just reread the whole piece and it really is great. full of lines that stick in the brain, full of sensual imagery and rhythm. like ive said before, i read differently each time. ive done reincarnation, forgiveness, conceiving a child, sleepless nights of longing and family strife. its brilliant. it seems wrong for a newbie to say well done to an established poet, but i said it. so there. the gig was good by the way. i even sung a bit from brenda #2. not many people there but it was a nice place. anyway. great poem!

Comment is about Tableau 4: The Melting of the Ice (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

this is great. the first verse is very you, nicely surreal and vivid, but then the piece becomes more straight forward and direct, mirroring the content. the directness doesn't mar the style and quality of the writing. doomed love causes so much poetic greatness.

Comment is about karaoke 3 (08/21/2015) (blog)

Original item by Zach Dafoe

Gray beware! 40's to 50's is the swiftest decade. I blinked and missed mine. Shut the door quickly and don't look back.

Comment is about Heading towards 50 (blog)

Original item by Gray Nicholls

Preeti, this is so lovely - that river sounds magnificent - not sure that I'd recommend mountains, but I'm sure they have their uses. Great work x

Comment is about Mountain (blog)

Hi Harry - We live in hope lol :)

Comment is about It's Summertime (blog)

Original item by Tom Doolan

Thanks James, hope you weren't too psyched.
Thank you for reading :)

Comment is about James Roper (poet profile)

Original item by James Roper

Thanks for reading and commenting, Martin. I'll throw you a rubber ring!

Comment is about Martin Elder (poet profile)

Original item by Martin Elder

Thanks for reading and commenting, Martin. I'll throw you a rubber ring!

Comment is about Martin Elder (poet profile)

Original item by Martin Elder

Oh my! In my humble opinion this is so good.

Comment is about afterthought 2 ( (blog)

Original item by Zach Dafoe

Stu. I'm no expert but please just carry on doing what you do!

Comment is about stung (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

?? I have no idea what has been posted here. Why is Corbyn linked to Marx? Why has a death been announced? What silence?

Comment is about Corbyn and and the death of Marx? (blog)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

Within this silence is love
that screams in helpless pain
of what might have been
only heard in your poetry.

Comment is about Caring through Silence (blog)

Original item by Katy Megan

Hello - me again! Do we have a theme for the next Stockport WOL? - if so, please could someone let me know what it is? - Thanks so much, Dorinda x

Comment is about Stockport WoL (group profile)

Original item by Stockport WoL

It's best we know our place, Harry. Just keep your head down, Old Son.

Comment is about Happy 35th Wedding Anniversary (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Cheers Graham. I was aiming to create a sense of space, of peace, of relaxing, of it being over now. You've got me wondering now though. I wanted to break the pace up - maybe it just doesn't work though?

Yeh - I didn't want to initially blog the entire thing, but I think I will now, in a day or so.

Pretty ambitious piece of work for me, never done anything like this before, but yep, am pleased with it :)

Comment is about Tableau 4: The Melting of the Ice (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

This is indeed a tour de force piece of work. Not so sure about the staggered lines in V3 I think they distract from the read somewhat, but very effective words.

Will there be some way of gathering all this together to read as a completed work. I think it would be stronger.

Re: the last verse, someone needs to be the family sheepdog, herding everyone together occasionally. It's me in our family.

Laura, I hope you're pleased with this project and I hope it has satisfied YOU.

well done,

Graham

Comment is about Tableau 4: The Melting of the Ice (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Ray, thank you for your encouraging comments on War of Words.

regards,

Graham

Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)

Original item by ray pool

I completely understand. Most of my early poems were deeply cathartic - the series I've just written is cathartic. But catharsis must go hand in hand with trying to make each poem the best that it can be. Editing is something I didn't bother with much at first. But when I look back at my earlier poems, I KNOW they could be improved.You're already starting with strong material - you owe it to yourself to make it as perfect as possible :)

Comment is about stung (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

This is the fifth and final part of a series of five interconnecting poems. Recent events in my life were preceded by hearing Finlandia, by Jean Sibelius, on the radio, and it so completely described how I was feeling that it took me over, and informs the whole series.

As a big nod to Sibelius, I've decided to use a loosely-based symphonic structure, so the parts are laid out like this:

The Melting of the Ice

Movements:

1. Prelude
2. Tableau 1: Return of the Snow Queen
3. Tableau 2: Night of Years
4. Tableau 3: Tempest
5. Tableau 4: The Melting of the Ice

Comment is about Tableau 4: The Melting of the Ice (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

The importance of each word is something I am learning (slowly). I don't edit or rewrite any of my poems, and I write them all in the space of 15-30 minutes. I rarely even delete lines. I have a thing about editing, I want everything I write to be straight from me, conveying what I am feeling at that moment about that subject. For me, poetry is catharsis. Having said that, I am slowly getting better! I am getting confidence from being on here, and that confidence is making me see my work as something others enjoy, not just a chance for me to whine.

Comment is about stung (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

Wow - thank you Cynth! :)

Comment is about Tableau 3: Tempest (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Oooo - like a psychic sewing the darkness - there's a line and a half!

Have to agree with Cynth and ray - this is outstandingly good, every single line is richly alive. The kitchen's wired shell. Too many lines in here I wish I'd have written myself :)

Comment is about Kitchen (blog)

Original item by Tom Harding

Yep - that is MUCH better. I always think that, in a poem, because it's a condensed and coded form of communication/language, that Every Single Word matters. Painless now communicates so much more.

Well that's the wonderful thing about WOL. I know that I wouldn't have written anywhere near the amount I have done without this place. In fact, when I joined, my biog page simply said 'Published nowhere. Performed nowhere' :)

Comment is about stung (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

Absolutely a joy to read and identify with. It has so many ingredients at play and balances them in a structured yet free style. Very fine indeed

Comment is about Kitchen (blog)

Original item by Tom Harding

yes i think this is very nice, i like the blunt lines, still with plenty of emotion behind them.

Comment is about Collaboration in memory (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Tom,
I `d just started to cheer...then it started raining again.

But - like you say - the power of miracles :)

Comment is about It's Summertime (blog)

Original item by Tom Doolan

John,
Your last comment calls to mind a couple of quotes
from poet Coventry Patmore`s `A Married Lover`

Because although in act and word
As lowly as a wife can be,
Her manners, when they call me lord,
Remind me 'tis by courtesy;

Because, though free of the outer court
I am, this Temple keeps its shrine
Sacred to Heaven; because, in short,
She 's not and never can be mine.

Of course any woman worth her salt will lie through
her teeth and deny this.

And the Women`s movement think it`s all about
equality with men (are they kiddin!)

For Pete`s sake don`t tell Gertie.

Comment is about Happy 35th Wedding Anniversary (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Thanks Cynthia - very kind over generous words. I've been away awhile and this is the first poem i've finished in some months so glad you liked it.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Hello there! I really do appreciate your feedback so there's no chance of telling you where to go. I post poems here for honest and open comments, as it's not easy writing in isolation as I'm not part of any local groups. You are right about the lines and I can see it now you have pointed it out - much appreciated as always, Katy x

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thank you Martin!

Comment is about Martin Elder (poet profile)

Original item by Martin Elder

thanks for your thoughts RM, especially regards my writing style. Advice on writing often says 'read as much as possible' but instinct shouts 'don't read anything else as it will influence your writing style'. When I was younger this was very much the case, anything I read I un/consciously copied (with a few exceptions). It doesn't seem to be too much of a problem nowadays.

I use a notebook for the occasional writing down of thoughts, words, lines etc - it will be forgotten otherwise - but 99% of my work is straight onto the laptop - meaning I don't get to doodle and scribble like I used to - which is a shame - although once my son heads off to university in September I'm hoping to regain some space for drawing and illustration.

thanks again for reading and re-reading my work, I will likewise with yours continue - your comments / rambles are always appreciated.

Comment is about cutting loose (blog)

I will absolutely check those out. And thanks for the compliment on the title. It's how I feel when my mind gets like that. I can't tell if it is good or bad when I "crumble" like that. I wonder sometimes if the pieces that seem to be flaking and falling off are the good or the bad? If they are "crumbling" off of me, do I really need them anyway? For a long time I just thought since they were a part of me I should hold on to them with tightly closed fists...now I am not so sure. And I am rambling...which I tend to do a lot of. You mentioned that when you went in search of the other mentioned poem you found that it was just pages and pages of doodles and garbled thoughts and I can totally get that. I tend to ramble on in writing and in speaking. Mostly is just makes sense to me. Some times it doesn't even make sense to me. Maybe only the paper it is written on gets it. With your writing style I always feel like I am missing some thing..some inside knowledge that if I just read it enough I'll get it. I like that. Even this above poem has brought me back a few times for a re-read. I like the feeling from this one of just letting it all go. "Cutting loose" and just floating out into the nothing...into the everything. (and now I promise to stop rambling....)

Comment is about cutting loose (blog)

Stu, thanks for the comment on 'Just You'. (and for understanding being lost.)

Comment is about Stuart Buck (poet profile)

Original item by Stuart Buck

Cynthia, I cannot thank you enough. Not only for your comment on 'Just You' but all of your comments and suggestions. I am very new to sharing and just fully getting back into writing and it is really refreshing to have a person take an interest to the point of offering suggestions and opinions. So, thank you one more time. :)

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Although we are soulmates (bookends), Cynthia, I have learned that it never pays to take the next anniversary for granted.

Comment is about Happy 35th Wedding Anniversary (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

A good one, John. I presume there will be a 36th. Or not. She sounds like a lady with much inherent humour, a very reliable quality in a marriage.

Comment is about Happy 35th Wedding Anniversary (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

thanks so much! i have changed makeable (it was pants). im really glad you liked the poem. i am glad i signed up too, its given me loads more confidence to find my voice.

Comment is about stung (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

Bloody brilliant! Everything! The excellence is set in the first four lines and never falters. I am in awe.

Where have you been lately? Do bring us more again of such quality as this.

Comment is about Kitchen (blog)

Original item by Tom Harding

A sheer pleasure to read and re-read, just to absorb all the nuances of style and imagery. Your metaphors are always mind-grabbing, and the musical assonance of your chosen diction 'sings' all through the work, connecting even stanza to stanza. Very 'polished' in the highest sense of the word. If such comes straight from your brain, I can only groan with envy.

Well, at least Dylan Thomas and T.S. Eliot did constant revisions. I can take some comfort.

A brilliant 'opus' you have created.

Comment is about Tableau 3: Tempest (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

This is so good. The sensitivity is gripping - the scope of togetherness, love and immediate surroundings.

I'm going to be irritating enough to make a suggestion:

'I cannot feel your pain.

Your body is numb
Your mind in hibernation.

For now, let yourself rest
In June's heat and chatter.

etc.'

IMO, the first line then is a distinct reality from the state of suspended pain of the other,very ill character. It doesn't raise the question of - why would you 'feel the pain, if he/she is sedated to oblivion? It opens the possibilities as to what you might mean, which is the 'meat' of great poetry, however brief.

And then, you also have an inherent balance of stanza lines, as well, the one-line opener with the one-line dramatic high point: 'But I am there.'

Katy, don't be annoyed. For me, it's a bit like having a good gob-bash over a glass of wine, talking together about our work. Just tell me to get lost and I will.

Comment is about Caring through Silence (blog)

Original item by Katy Megan

I was thinking about 'did' and 'does' again, as you pointed out in 'Upon the winds of change'. You have an excellent point about space-filling, like 'the' and 'an' etc. I have reworked many prior poems eschewing those very words, and achieving better poetry, I think. Some years back it was a fellow WOLer who took me seriously to task, and greatly assisted my 'work'. I really appreciated his interest and suggestions.

In the example given, I did debate their use. As well as stretching a correct metre (thank the gods) I wanted the emphasis of command inherent in the verbal mood. And the prior poets did not hesitate to use them. So - there they are. I don't think I could go through all the brain strain necessary to alter them. Many thanks for your comments.

'contracted to complain' was delightful.

Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)

Original item by John Coopey

Thanks chaps - appreciate you taking the time to read and very glad you enjoyed it.

Haha Stu - well, there it is, eh? Once the poem is out in the world, it belongs not only to me, but to the reader, and is there for their interpretation. It's funny though isn't it? I thought it was glaringly obvious what the series was about. Didn't think it poetic enough. Huh :)

Comment is about Tableau 3: Tempest (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Wow. Oh I am glad you joined up! This is quite amazing. Great imagery and metaphor, exquisite use of language, such violence and bristling threat of that and psychosis, and a killer finish. You have some considerable poetic skill and talent.

My one tiny quibble was 'makeable'. I'm not entirely sure it's the right word, not for me, at least. But that really is a teeny quibble.

Comment is about stung (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

wow.

Comment is about Autobiography (blog)

Original item by Andy N

excellent andy. one of your best i think.

Comment is about Collaboration in memory (blog)

Original item by Andy N

interesting man by the look of things.. enjoyed this.. very clever

Comment is about Li Po (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

excellent Laura. Simply.. wow..

Comment is about Tableau 3: Tempest (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

what an interesting character he was. this piece has inspired me to read up on him, and he certainly lived! i love the last verse and send off line here, they transcend a character study to something philosophical and wonderful.

Comment is about Li Po (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

i love this. 'tempest swells the brass intent.' is as attractive a line as 'cellar door' ever was. it just rolls so beautifully off the tongue and in the mind. fanboy moment aside, the whole thing is building to such a nice climax. i have so many theories as to where this is going, each time i reread it i think something else. at the moment, im reading it as sibelius soundtracks reincarnation and even if im off the mark by a mile thats what i love about poetry.

Comment is about Tableau 3: Tempest (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

I'm going to repeat this note in case anyone happens upon one of these poems at a time.

This is the fourth part of a series of five interconnecting poems. Recent events in my life were preceded by hearing Finlandia, by Jean Sibelius, on the radio, and it so completely described how I was feeling that it took me over, and informs the whole series.

As a big nod to Sibelius, I've decided to use a loosely-based symphonic structure, so the parts are laid out like this:

The Melting of the Ice

Movements:

1. Prelude
2. Tableau 1: Return of the Snow Queen
3. Tableau 2: Night of Years
4. Tableau 3: Tempest
5. Tableau 4: The Melting of the Ice

Comment is about Tableau 3: Tempest (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor