Hi Kealan... This one is outstanding for me amongst recent blog entries. It is complete, rounded and serves up an atmosphere to savour without too much searching. Win

Comment is about Beach. (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

I enjoyed this. I read it aloud and it sounded better. is there more? Seems like there should be.

Comment is about Christmas Message (blog)

Loved this Ann . Steves suggestions all work for me too. what about the repeat of the word 'focus' in the first part ? can there be an alternative?
We comment because we like! Win x

Comment is about HD (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

This is a heavenly poem. Sad and lovely, and spoke to me, who lost someone almost exactly two years ago.

Comment is about Villtur Augum (blog)

Original item by Deborah Jordan Bailey

Thanks for your comments on my HD poem. I agree with what you say. As so often, I rushed to put the poem on. Have turned breath into breathe, which is what it was meant to be. I think my problem is that my poems jump into my head then right onto the page without me thinking much about them! Nice to get such a lot of caring feedback! xx

Comment is about garside (poet profile)

Original item by garside

wah?

Comment is about Tommy Carroll (poet profile)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Yes I like the new structure Steve suggests also - it adds. I hope you won't feel got at though Ann. Just so long as people don't do it to every poem you write, it can be a really worthwhile experience. I can remember having a lot of outside input into one of mine once and it was helpful - though I ended up just adding the different versions underneath - the important thing for me in every poem being the message in it rather than the dotting of Is and crossing of Ts. The message in this one is quite beautiful.

Comment is about HD (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi Ann

I like the idea of this poem of yours

i would consider loosing capital lettters unless used directly after a punctuation mark, and would consider three separate stanzas as opposed to one.

Don’t want a high definition kind of love
I want soft focus.
Breath on the lens for me
Smear butter on the glass
Let things slide gently
In and out of focus.

Don’t want a high definition kind of love
Let it fade.
Let a misty haze
Play on our bodies.
As the shadows deepen
And we move softly into
Our inner space.

I know we’re not perfect now
But then we never really were.
And I love you just the way you are.
You’re beautiful to me -
you always will be!


is it breath or breathe on the lens? breathe gives it much more 'feel' - as it is occurring in the mind of the reader as it is read - for me this allows a feel of connection with the world of the writer and such the potential for empathy and other such - makes it more real...

i agree with Isobel re the rhyming thing - it feels rushed - i get that the end bit is where you want to take off and thus the poem completes - however, while we all as readers sense the runway, it is the vehicle of words which predicts the quality of the 'lift-off' so to speak :-)

steve x

i like the idea you have here

Comment is about HD (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

this is a very good poem IMHO & in style & sentiment very reminiscent of "divorce" by kate bingham - worth a look on google.

Comment is about HD (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

brilliant ! I love the dog ate the appendix etc.
I've added my similar ramblings written a couple of years ago - "urban planning"

Comment is about Renovating Sputniks (blog)

Original item by Horace Thespider

Hi CBT ty!

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

TY Andy!

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Ty K!

Comment is about Kealan Coady (poet profile)

Original item by Kealan Coady

Damnit! You're totally right about the sewed/sowed thing... I'm so used to writing cliched stuff "you'll reap what you sow" it just came off automatically. Nice one on the kind comments, cheers :)

Comment is about NEW POEM: Seven Years (For R.B.) (blog)

ps
you may like to change the "sowed" to "sewed" unless you meant your stitches to fall on the earth instead of unravel? One can never tell with poets these days!!

Comment is about NEW POEM: Seven Years (For R.B.) (blog)

Well Captain, this is a rant of the best sort. This will resonate with many readers for many reasons. Im not usually a ranty sort of person myself, but this touches so many nerves that I can forgive you the odd fuck or two.
Cate xx

Comment is about NEW POEM: Seven Years (For R.B.) (blog)

Thanks for agreeing Cynthia and for not being offended Ann. I very rarely suggest changes and only when I really like a poem enough to bother. The punch line is so important cos it's the last impression the reader takes away with them - worth taking time over. I think the change you made works. Thanks for your WOLOP vote also - I totally agree with your choice and it might well have been mine, had I been able to vote. x

Comment is about HD (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Not a silly poem Rach. It's funny how others see our stuff. I've written a poem in about 5 minutes, while watching TV and talking to my son all at the same time, and then find that others say it is the best thing I've done. Then there's maybe a poem I feel proud of that no-one notices. But the one you may write on the back of a fag packet, without even thinking about it, maybe the better poem. Where do they all come from? That's what I'd like to know - or maybe better not knowing! ;-) xx

Comment is about Snow (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Cynthia, I take the point entirely. It had slipped my notice.It ought to be '....as a grey slush cadaver...'
I'll put it right
cheers and a happy new year,
Rachel
x

Comment is about Snow (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

It is good, Rachel. Nothing like one-on-one with creation, whether it be a snowflake or a bird or a flower; it is a very exhilarating existence to live like this.
Watch for grammar agreements (which I mention only because you are so good). If you went straight for: But doomed to end as grey slush cadavers... you'd have no hitch with singular and plural. You would also lose the intimacy of the individual flake that I think you want. Small, small point, but consider it.

Comment is about Snow (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

I totally agree with Isobel; it is now better. Punch lines are hard to formulate; they usually work best as irony, or a complete new thought. I think that recapitulation is rarely effective except in comedy. And what is 'weak' about hope expressed as conviction? Except the very essence of the idea, of course.

Comment is about HD (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

If anyone is still following this - a blue moon is the second full moon within one month - fairly rare - once every two-three years. Having the event coincide with our calendar's New Year's Eve must be incredible. It is possible to calculate but I'm not doing it. Those late evening walks sound incredible - so - quintessentially English!

Comment is about Blue Moon Tonight, People (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

I changed it! It's a bit weak maybe, but more in keeping. (For anyone who cares, it DID end "but not in HD")

Comment is about HD (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I agree Isobel, but couldn't resist the rhyme! It does cheapen it a bit, may change it. xx

Comment is about HD (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi Isobel - I totally agree about the last line, but I couldn't resist the rhyme! Might change it. Happy Noo Year!

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

I adored Beautiful Girl, it had me in stitches. It also made my other half laugh too, no mean feat. The King is Dead had some fabulous ryhthms in it, I read it aloud (to the other half again) and the "son of a mother..."stanza in particular was just gorgeous to read.
Rachel
x

Comment is about Mab Jones (poet profile)

Original item by Mab Jones

Really like this Ann - particularly the first part. Breath on the lens - is a lovely image and all the other fuzzy images that go with it. I think the last line lets it down though - turns a very special poem into something ordinary. Just my opinion anyway.

Comment is about HD (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Oh, this is so sexy! I love the butter reference then 'slide gently' on the next line.Oh and 'moving softly into our inner space' this is delicious and yummy. fabulous.
Rachel
x

Comment is about HD (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Good afto,McGladders,you say this poem is silly-I don,t,I,m going to print it off,have it converted into gold lettering,frame it and send it to you for autographing,that,s how much I love it-you do believe me don,t you-will you do the same with my masterpieces? lol! rock on Rach

Comment is about Snow (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

sorry Isobel,can,t be doing with your christmas cake look-get back in battledress asap.and as for those superglued lips!!! to think,i once wanted for mine to alight upon them!

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Thanks for your comment on my latest Andy. It was a bit of an odd one for me but as I recall, you like poetry that leaves gaps to be filled in... Hope you have a great 2010. x

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Thanks for your comment on my latest Gus - you will most definitely see me in the New Year. I hope to get out to Bolton or Middleton, if I don't see you before in Wigan. Happy New Year x

Comment is about Gus Jonsson (poet profile)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

It was certainly very light at 3am walking home, wrapping my cloak round me to keep warm. A blue moon is when you get two new moons in the same month, isn't it? Happy new year, one and all

Comment is about Blue Moon Tonight, People (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

I also enjoyed the concise rhythm of this. win

Comment is about well (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Yes, I went out at abot 2am up onthe moors with a friend for a constitutional the moon was fantastic. But what is a blue moon?
Win
Happy new year Cynthia

Comment is about Blue Moon Tonight, People (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Later that night . . . . lovely and clear, saw the full moon and it seemed to have a smoke ring round it, a reflection in the clouds maybe. Lovely anyway!

Comment is about Blue Moon Tonight, People (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

very nice pic Rachel reminds me of Cabaret film:)

Comment is about Rachel Bond at the Howcroft, Bolton December 2009 (photo)

Dear Cynthia,

I wasn't suggesting your poem was filth...I suppose I was just taking a poke at other poets who would not have handled such an issue with such deftness.

Neither was I implying that this must have sprung from first hand experience but, having said that, I am reminded that my old music teacher was very keen on the old five finger exercises himself...and had a very novel way of getting me to practice my embouchure. I never did believe him when he insisted it was just a pink oboe.

: )

Jx

Comment is about Prelude to a Music Lesson (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thank you Clarissa. And a Happy New Year to everyone xx

Comment is about Rosemary Dun (poet profile)

Original item by Rosemary Dun

G'day Dave - thanks for the comment on my profile - as you say on yours there is a lot of fun to be had just by trawling the site. I think now I would have liked to have made a bit more of the fact that the poem has a very poignant ending that has little to do with the science... And a very happy New Year to you too.

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Hi Ross

Comments are disabled for the POTM you have chosen so this is the only place it's possible to say what a good choice. Thanks for finding it and Happy New Year

Comment is about Ross Kightly (poet profile)

Original item by Ross Kightly

Your best yet....in my humble opinion. Lovely and tangentially erotic.

Jx

Comment is about My Nagual is a Narwhal (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Bright, dazzling and enchanting indeed!

: )

Jx

Comment is about OASIS (blog)

Original item by Isobel

The Unthanks were one of the best bands I saw last year...twice, and once before that as Rachel and The Unthanks.

The best Robert Wyatt covers band ever...in my humble opinion!

: )

Jx

Comment is about THE UNTHANKS (a Poem from the Westy number 21) (blog)

Original item by Rodney Wood

Have a very safe journey back Belinda.
I'm really sorry to have missed your visit home.

Here's wishing you a very happy new year.
Janet.xx

Comment is about From Kurashiki to Manchester (blog)

Original item by Belinda

I do not consider this poem in any way to be 'filth'. It is a straightforward, although comedic, even sympathetic account of a very human foible which is hurting no one. I have compassion for both parties. The girl/woman deals with the situation by making no 'situation' of it. Perhaps there is some kind of 'trade-off'. Who knows?

We should not presume to know any poet's personal experience from his/her poetry. It is stultifying to artistic output.

Comment is about Prelude to a Music Lesson (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

I wrote this poem over the Christmas period, whilst eating sprouts and turkey!! Eating all of that food made me think of Japan, it's food, culture and peace and coming home after such a long time away. All comments would be very welcome.

Love Belinda x

Comment is about From Kurashiki to Manchester (blog)

Original item by Belinda

Have a great new year Mr Wood! It's thinking about what will have happened by this time next year that is so exciting, and scary too. This time last year, I could not have predicted so many things that have happened. Mostly good things, whereas last year, it was one really bad thing. So fingers crossed! I approve of your positive poem!

Comment is about New Year (blog)

Original item by Brian Wood

I'm so disappointed that it's cloudy here. But I guess the moon is still up there, being new and blue and, actually, it's being partially eclipsed too!!!

Comment is about Blue Moon Tonight, People (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

I love this, what with my own penchant for lingerie and all. Have a lacy frothy pink scented new year.
Love
Rachel
xxx

Comment is about basque (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove