lot going on here cynthia.. although it is a poem (and a piece with lots of dialogue which i particularly love!), this could be expanded certainly into a short play or story indeed..
good stuff either way.. really enjoyed it!
Comment is about Morning on the Mall (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Beauitful, Dave..
To be honest, I would changed the last line to read
'Your caring,
a kiss'
this will it makes the point more at the end at it.
Otherwise, i love this.. it's a heart breaker in a nice way! lol
Comment is about To a friend (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Close to a bit of prose or a diary entry this, kath but i like the way it develops and i am sure we can all agree it on the last line! lol
Comment is about Free time (blog)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
Dave I have read several of your posts re Liverpool and kensington and commend you for your positive outlook in what is the most deprived area of the UK (HMG reports)and things change at the speed of decades! My reference to prostitutes (which I do not ridicule) and 'poetic prostitutes' of which I do. The first is a matter of fact: after a 'clean'-up' of the formally notorious area around Faulkner square and Anglican cathedral, Prostitution was 'moved' to Sheil Road and a 'blind-eye' taken by authorities. As I say I am not criticising women for this. The 'poetic prostitutes' and the verse in which it contains is one as you say written in 'poetic' language...tourists as commonly understood are not involved (lol). I will leave you to gather its meaning. ;0) I have lived in Kensington in various locations: Connaught road, Shiel road, Huntly road, Boaler st, West Derby road, and 4 other areas very close to Kensington most of my life in the Shiel road area. My ears prick up when Liverpudlians and pity are mentioned in the same phrase. A contemptible term invented by the media and repeated ad-nauseum. I hope any rereading of the poem is enhanced by the above post. Thank you for your time and comments. ps The area is being demolished, some decent houses and facilities may come of it.
Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Hi Tommy
As you know I lived on the patch for 24 years and yes the girls on the game are part of the reality. But tourists? What part do you live in, I never saw any. Maybe it's poetic licence in what is a powerful poem.
There's another side to Kensington - positive stuff happening. It's a right old mix
Comment is about Kensington (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Lovely sentiments Dave : )
p.s. If someone texted me those words - I think my heart would melt.
Comment is about To a friend (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
I agree with what has already been said...
Fabulous lines and references!
'she taught me French and schizophrenia
when I only desired to be between her.'
'a gun in my hand and a dying arab,
the farewell note when I wake from sleep,'
"Parce que, tu es un stereotype."
Comment is about Gloria (blog)
<Deleted User> (7212)
Sun 16th May 2010 20:25
Hmph! - I've come over all decaffeinated now....
Comment is about Tosspot! (blog)
Original item by Cate
<Deleted User> (6895)
Sun 16th May 2010 20:23
Good evening Lynn-many thanks for commenting on 'Liquid observance' Good luck with your desire to become published.Also I like your varied taste in poetry.I think it requires that variation without doubt-my gratitude to you-Stefan.
Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Ray, this made me smile with pleasure. I too liked the lines: "she was three years my senior,/ she taught me French and schizophrenia" but also, rather to my surprise, "in this life it's shit or be shat on", which has a wonderful, forceful rhythm to it. I also enjoyed the references to Patti Smith and Camus, who, I'm sure you know, was also a goalkeeper. I used to possess a treasured Philosophy Football sweatshirt with the words 'All that I know most surely about morality and obligations I owe to football,” emblazoned on it. Sadly I no longer fit it.
Comment is about Gloria (blog)
<Deleted User> (8251)
Sun 16th May 2010 19:30
I'm not sure you ever had it Banksy - twas but a storm in a teacup...
Comment is about Tosspot! (blog)
Original item by Cate
Cynthia, please don't call me Mr Miller. It brings back so many unpleasant courtroom memories.I read on a thread last week a few folks bemoaning the absence of "constructive criticism". I'm trying to give some - whether you like it or not!!
So, would a child go from this: Jeez, Dad,” says the kid. “It’s a homo
In woman’s stuff! Is he crazy!”
to this:
But, Jeez, Dad,” says the boy,
“What if he doesn’t want to play anymore?
What if he doesn’t care who knows?
What if he has to be a woman?”
Myself, I think it unlikely, implausible. But I like the poem, I especially like the poetry of the first verse. It's hoi polloi, by the way.
Best Wishes, Ray
Comment is about Morning on the Mall (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
<Deleted User> (7212)
Sun 16th May 2010 17:21
Superb story telling a very clever
structured play...
wonderful wonderful
Gus xx
Comment is about Morning on the Mall (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
I love this, Marianne. I've been a while getting back to it. So many expressions, images, devices are just plain inspiring and satisfying. 'the weather between the pestle and mortar' is fab, like so many others. You are a leader.
Comment is about THE VINDICTIVE VOWEL (or the deflated self). (blog)
Original item by Marianne Daniels
This is actually quite funny, and a great social comment. It seems to have run away with the writer like a stagecoach jolting off the road behind horses on 'uppers', completely uncontrollable by the driver. I think if this were tightened up a lot, keeping really good bits and jettisoning unnecessary stuff, it would be half as long and really super.
Comment is about Super Size Super Skinny (blog)
Original item by Kate Tym
Spontaneous knock-out upper cut. Who cares about finesse! The champ is floored.
Comment is about Tosspot! (blog)
Original item by Cate
Thank you all for reading such a long posting and still commenting as well. I maintain that children are often far more aware of current issues than adults are. They are all ears and eyes from the telly hours, the adults' 'private' conversations, and the 'schoolyard discussions'. My extended family has three homosexual members, all open now, one previously married with two children. His partner also has a family. Children talk freely and pointedly without shame; adults circumnavigate their conversations for many reasons.
Mr Miller, the opening verse was a deliberate 'poetical' setting of the scene, intoducing with high tone the 'hoi polloi' who make up the opinions of the general world, to contrast with the reality of the individual situation. Later these same 'people' become the reactive 'voice' of the public.
Comment is about Morning on the Mall (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Yes... I agree with TC.
You have expressed such sweet and touching sentiments here...
'But there seemed to be this one...
I admire how she wrote to me everyday...
Commitment not seen in any relationship...
She always seemed to come back and forgave...
Strong enough to see past my flaws'
Comment is about Devotion is the Motion (blog)
Original item by Josh Coates
What can I say? LOL
I love your style and wit Cate : )
Comment is about Tosspot! (blog)
Original item by Cate
<Deleted User> (7073)
Sun 16th May 2010 14:38
Love your fluffy bunny TC XX
Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
<Deleted User> (7073)
Sun 16th May 2010 14:29
I like this Josh, it is very positive in nature, and yes there are beautiful wise constant individuals out there. TC
Comment is about Devotion is the Motion (blog)
Original item by Josh Coates
<Deleted User> (7073)
Sun 16th May 2010 13:12
Heh heh you should have dedicated it to the obsessive wankers of WOL they seem to be growing in number, or maybe the periodicity of their bilious wankery ha ha TC
Comment is about Tosspot! (blog)
Original item by Cate
<Deleted User> (3103)
Sun 16th May 2010 12:32
Thank you for your comments Ann, I'm glad you like it. Really like the ruins poem, brings back memories of childhood and the way you see the world
Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Is this what's known as "getting your own back?" Maybe it should have been a cappucino; just think of the fun you could have had with those chocolate sprinkles.
Regards,
A.E.
Comment is about Tosspot! (blog)
Original item by Cate
Wouldn't mind guessing where the inspiration for this one came from... masturbation is clearly a fertile subject matter.
But hey - surely you should dedicate it to someone?
LOL - love you, you crazy woman!
Comment is about Tosspot! (blog)
Original item by Cate
Agree with everything said...a wonderful trip down memory lane.Beautifully evocative wording of a bygone age.
Cate xx
Comment is about social (blog)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
Yes - I heard this read at the Green Room in Manchester and it certainly gripped the audience. You have a great way with story telling Cynthia and you convey well the frustration and sadness of living with something that isn't easy to explain.
I would agree with Ray that the questions asked by the child, aren't that plausible. You are using the child to express your own views. That doesn't bother me too much though - since I can agree. An interesting read.
