Hi Dave
No I haven't but will check it out!
Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)
Original item by Dave Bradley
I don't really know what you deserve. May be more, may be less...but... I am sure that only chess will confess where you were less.
Comment is about Tom (poet profile)
Original item by Tom
oh ill share the answer only with you or you will with me in reverse role. if theres a cost for that answer, would you pay it? would I?maybe that cost would be following me or you... maybe 1 day we'll find out when our times up on this humdrum world lol:)
Comment is about Later (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
<Deleted User> (9882)
Thu 8th Aug 2013 15:35
re the last two lines-what happens if I pop me slippers before you Nick? Will you tell me when you follow me into heaven? what if I go to hell?
oh,so many questions,so little time.
good poem Nick.x
Comment is about Later (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
You can hear it here.
https://soundcloud.com/mark-mrt-thompson/he-saw-a-hooded-figure-know
Comment is about He saw a hooded figure (blog)
Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson
<Deleted User> (6895)
Thu 8th Aug 2013 12:57
Originally unusual and enjoyable-cheers David.xx
Comment is about Weather Crossword (blog)
Original item by David Blake
<Deleted User> (6895)
Thu 8th Aug 2013 12:37
Claire
Thu 8th Aug 2013 11:56
Cheers for the shout-out :-)
Comment is about Guardian readers nominate debut poetry collection for award (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Enjoyed this Gareth. Very clever
Comment is about Rejection (blog)
Original item by Gareth Glyn Roberts
Well Limericked...(and appreciative!)
Comment is about Rejection (blog)
Original item by Gareth Glyn Roberts
La-La re 'After the leaving' I had not seen the woman in the foto in 20 years- I don't know if she still lives. I have other poems and fotos abt her done at the time.
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
thanks for the great review Greg. It was great to have you and Julian over. I really must make it to the Marsden jazz week poetry this year. I must crack on with the Manchester poets. Did you know Gaia Holmes is launching her new book at Dean Clough? its on the 19th Aug. prestigious venue that.
Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Thanks Cynthia... I sort of did know, but because I've never used it I forgot when I was posting this. I certainly know what Dylan Thomas meant. When I start something I have to write it out. Every damn stanza. It's not unproductive time though. Most of the material gets used in one piece or another. Plath was into revision. I love to hear old BBC archives of her reciting her 'classics' and lines appear that aren't in the printed versions. It adds to the interest for me.
Comment is about For A Second I Forgot #2 (blog)
Original item by Jonnie Falafel
Hi Miles,
The lines below are the heart of the poem for me. They contain a truism - very well thought!
His ghost, a sad, silent accuser demoted
To an extra in his own story. His name’s a word
For headline writers to play with, his
Violent end a fact for lawyers to wrangle.
..........
Flicker of CCTV, re-broken into bulletin-shards
His final minutes projected onto partial truth,
Excellent image, though subjectively I would have prefered;
" projected a partial truth"
......
An irritant to be clubbed down and lied
About and watched, over and over,
In courtrooms newsrooms chatrooms living rooms,
A man who can’t, who won’t, get home.
The final line captures the essance of all that goes before and emhpasies the cognitive dissonance that we all feel when re-watching (rightly or wrongly) this trauma.
Of course there can be no other ending, and over, and over is how it has played out in all replay. But the tense of "can't", even won't suggests the present tense, suggests that it is in the now as we watch him try to get home. Of course the reality is he "didn't" as in past tense. Had you used the past tense you would not have achieved this terrible groundhog day like effect - so the word selection was very much correct. It also helps to achieve this sense that this man became an extra in his own story - it reinforces the sadness of his fate.
A poem that touches the human aspect, rather than replaying the replays it in one sense rightly critisizes.
One thing I would add given the last point. I personally would change the title and honour the man with his name. The poem is not generic - like the man, despite the media.
Very emotive and very well written.
P.S
Please excuse any typis - virtual keyboard has its issues.
Best of
Chris
Comment is about Kettled (blog)
Thanks Laura, I do hear the critique, and I am struggling with the fact that best lines in the piece are not the conclusion. But I like the idea of there being a possible consequence to the lack of understanding, the Victorians found it in infectious disease, french aristocracy faced it staring at a basket, who knows where this lot will find it, but I sincerely hope they do.
As to the rest I was not at all upset. What we had was a deeply empassioned debate, where both parties brought hearts, ideas and ears to the exchange. I wrote a provocative piece and you were provoked to respond. I thought we had a healthy exchange in which we both ended up understanding each others views. I only ever seek appology where I think people have been insensitive or intended to offend. You did neither and I welcome your input and I am very flattered and little embarrassed by your kind words. What you have outlined is what I hope to do, I am delighted that you can see and appreciate my efforts.
Best wishes,
Mark
Comment is about If you don't understand us (blog)
Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson
Neat - and a relevant observation on the more
immediate (and more acceptable) means of contact that makes rejection more bearable.
Comment is about Rejection (blog)
Original item by Gareth Glyn Roberts
Another good 'un from the mirth meister!
If their problems are all Greek to you
And you want to see their backs,
Here is what you need do -
Just smile and mention "tax"!
Comment is about Lending (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Beautiful. A haunting image in words about 'parting in great sorrow', whatever the reason might be. Poets past and present must be smiling over a fellow spirit.
Comment is about After the leaving (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Did you realize there is a 'forum' on Discussions that deals expressly with poems where the author wants critical reconstruction. It draws some fine comments and suggestions to the original.
I'll try to get back to this tomorrow. Maybe it was Dylan Thomas who said he was so addicted to reworking he had to 'stop himself' or nothing would ever be published. Some poets apparently even rework poems between publishing events.
Comment is about For A Second I Forgot #2 (blog)
Original item by Jonnie Falafel
Cathy, I am in awe. This is brilliant, with a reverberative snap that nearly breaks the reader's neck. It is personal honesty and writing skill seldom available to be 'enjoyed'.
Comment is about Inter urinas et faeces nascimur (blog)
Original item by CathyLCrabb
Full of mood, well developed with telling diction. It's interesting that it is a 'radio' instead of any old box, however beautifully made. That choice must be deliberate for all kinds of associated ideas; and that the 'sounds' and 'shape' are rural in the sense of open water, pine woods, damp caves and a 'fox'. Also the 'last' radio - as in last - because of what exactly? And who has gutted the electronics inside. It's like a sci-fi movie in a moment.
Comment is about The Radio (blog)
Original item by Tom Harding
Eli, better later than never! You probably write much differently after two years' further experience, but, just in case, IMO, there is more punctuation than really needed. I find myself using less with every poem, but prize-winners are still full of it, used very carefully. And do beware of the 'its' meaning ownership/possession as compared with 'it's' meaning 'it is'. Who would know in performance, of course, but once paged, it is important.
Comment is about Fear (blog)
Original item by Eli Anderson
But, presuming the vowels are pronounced, the rhythm is superb. It just flows along like an ancient chant - with the murmured beat of drums under the fingers. I, too, would enjoy knowing what the words actually mean. While they don't sound aggressive, who knows?
Comment is about Hands of Ankh (blog)
Original item by Eli Anderson
What forces are at work? Good question and good work
Steve
Comment is about Whereabouts (blog)
Original item by Tom
Thanks Isobel. I was reading a book about Richard Burton and hes quoted as saying 'the only thing in life is language' and thats what started me off. Actions are important of course but the root of our speech and what we say has always fascinated me.
Comment is about Language (blog)
Original item by Steve Higgins
Great poem, and I love your comment Chris about why would the gown be felt at all.
That is an achingly beautiful photo as well Tommy, I do hope the woman involved consents to be shown in public though.
Comment is about After the leaving (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Great poem - thought of writing something myself but couldn't get beyond my anger
Comment is about Kettled (blog)
Mmm very atmospheric this, like a private sneaky peek into an intimate moment. Love the 'words like spoons' verse - excellent writing.
Comment is about INTERLUDE (blog)
Original item by John E Marks
And that's where I'd disagree, though I used to think like this.
It's our actions that really count - words can sound very pretty - but it's what we do that makes us who we are. I'd probably be lost without the words too though.
Lovely thoughtful poem though.
'Because words come from deep within
Because all our thoughts
All our feelings
Are melted down inside our skin'
Comment is about Language (blog)
Original item by Steve Higgins
Ah, good one! This would definitely have been a contender in our nonsense poem competition in March last year. I kept meaning to write another one cos I loved messing about with the language so much! :D
Comment is about Sci-Fi So Good (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Hi Mark - I tried to send you a message but not entirely sure it's gone through!
This is another great poem, a living document of injustice and passion. I love it. In terms of critique, I'm not sure that the last verse is absolutely necessary - the 'cake' reference doesn't QUITE fit for me, although I do really like the threat of the last line.
Anyway, if you didn't get the private message, I might as well make it publicly:
Hello Mark
I know you and I had scuffles in the past, but I am just reaching out with an olive branch to see if we can put it behind us. I was out of order in the way I reacted to your poem (and I remember just what it was about!) so would like to extend the hand of peace.
Your latest poems are not just good or great poems, they are crucially important documents, and are what I personally see as part of a poet's 'duty', for want of a better word. I applaud your passion, your commitment, and your integrity.
Anyway, you don't have to accept this, there's no obligation, but it's here.
Cheers
Laura
Comment is about If you don't understand us (blog)
Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson
Lovely images - though I feel I want to hear more.
Comment is about After the leaving (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
<Deleted User> (6895)
Wed 7th Aug 2013 00:19
lot of great,thought provoking lines Tom.Thanks.xx
Comment is about Whereabouts (blog)
Original item by Tom
Thank you Alex. It was fun writing it and I've had fun performing it to my family. Poetry should be fun - now and again :)
Comment is about Beautiful (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Excellent Tommy. Almost the odour of memory.
my smile's cheek - indeed, offering the literal and the image of sexual flirtation and mannish pride.
Perhaps without the photo - the poem would also hint at a darker loss...maybe in its title it already does.
Of course the fear here is also that the memory will be no longer. Otherwise why would the gown be felt at all, if it was not in order to induce the ever fading memory?
quality.
Best of
Chris
Comment is about After the leaving (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Thanks Chris, really constructive feedback. May well consider a review, agree that those are both the neatest and most effective lines, I have tidied a little (I often share far too early in the process, my poems of grow considerably when I take them of the page). I have edited out the extraneous word, you're right I reworked the line and left it there in error. Appreciate the both the time time you invested and nature of your input.
Comment is about If you don't understand us (blog)
Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson
The Puzzle Hall Inn, in God's own country of Pennine West Yorkshire, is full of character, and full of characters in the adjoining bar. But Sowerby Bridge's Puzzle Poets, aided by the mic, gave as good as they got on Monday night in terms of noise - and delivered high-quality poetry, too. Guest poet Ralph Dartford read from his new collection Cigarettes, Beer and Love, and gave us two football poems as well, and spoke of his pride at being named poet-in-residence of Ossett Town FC. John Foggin maintained the Ossett connection and contributed some masterly poems from his sequence of childhood recollections; David Lindsay delivered a fevered account of some right carryings on at Luddenden Foot; other contributors included Spoken Weird's Genevieve Walsh. Write Out Loud's Julian Jordon and Greg Freeman added their twopennworth, and with Freda Davis presiding serenely over proceedings, it was no puzzle why this was a very satisfying poetry night.
Review is about Puzzle Poets Live at the Blind Pig on 5 Aug 2013 (event)
Forgive the phrase - killer lines
We wouldn’t have to fight like dog
For the recognition none receive,
A superbly written evocation of a rather ultimate failing. A past failing, compounded by a present failing, leading to the ultimate failing - denial.
The denial not only to provide a future, but also the denial of hope for one.
Harrowing.
Comment is about Every Veterans Hair is Turning White (blog)
Original item by Noetic-fret!
An eloquent definition or re-defining of the word of your title.
Well thought.
Best of
Chris
Comment is about Re-cognition (blog)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
If you think that we're too blinkered
Far too focused on the past
Note the keyword I just stated was latest not the last.
For me these are the best lines of the poem - excellent!
For that reason, I would look to reframe the poem around these lines and go out on these words/re-jig the poem to finish with these lines.
Sometimes a high standard becomes its own headache.
All subjective of course - anyway I enjoyed reading.
One minor thing - in the last line of the penultimate stanza, the fourth word "you" needs to be removed...looks like it just got left behind in an edit.
Best of
Chris
Comment is about If you don't understand us (blog)
Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson
Stanley Unwin meets Spike Miligan - Stunned!
It must have been the zapper.
Go now, I must.
Comment is about Sci-Fi So Good (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Noise and bubbles and costumes and smiles.
Drums, cameras, banners and signs.
These lines seem to capture the energy best for me, very nice half rhyme too!
Also love the deliberate literal use of the line that followed.
"Jesus had two dads and he turned out fine"
Lovely warm humour by being literal. It's not often that you get funny biblical comedy - and it works - had me chuckling. Also how often does the bible seem to lend weight to gay rights - warm tolerant and humorous.
On a serious note, it had me thinking about how some abuse the bible by taking things very literally. I don't know if this was in your thinking, but it is a nice reversal of that practice. It just goes to show you the power of interpretation.
I can see the angle in reference to a march being a plod and can see why you are saying what you are, by way of explanation. But I can see Freda's point too.
Maybe something that connects the two and squares the circle could be achieved?
This march is not a plod - but should we need to!
Let's plod like God...
Towards freedom!
Not necessarily like the above, but..Mmm you get the idea. I guess it depends on how you feel and what is important for you to say. Maybe the poem already articulates your feelings correctly.
Comments are valid and can be of use, but a camel is a horse made by committee - so always the poet has to be the final arbiter of all.
I like the poem, the lines I highlighted in particular. Aside from the language - The sentiment is obviously very agreeable.
The only thing I would change if it were me...the title. There is the danger that it could be seen as singling yourself out from the crowd, as though to suggest you are writing a poem on the subject, kind of saying; in case your thinking, i'm not errrm you know ;). I know you're not of that mindset, but the title could lead people who don't know you into that conclusion.
Best of
Chris
Comment is about Straight Guy on a Pride March (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
This is cool, Aaron! :-) We want to see more poetry from you, little dude!!
Comment is about Monkey on the park (blog)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
Hi Aaron,
Not sure what 'on the park' means... here we say either 'at the park' or 'in the park' - if it means the same thing - otherwise, delightful and fun! Keep writing!
p.s I bet I know who that monkey was!
Comment is about Monkey on the park (blog)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
The nearly known
is the broken
it's the matchbox
that can't open.
Comment is about Matchbox (blog)
Original item by Katy Megan
You have the right to write
I certainly like what I see.
You have the right to write
if I ever dared a kiss.
You have the right to write
rather than your cute little botty.
You have the right to write
I would prefer face to face.
You have the right then to
tell me exactly on which cheek!
Comment is about I have the right to write (blog)
Original item by Shirley Smothers
<Deleted User> (11329)
Tue 6th Aug 2013 12:54
Very good, made me laugh. Keep up the good work dude!
Comment is about Monkey on the park (blog)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
Ver atmospheric -left me wanting to know more . .
Best wishes, Steve
Comment is about INTERLUDE (blog)
Original item by John E Marks
Greece has gone right down the nick since Olivia Newton John and John Travolta left! :-)Good one John!
Comment is about Lending (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Katy Megan Hughes
Thu 8th Aug 2013 20:40
Ahhh! I really like the comment on Matchbox, clever!! : )
Comment is about Nigel Astell (poet profile)
Original item by Nigel Astell