Thanks everyone for you comments - and Chris - I probably didn't 'intend' the fugue thing because I didn't really know what one is, but I think you correctly got the musical intention.

I'm a strong believer that poems should connote more than they denote.

I'm glad y'all enjoyed it.

Comment is about FRONT ROOMS: AS ESSAY (blog)

Original item by Steven Waling

Not many people can say they fell in the garden of Gethsemani...

What a wonderful holiday you had Harry - and as Winston says, ripe for writing about. I'm glad I caught your comment as it led me to read this wonderful poem. I love it. It just captures the moment so well - and it's not just love - it's joy.

There is only one change I'd make and not because the poem needs it - just because of Anthony's pesky rules. You've tagged it with WOL comp and I think the WOL comp stipulates no use of I, Me or My. I'm not sure how you get around that. Changing me to he loses some of the charm. Perhaps we the voters will just have to revolt!

Comment is about BETTY IN A WINDY SUNSET (blog)

Thank you very much Steve for commenting. I'll think about the final line in each verse.

Comment is about There..... (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Hi Larisa
Like Lynn, I'm not particularly good at critique, and I HATE criticising the poetry of others.
If there is a weakness (for me) in your poem, it's that the final line in each verse, which I believe you intend to be the counterpoint, doesn't always counter all of the previous 3 lines

Comment is about There..... (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Hi Sian

Never knew there were so many words begining with 'sw' you have used them so effectively that this aspect of the poem blends in beautifully. Liked the squeaky creations

Win x

Comment is about sian howell (poet profile)

Original item by sian howell

Hi Sian

Never knew there were so many words begining with 'sw' you have used them so effectively that this aspect of the poem blends in beautifully. Liked the squeaky creations

Win x

Comment is about sian howell (poet profile)

Original item by sian howell

Hi Harry, Spotted your last comment... There must be at least three poems in your comment alone. Have a rest, deep breath and let it flow lol, Win

Comment is about BETTY IN A WINDY SUNSET (blog)

Thanks, Dave, for your comment on `Betty...`

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

A late thnks, Lynn, for your comment on `Betty...`

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

A belated thanks, Gregg, for your comment on `Betty...`

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Thanks for Betty...

I`m incurable, John, can`t get past that it is a sacred duty for the poet to praise the opposit sex.

I keep hoping that the sisterhood night reciprocate, but (as someone said at a recent reading) it could be a case of identification.

Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)

Original item by John Coopey

Delayed thnks M.C. for your comment on Betty...

I love `Jenny` too particularly the `jumping from the chair` bit.

Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Thanks all...sorry for the delay...been on holiday to the Middle East.

Where I...Fell and hurt my hand in the garden of Gethsemini...relieved the pain against a cold stone on the Wailing Wall...then - still in pain - squeezed past thousands of Moslems
winding down the Way of the Cross on their way to pray at the Dome of the Rock.

If that`s not ecumenism tell me what is.

Bethlehem - behind its graffiti daubed wall was
moving.(and it wasn`t me that started that fight that broke out later between the priests)

The Suez Canal was lovely and peaceful...the Pyramids are still there...and central Cairo is still goriously and magnificently shabby.

Finally..the Egyptians are still the most amiable Muslims in the world.

Comment is about BETTY IN A WINDY SUNSET (blog)

Thank you so much my dear Lynn. It will certainly help. But... now I go to bed. It's too late here now: 1.27 a.m.

Comment is about There..... (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

G. Nichol , Welcome to WOl. Looking forward to seeing more of your work. Winston (Admin Membership)

Comment is about Gray Nicholls (poet profile)

Original item by Gray Nicholls

Hi; LOL.. thanks for the comment, Isobel over the 12 days after Christmas... I actually had a peaceful Christmas here for once.. Had it with my family and chilled big style.. Will make up for it in the new year I think. Hope you are good x

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

LOL.. thanks for the comment, Isobel.. I actually had a peaceful Christmas here for once.. Had it with my family and chilled big style.. Will make up for it in the new year I think. Hope you are good x

Comment is about 12 days after Christmas (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Hi again Larisa, I'm not very good as a critique, I can only say what I like, but I'll have a go...

I specially like the first 3 lines of first verse, but the fourth line doesn't seem to fit somehow. You could perhaps rhyme mood with brood, as though the roads are brooding... just a suggestion, it is your poem, not mine.

I like the ships kissing the sunset with their sails in the second verse.
And I like the third verse just as it is.

Hope this helps. xx

Comment is about There..... (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

You had me wondering just where those drumsticks were going for a minute, Andy...

Nice touch of humour here - it sounds like you had a pretty normal Christmas then :)) x

Comment is about 12 days after Christmas (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Lynn! You are my dearest friend. Please, tell me your opinion and the lines I have to change. Tell me please...what lines you like. Hugs and warmest wishes, Larisa

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

A lot of good lines in this, Larisa. x

Comment is about There..... (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do me a favor and.... tell me your opinion,

Comment is about There..... (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

I'll think about this poem tomorrow.I am always in a hurry, that's why make a lot of mistakes.

Comment is about There..... (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Hi M.C.

Thanks for your comments on The Christmas Fox - you summed it up really well!

Fifi

Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Hi John,

Thanks for having a look at the Christmas Fox - and I hope that your festivities weren't ruined by any talking Raynards...

Fifi x

Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)

Original item by John Coopey

I like this Ann,

seductive and a nice touch of humour.

My Best

Chris

Comment is about An Ingres Back (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Excellent Neil,

I can only echo Dave's sentiments.

My Best

Chris

Comment is about Tough Love (blog)

Original item by Neil West

I like the way this reads in differing ways depending upon where reader places pauses or emphasis and I would presume this was very much intentional. Lines also read as interestingly alone as they do in context. You've caught an eerie notion of time from the view of a place rather than a place viewed by people. You can almost smell aspects of other decades- front rooms indeed.