Comment is about Morning on the Mall (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Its an old Lancashire saying Dorinda "Piffy on a rock bun". To me it means you`ve been "stood up or left out" .
Comment is about Muriel and Me (blog)
Original item by Dorinda MacDowell
Another intruiging one....a speciality of yours Cynthia. It highlights how hard it must be to be "different" and I think even today in this supposedly progressive society a man would have difficulty admitting to his child that he was a transvestite.
Cate xx
Comment is about Morning on the Mall (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Agreed! Funny and well crafted. I like the way your rhyme is not forced, it adds to the overall effect which is what good poetry is all about.
Cate xx
Comment is about Gloria (blog)
Hi Ray,
Have to say I really liked this poke at a certain type of culture. It made me think and smile in equal measure. I'm not sure why, but it put me in mind of Alexei Sayle - or Cooper Clarke (on a really lucid day.)
Particularly enjoyed:
"she taught me French and schizophrenia when I only desired to be between her."
"there's always more people than you start off with."
"a sleazy garret, a pool of claret,
a gun in my hand and a dying arab,
the farewell note when I wake from sleep,
"Parce que, tu es un stereotype.""
It's very well crafted, with superb half-rhymes and intelligently put together. Excellent.
Regards,
A.E.
Comment is about Gloria (blog)
"belly stuffed beer gut vomiting his bile duct" is worth the entrance money alone.I think just "shrivelled sac" would do, we get the picture.
Comment is about Not John`s Cargo (blog)
Original item by Cate
<Deleted User> (6510)
Sun 16th May 2010 07:31
THANKS FOR THE KIND COMMENT, SOME OF MY WORK IS A TRIBUTE TO THE GREAT MAN AS HE GOT ME GOING AND I TAKE THAT COMMENT AS A BIG COMPLIMENT , JOHNNY CLARKE IS MY MATE AND AN ABSOLUTE GENT, LOVELY MAN
Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)
Original item by Winston Plowes
Last stanza is brilliant, some people really do whore themselves ot to stereotype. I dont know how many times i read a cliche love poem and thought "what a genre slut". They think 'deep' can be found in a pond. Good piece.
Comment is about Kensington (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Thank you Anthony- this poem still feels awkward to me, it has a dysfunctional resonance that I struggle to repair.
Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
Thanks Ann, it's nice to be appreciated :)
Cx
Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Thanks Win, for your comment on 'Disconnected', glad you liked it.
You're producing some pretty darn good things yourself at the moment!
:)
Cx
Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)
Original item by Winston Plowes
Hi Val,
Thanks for your comment on "social." In essence it's pretty much a true tale, which catalogues my upbringing. I'm pleased you found it interesting.
Regards,
A.E.
Comment is about Valerie Cook (poet profile)
Original item by Valerie Cook
I thought the opening verse was pretty good, lots of poetry in it:
Close to the concrete caves that swallow
Sunshine down their shadowy throats.Excellent.I felt that the poetry gradually became eclipsed by the need to tell the story, but it's an interesting tale.
“They’re disgusting at seven A.M. - on the mall.” is where the father is giving the game away, I guess.I think the questions that follow, from boy to father, are rather implausible ones for a boy to be asking and detract just a little from an enjoyable read.
Comment is about Morning on the Mall (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Beautiful poem. With warmest wishes, Larisa
Comment is about Titanium Butterfly (blog)
Original item by Steven Kenny
How did I miss this?!
Your poem touches on the reality with insight and humour!
Comment is about Never Shag A Poet (blog)
Original item by Yolande
I assume you made the alterations then, Banksy, as it's perfect now! :)
Comment is about Saltwater (blog)
Original item by Nash
<Deleted User> (6895)
Sat 15th May 2010 21:04
Love what I see as a personal poem to a friend who has in turn a very good friend who writes brilliant poetry-you! loved it-thanks-Stef.
Comment is about Titanium Butterfly (blog)
Original item by Steven Kenny
Nash
Mon 17th May 2010 09:05
Thanks again Banksy!
Comment is about Nash (poet profile)
Original item by Nash