Lynn,
No wonder at the number of comments on this.
(particularly stanzas seven, eight, and ten...and that title
and the ending)...all of which convey a quiver of concern
in the reader.
This poem seems to skate on too thin an ice.
Comment is about THE 19TH FLOOR (blog)
Dave,
Will you show a bit of respect!...(and yet, somehow, this makes me want to cry and cry and cry)
Comment is about That Shallot (blog)
Original item by Dave Carr
Yes, and the monstrous appartment blocks that Stalin built also have a bit of Disney about hem too.
Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
Ganesh Singh
Mon 15th Jun 2015 14:06
Preeti Sinha
Mon 15th Jun 2015 10:25
What an ending. Lynn, you are effortlessly brilliant. And while it may not be autobiographical, I hope you're doing well :)
Comment is about THE 19TH FLOOR (blog)
<Deleted User> (9882)
Mon 15th Jun 2015 09:29
not one iota less than absolutely beautiful.
Comment is about Beholden to Behind (blog)
Original item by Katy Megan
Superb writing. Best poem I have read for a while. Clever, powerful and each stanza as good as the last x
Comment is about THE 19TH FLOOR (blog)
Thomas,
This blog chimed in with something I`ve been pondering on for a while.
I agree with almost all you are saying, but I`ve put my comments on the discussion section to try and get some
feed back.
Thanks for helping me think.
Comment is about Speaking as a formalist... (blog)
Original item by Marnanel Thurman
I agree with Andy, this has definitely got to be your best so far. I love the opening stanza. Yes it does sound Paul Simon like but, its inviting the reader to carry on.
' Hello loneliness come on in you have just missed happiness.'
Great stuff
Comment is about THE 19TH FLOOR (blog)
'Paranoia is in the
Bedroom
She’s staring
Into the mirror
To see if he
Can get her
Reflection to
Take some of
The blame'
gets me misty.
Comment is about THE 19TH FLOOR (blog)
<Deleted User> (13762)
Sun 14th Jun 2015 19:16
me too David - I don't think S&G would have used the F-word though - or 'river of piss' - in their songs.
Lynn, this does have a song-like feel to it - just needs a chorus - maybe the last 4 lines? x
Comment is about THE 19TH FLOOR (blog)
<Deleted User> (13762)
Sun 14th Jun 2015 18:08
If I may, I would like to add my own compliments and appreciation for this poem.
Graham mentioned the use of 'dad' at the end. I don't usually like to give too much away in a title, but in this case, I think 'Missing You Dad' makes for three powerful and moving words.
Comment is about Missing You (blog)
nice use of the reference to the 19th floor at the end, Lynn.
Not going to talk about the personal aspect of it as it's not right for me to comment on that (i do understand it however) but from a technical point of view, i think this is probably your best i have seen blogged so far.
keep it up! xx
Comment is about THE 19TH FLOOR (blog)
Lynn Hamilton
Sun 14th Jun 2015 17:29
Hi Andy. Thanks for reading and your comments, once again x.
Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)
Original item by Andy N
Lynn Hamilton
Sun 14th Jun 2015 17:07
Thank you Martin for reading and your lovely comment. Much appreciated.
Comment is about Martin Elder (poet profile)
Original item by Martin Elder
Lynn Hamilton
Sun 14th Jun 2015 17:05
Lynn Hamilton
Sun 14th Jun 2015 16:55
I like it too. Great one again Zach
Comment is about long light short shadow (6/10/2015) (blog)
Original item by Zach Dafoe
Lynn Hamilton
Sun 14th Jun 2015 16:48
This is absolutely lovely, Preeti. I can connect with this piece in so many ways (especially the taxes ;)) and you have in my humble opinion expressed the deep longing for a daughter to have the protection of her father, once again. Brlliant. xx
Comment is about Missing You (blog)
Hi M.C. Thanks for your interest in my poem 'The Gift'. The poem is really just a personal poem about my relationship with the old man (my grandfather).
Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
A thoughtful piece Celia.
I really like the short but full lines until the last one, which needs to be split into three (IMO).
I love the killer line "you reverberate in the space, surprised by my voice". Wonderful.
Comment is about In Absentia (blog)
Original item by Celia
This is a lovely piece of work Preeti. I keep reading it over and over and can't make my mind up whether the dad is really necessary.
In one way it's good to know (for the purposes of the poem) that you are missing your dad but in another way it would be clever to make us wonder who it was.
Either way its a lovely, light-feeling thoughtful piece, a daydream almost.
Well done!
Comment is about Missing You (blog)
Hi Daniel
Glad you liked my Mass poem!
Comment is about Daniel Dwyran (poet profile)
Original item by Daniel Dwyran
Your comment on 'Truncheon for Luncheon' was appreciated M.C.
The reluctance of the NUM to call a proper ballot. The formation of the new NUM (Nottinghamshire Union of Mineworkers), overzealous Policing coupled with a lack of direction by Commanders. The refusal to compromise and see the bigger picture between the Government, Scargill and Thatcher all added to the 'Battle of Orgreave'.
I hope I was able to pen my effort with an open minded approach to the incident. Thank you.
Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Hi Martin.
Thanks for the kind words on 'Truncheon for Luncheon'. Glad to be back. Writers block and life in general got in the way mate. Still performing locally a couple of times per month. Vespa running like a scene from Quadrophenia... so I've no excuses not to venture North West! Guitar and Verse or a WOL gig.
Hope to meet you at one soon. Will catch up on your poetry. :)
Comment is about Martin Elder (poet profile)
Original item by Martin Elder
Preeti Sinha
Sun 14th Jun 2015 08:48
I feel it too, at times. You write without fuss, not maudlin or trying to force obvious emotions . Just superb
Comment is about Colour Me In (blog)
Preeti Sinha
Sun 14th Jun 2015 08:32
Children are very quick to pick off vibes; harried mother probably with so many things to do that she's lost her focus on the real thing: joy.
Beautiful read.
Comment is about Child in a Stroller (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Preeti Sinha
Sun 14th Jun 2015 08:28
Stunning. Proves that all you need is a heart and genuine feelings, to write...Just superb
Comment is about For Danielle (blog)
Original item by Andy N
sometimes you just gotta just write it all down...like this one.
daz
Comment is about SOMETIMES (blog)
Well spotted Colin. I was aware of "he who dares wins" and I find that a bit cheesy, so I reversed cares and dares. after all nature as an entity doesn't care (or is there a God?) That's for another day. I'm glad you spotted as the tyres grip as an impetus. I've been there and suffered - stick to the mtb . And I never wore lycra only cotton!!
Comment is about UPHILL CYCLIST (blog)
Original item by ray pool
Shit! The fact that I have already been blessed/cursed with an addictive personality is not going to do me any favours. Oh well. Bring it on I say lol ;) x
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
<Deleted User> (13762)
Sat 13th Jun 2015 20:35
thanks for posting this one Ray - perhaps in a slightly similar vein to my Junction Desolation? You make the point well -
Not for him the unified force of pissed pleasure
shared without question
No - so many questions.
struggled a tad with the plain / gain line but that's a minor quibble.
Tickets please!
Comment is about SELF ANALYSIS (blog)
Original item by ray pool
<Deleted User> (13762)
Sat 13th Jun 2015 20:23
the ride starts off deceptively slow but picks up 'as I feel the tyres grip'
I wonder if 'dares' and 'cares' are interchangeable or swappable. I like a bit of cycling - chunky MTB for me not the skinny-thin lycra-clad packs that clog half of Yorks and Lancs roads every weekend - apologies to any lycra-clad road-cycling poets whizzing past this post.
Comment is about UPHILL CYCLIST (blog)
Original item by ray pool
Hi David, it's been quite an inspiring day for me - mostly new stuff, but a couple of revised poems. This one is really a sort of mood picture with no intended meaning - but a bit melancholy, and a sense of history leaving a blueprint on ghostly places.!
Comment is about SKELETON SERVICE (blog)
Original item by ray pool
Thank you for your kind comments Cynthia.
I will try to comment more on the work of others when I can.
Comment is about HEART OF WALES (blog)
Original item by David Subacchi
This featured in a column by one of the London Evening
Standard's regular contributors and got a follow-up from
the poet himself. What fun!!
Comment is about Craig Raine hits back at 'Gatwick' critics (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Hi Cynthia Thanks for comment on 'Going to Mass'.
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Thanks for your thoughts, Huw. I suppose a certain melancholy is what I was portraying, inevitable in the reflective mind. Depression is the arrival where the last train has left as it were.! Im not sure about the fate aspect... but religious conviction can take over the burden for some. I could go on. Cheers. Ray
Comment is about SELF ANALYSIS (blog)
Original item by ray pool
Thank you, people, for reading and commenting.
David, yours is a very interesting take on the poem. IMO, sometimes the 'why's' and 'wherefore's' are just irrelevant, and a special encounter just 'is'. I could do with a lot more of 'just is-ing', because I tend to be very analytical.
Comment is about Child in a Stroller (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Hi Jeremy. Lovely style and beautifully restrained. Tommy
Maybe Huw the auld twat needed a good kicking and to ward off any misplaced defenders, shout 'So you collaborated with the Nazis, you fucking c***!'
Comment is about meeting a nazi (blog)
Original item by jeremy young
Waves not little solar systems indeed. On the movement of time: Even rocks melt (well ripple anyway) and trees (given the opportunity) creep across the landscape. Good post Roy. Tommy
Comment is about Life is Just a Wave (blog)
I sometimes think that it might be ultimately destructive to strip down a poem like this one in the way one strips down an engine , and having faced the component parts, is quite unimpressed with the result. All minds should be given due consideration. Was Hitler not a painter, and Wagner a Nazi symbol. To moralize about private feelings really lines us all up against a wall. "Let him that casts the first stone." Incidentally, I quite enjoy big busts. I'm 71. So there.
Comment is about Craig Raine hits back at 'Gatwick' critics (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Haha Harry, your comment made me laugh. Just don't get started on a Rondeau Redouble. A form I am yet to attempt successfully! That requires more perseverance than I seem to possess :)
Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
Beautifully put Lynn.
Comment is about Colour Me In (blog)
Nice poem . Not over stated, just right.
Comment is about Happy Ending (blog)
Original item by Vanna
Cynthia
This is a lovely poem with such a brilliant end to round it off. 'The whole earth resounding with the glory of the Lord'
Comment is about Child in a Stroller (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Hi Andy
Yep this is definitely a cracker with all that is not said as much as all that is said. Great stuff. See you soon
Comment is about For Danielle (blog)
Original item by Andy N
Once again Tommy you have skillfully said so much with so few well chosen words. nice one
Comment is about Calligraphy (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Hi Daniel
long time no speak to . Hope you are doing well. Great poem . There was certainly a lot of politics being played with the miners stuck in the middle then. Nice to see you back in the fray again. Keep them coming.
M
Comment is about TRUNCHEON FOR LUNCHEON (blog)
Original item by Daniel Dwyran
Dave Carr
Mon 15th Jun 2015 18:40
Sorry Harry.
But you know I'll do anything for a cheap laugh.
Dave
Comment is about That Shallot (blog)
Original item by Dave Carr