You also have a recurring yet shifting line akin to a musical fugue. The line sounds almost identical but it shifts its meaning/connotation or suggestion.

nowhere to display them
nowhere display them
nowhere to display
nowhere display

Enjoyable read.


My Best

Chris

Comment is about FRONT ROOMS: AS ESSAY (blog)

Original item by Steven Waling

'Time and again' is the inherent problem - the unwillingness to accept the lessons of history and change our approach to sharing the resources of the world. Instead we waste vast amounts of diminishing fossil fuels conducting wars which require further vast expenditure to rebuild the shattered towns, cities and infrastructure.

As has been wisely said -if we always do what we have always done, we will always see the same cycle of events - and that is not good enough to sustain the burgeoning population of the human race, let alone address long term energy issues, pollution and climate concerns...

Comment is about As 2012 Approaches (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

One of the inherently reassuring facets of the
human condition is that great threat is met
time and again with great solutions. War has
its awful place but then its inventive
creations later enhance the peace that follows.
Humanity can invent the nuclear bomb yet
also match nature's famines with responses that
alleviate mass suffering on a scale once
unheard of. Mass threat matched by mass
relief. The paradox of the human condition!
If JC had to say "the poor are always with us" (and HE was the son of the Boss!) - what
should we expect from poor backward humanity
doing its poor best on its own for a mere two thousand years?

Comment is about As 2012 Approaches (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Compliments of the season Dave
This made me think, and I at least now know what a virtuous circle is (ok I googled it). After several readings there are parts I don't get (but that's me, as you already aware).
Very clever

Comment is about Complexity (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

A fascinating "take" on what is taken for
granted and what can't be!
Imaginative and provocative - worth reading a
number of times...even to dwelling on just why -
"The circle is sometimes virtuous"!
(I'm having fun assuming to be "square" isn't?)

Comment is about Complexity (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Thanks Dave.
I always see the Christmas tree as somehow
representative of the transience of life and events.
Humanity is complicit in the process but the
harsh reality is surely to be noted by the
essential optimism that marks the human spirit.

Comment is about CHRISTMAS TREE (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Quite a lot of things are sadder in reality but I know what you mean and enjoyed this. Ours is still up!

Comment is about CHRISTMAS TREE (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Kealan
Rare 1st Edition
I really appreciate comment on the ?? whatever it is. Unfortunately you are correct in spotting my cynicism. I'd love to have it removed

Steve

Comment is about Kealan Coady (poet profile)

Original item by Kealan Coady

Thank you Larisa, glad you enjoyed. Just put up a new one if you're interested.

Comment is about Larisa Rzhepishevska (poet profile)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Hi Andy,

thank you very much for commenting on my poems. I very much appreciate the support and feedback. I've made sure the font is bigger this time, my fault for copying and pasting and not checking the font!

Thanks again and look forward to seeing you soon.

Hope you had a good Christmas,

Na'im

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Hey there, thanks! sure I will,

S

Comment is about Solomon Scribble (poet profile)

Original item by Solomon Scribble

Hi Solomon, Welcome to WOL. Hope you find lots to interest and inspire you here. Winston

Comment is about Solomon Scribble (poet profile)

Original item by Solomon Scribble

A very convivial night with poetry that was really varied in terms of style, content and treatment. (I shan't reveal the names of those who need the treatment!)

Review is about Write Out Loud - Middleton on 18 Dec 2011 (event)

A very nice xmas. And a mild one, weatherwise (compared to the past couple of years)...

Comment is about Merry Xmas to All (blog)

Original item by J F Keane

lot said in four lines here, john.. top stuff man.. hope you had a great time...

Comment is about Merry Xmas to All (blog)

Original item by J F Keane

lot of good stuff, Charlotte in here - particularly like the last line..

one minor thing to perhaps think about is the use of 'cold' in the second line as i think with it been used at the end of the piece, you don't perhaps need it... it's top stuff however.. good luck x

Comment is about Winter, Blinded (blog)

Original item by Charlotte Henson

like particularly here 'straddle the pressure' but i did enjoy the full piece.. top stuff - andy n

Comment is about Blow me a raspberry and show me your arse. (blog)

On behalf of everyone in the WriteOutLoud world of Bolton (another memeorable birth!), I would like to wish all WOL readers, poets & those who keep WOL going a happy Christmas and all the best for 2012! Jeff

ps If you're in the area, Bolton WOL resumes on 15 Jan at 7.30 - The Wellington Bolton with Guest poet Gemma Lees, then sunday after at Ring O Bells in Middleton where I am the guest!

Comment is about A merry, poetic, peaceful Christmas to all (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Just hours back from where it all happened at Bethlehem.

So a very happy Christmas and appreciation for all your company at W.O.L.

Harry O

Comment is about A merry, poetic, peaceful Christmas to all (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Cheers Julian and Co.

The very best to you all
and many thanks for all the hard work
and amazing poetry.

lotsa love.

Patricia and Stef.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Comment is about A merry, poetic, peaceful Christmas to all (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

a nice observatory poem on the process. The single word lines are perfect and the sounds of 'simple exposition' and 'caverned wordy' are really interesting. nice one.

Comment is about Simple expositions (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Hi Ann.I've been neglecting you lately.
lovely poem, Jean August would need to work on bigger canvases these days.

Ken xx

Comment is about An Ingres Back (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Yes, Let me join in in wishing everyone a happy solstice. Whether you are a gig poster, a blog poster, a comment leaver or just a reader of all the amazing things on our pages. Winston x

Comment is about A merry, poetic, peaceful Christmas to all (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman