! - just thought I'd mention this! Dorinda x
Comment is about Stockport WoL (group profile)
Original item by Stockport WoL
And then maybe a video with relevant dance moves?
Comment is about Click It (blog)
Original item by Dave Carr
A welcome update, Starfish. It would be nice if common-sense prevailed.
I myself have a soft spot for beavers.
Comment is about Reprieve (blog)
Original item by Starfish
Agreed with Steve and Starfish, Dave. Audio! Audio! Audio!.
Comment is about Click It (blog)
Original item by Dave Carr
Very poignant, MC. I particularly like the phrase "manifest its worth".
Comment is about THOUGHTS AT CHRISTMAS (2) (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Brilliant piece of writing Tom. I was truly enveloped by it.
Nice work.
Mike
Comment is about Fulfillment (blog)
Original item by Tom
Hello Aaron, yeah I really feel for you in this piece. I have been that man too whom has presented himself at A & E when I have been severely unwell. I suffer from PTSD and have a diagnosis of Schizophrenia. And yes, fully understand how you feel about those that are said to treat us. I have been a revolving door patient now for near on twenty years, and still there seems no cure in sight. Theses mental illnesses are perhaps the worst type of suffering a human being can go through, as it degrades you like no other illness. In the main most of those I have come into contact with, do want to cure, but there are some who shouldn't be in the care team of the psychiatrist, who in honesty may not hold the answer to well being. I guess it's about coping mechanisms, and learning to live with it as best you can. It's something that may take a lifetime, for a lifetime of abuses experienced, but until the world changes that's who it will always be.
I have tried to take my life several times because of these maladies, and as for normal people, please take solace that they don't have the brain power you have, and are for all intents and purposes, dumbed down; for it is said that those suffering from Mental Disorders use more brain than that of so called normal people. I guess, having a higher than average intellect is just as much a handicap, as those born with severe impairment of the brain.
Hey, it takes time, but life does get better.
Please believe that. I sit now, even with all my suffering, and frequent attempts at suicide, with a wonderful wife, and two children to my name who we both adore. It's not easy living with Mental Ill Health, but there are still those out there who do not judge you badly for your suffering, despite only gaining attention when someone who has mental ill health, kills someone else. We are in the main painted in a bad light, but, we feel more than others, for we truly know suffering, we truly know the unfairness and degradation of human spirit. It is an experience, one that i wouldnt want my children to suffer. And to that end, I am bringing them up with all the love I didn't have as a child, for that in essence, is where it all stems from.
Best wishes and much love to you.
Mike
x
Comment is about The Mind F***er (blog)
Original item by Aaron Dinsdale
Sun 15th Dec 2013 21:16
Pathway is beautiful
Comment is about NICK ARMBRISTER (poet profile)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
Thanks for looking in on my efforts,
best wishes,
Steve
Comment is about cbyrne (poet profile)
Original item by cbyrne
Sad thing is, there are still plenty of tyrants around who will demand the deaths of young men. Mugabe, Kim Jong-un to name but two . .
Comment is about THOUGHTS AT CHRISTMAS (2) (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
The internet is changing the world, even shopping! Think Starfish is right- a audio entry is required!
Steve
Comment is about Click It (blog)
Original item by Dave Carr
Well expressed, I can imagine myself there!
Comment is about Hidden horizons (blog)
Original item by Andy Ainsworth
Stimulated my interest Frances. I have been a long time fan of Isaac Bashevis Singer of whom we hear little these days. His Jews are real flesh and blood people with the same strengths and weaknesses as the rest of humankind, people who "are not only Nazi victims but victims of their own personalities and fate" (intro to "The Enemies:A Love Story". (Penguin 1977) New York's Jewish Daily Forward, a Yiddish newspaper must have been really forward, and brave, to publish his warts and all stories of life through Jewish eyes.He won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1978. Any reason why we hear little of him these days?
Dave
Comment is about To Sing Away the Darkest Days: Norbert Hirschhorn, Holland Park Press (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Sun 15th Dec 2013 18:20
Your samples are great! Thanks for sharing.
Comment is about Steve Higgins (poet profile)
Original item by Steve Higgins
Kenneth Eaton-Dykes
Sun 15th Dec 2013 17:06
That's a lovely thought, so profound, and "Christmas puddingly", rich in content
Comment is about THOUGHTS AT CHRISTMAS (2) (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Hi Steve - writing screenplays was/is a great
experience, not only the discipline of creating
a story but the translation of it into the
correct format...and being able to accept
rejection as "the norm". Certainly, I found
the best way was to send an intro. letter/
email first to invite any interest "without prejudice". My biggest achievement was to have
a script solicited by the VP of production at
Paramount Studios in Hollywood - almost unheard
of in a $$$$$ industry that is paranoid about
accusations of plagiarism and the possibility
of lawsuits!! It wasn't taken up but, almost
two years to the day, a film called "Hard Rain"
appeared which contained many similarities to
my own submission. That always intrigued me!!!
Now I'm having as much fun and satisfaction with songs and verse. It all helps keep the
mind active and busy in retirement.
Cheers - and good luck with your own material.
Never give up.
Comment is about Steve Higgins (poet profile)
Original item by Steve Higgins
An interesting/entertaining view on the availability of online shopping.
Personally, I value it...with a large extended
family to consider, especially at Christmas.
Keeping in touch via email (far more often than
was the case when letter writing was "the norm")
plus remembering birthdays at short notice is to be welcomed!
Comment is about Click It (blog)
Original item by Dave Carr
You should read at Chinley station John, except that, of chins, you appear to me to have but the one. Excellent poetry, excellent readings. Greg, you are too self-effacing. You read some wonderful poems in your excellent set. Well done Freda. I won't mention the dandelion and burdock. Oops.
Comment is about Rhyme and metre and the rhythm of rail at Sowerby Bridge (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Hi Cynthia I'll send you a copy of my current book Work Horses. I've run out of copies of the one before called In the Distance. Still, if you can't get enough I'm siure you'll get a cheap copy on Amazon. Anyway, I hope you find some stuff you like it it. BEst wishes DAvid
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
With great pleasure:
Cynthia Buell Thomas,
#3 Willow Tree Court,
Brooklands Rd., Sale'
Cheshire, UK
M33 3SE
Comment is about David Cooke (poet profile)
Original item by David Cooke
thanks Cynthia for your comments on strange love. am always a little nervous about comedy pieces about what is funny or not, writing serious pieces is often much more easy i think but am pleased you like this. thanks gray
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
thanks Patricia &Stefan and Cynthia for your comments here. am always a little nervous about comedy pieces about what is funny or not, and like i told you andy before while this is a fictional piece, there are elements which are true, most of this thankfully is fiction! lol but i am grateful you like this. it means a lot to me. thanks gray
Comment is about Strange Love (blog)
Original item by Gray Nicholls
<Deleted User> (6895)
Sun 15th Dec 2013 11:12
Doesnt matter which 'bit'you put yourself into,we were right there behind you-camera in hand!
great piece.xx
Comment is about Strange Love (blog)
Original item by Gray Nicholls
Laura Taylor
Tue 17th Dec 2013 09:19
Cheers Is :)
Must admit, felt real nice to perform those two poems - so different to what I've been doing so much of lately!
Comment is about Writing In Fire - live version (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor