I like:- 'then his face

appeared less and less except

on telegraph poles and lampposts.'

I think the title is good.
May be you could add the words 'like you' in the penultimate verse:-
'Or else, like you, has just forgotten.

Great poem.

Comment is about When I Was Your Father (blog)

Original item by Ray Miller

Hera, hear, brother.

Comment is about LABOUR MILLIONAIRES (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Well done JC
I cherish the image of doggies in nappies when they are out.
I asked our local police if taking photos of offending dog with owner would help and they said no might be risky. - well yes if one was overt about it but I wouldn't be asking them to say 'cheese'

Comment is about "PICK IT UP" (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Chris - I don't dispute the point that the Tories were originally the party of the Shires - the old landowning gentry when land meant wealth and influence (no more, I fear!). But there was a distinct sense of noblesse oblige and an increasing acknowledgement of progress and the need to fund the education of new generations- and, importantly, the desire to encourage the INDIVIDUAL and his/her aspirations. I take the view that despite criticism and a belief in their "bad old ways" that lingers on, that it is now Labout (New or otherwise) having "got the foreman's job at last", happily defends its own financial aspirations within shifting definitions of "socialism". "New" Labour seems to have adapted to suit a changed society and "stole" where it suited them. Many well-off folk proudly define themselves as "Labour" and wouldn't vote "Tory" to save their lives. But where are they when the needs of the "brothers" are so publicly promoted and paraded? If the belief is "collective", then why not the actions and expense that the ideology appears to demand? Spread it around!!

Comment is about LABOUR MILLIONAIRES (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

I believe that certain owners actually shrink from the physical act of picking up their dog's mess. Alternatively, leaving it is a snide two-fingers at the rest of us. My sister's dog - a large black poodle called Henri (after the Arsenal player!) has the weird habit of backing his backside halfway up a tree when doo-ing what doggies do when they do their doo-doo. Wiping down the bark of a neighbourhood elm with tissues often invites curious stares! I often wonder if the tree gets any benefit from its unsolicited deposit and might even resent my efforts!

Comment is about "PICK IT UP" (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Steve. No, I don't mind that people find unintended meanings in my poems. Except that I'm aware that this particular poem has been repeatedly misunderstood so it becomes a problem for me. I'd like people to realise that it's a metaphor whilst retaining whatever subtleties are present.Sometimes a mere change of title can do the trick - but not with this one, I fear.

Comment is about When I Was Your Father (blog)

Original item by Ray Miller

I've really enjoyed your work so far Ian. Hope to read more of it soon!

Comment is about Ian Whiteley (poet profile)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

Very nice. It sounds like you had fun writing it.

Comment is about The Collector (Roget's Soliloquy) (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

Excellent war poem. Great imagery. Kudos, sir.

Comment is about Angel of Mons (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

hi laura, been too long girl! look at your biography list now, you little devil :)

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

god forbid hey?! people losing their jobs everywhere are feeling a sincere sense of putting their 'foot' in it :)

Comment is about Jack's Alright (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

No worries. And no, unfortunately I've never been to the Scillies, but would love to go if given the chance.

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

You capture well the personality change that comes over some men behind the wheel, Graham. Don't often see poems about this sort of thing. I used to be like that driving in London, and enjoyed it. Thankfully I don't have to do it any more.

Comment is about In Cars (blog)

Original item by Graham Clifford

Thanks. It's not really about a cat, metaphor and all that. I've tried 2 other titles for this - Changeling - To A Daughter Whose Name I'm Unsure Of. Dunno what's best.

Comment is about When I Was Your Father (blog)

Original item by Ray Miller

Dogs' bollocks to that Dave - there's tons of it around. Perhaps it depends on where you live. The pavements are bad enough but it really bothers me that some dog owners don't see the need to pick it up in parks and playing fields. Those fields aren't just for dog owners, they are for kids to play footie in.

lots on and Watson - I think you deserve a prize for 'forced' rhyme there John, but given the subject matter, it's quite fitting :)

Comment is about "PICK IT UP" (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Hmm, very, very clever. Plagiarist sets off copycat entries. I hope it's original?

Comment is about The cat, the damselflies, and the deer (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Thanks John. The site wasn't its usual self for me as well.

I've always loved John Cleese's acting.

Hello Frederick,
For some reason the site wouldn't let me get onto your Profile page yesterday, so apologies for the slow thanks for commenting on "Sonnet 8". Also in respect of "Hotel Fawlty Towers".
Yes, they have started doing re-runs of the series and surprisingly the humour hasn't dated one bit.

Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)

Original item by John Coopey

If at first you don't succeed and all that.

Comment is about Memory Garden (blog)

Original item by Neil Fawcett

Excellent John. There's far less dog shit around, though, than there used to be. Listening to some people you'd think everything's getting worse. It's a real, noticeable improvement.

Comment is about "PICK IT UP" (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Waffle on, Chris! That was most satisfying & mind-ordering. Many conversations aren't, & pale in comparison. Thanks a million, Chris.

Comment is about Chris Co (poet profile)

Original item by Chris Co

Very evocative. Been there!

Comment is about Toast. (blog)

Thanks for your comment on Agapanthus, David. I see you are a man of the west, so maybe you know Scilly?

Comment is about David Blake (poet profile)

Original item by David Blake

Smell can be like a Time Machine. Sometimes a smell will take me back to childhood. Take care, Tony.

Comment is about Toast. (blog)

Beautiful. Take care, Tony.

Comment is about The Adaptation. (blog)

Great stuff Laura!!! Take care, Tony.

Comment is about Jack's Alright (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Love this!! Take care, Tony.

Comment is about LABOUR MILLIONAIRES (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Glad you aren't pissed off with my comments...I blame the medication. : )

I think I had 'triple tautology' as 'Linear', 'time' and 'passing' all being much of a muchness, without adding or elaborating each other as concepts. Call me a liar, but (Sci-fi apart, and I didn't take this as a sic-fi poem) time tends to, hmmm, pass...err, linearly? And, if it don't, then surely that would be one of the points the poem would be making?

You are right about the, hah, 'right angle' though. Forgive me, I was being unconscionably picky.

Go on, 'ave a go at making it a 'aiku. It could be brill!

: )

Jx

Comment is about Memory Garden (blog)

Original item by Neil Fawcett

Thanks for your comments on First Class Ticket. My son in law gave me the title and said, "Do something with that!" Glad you like it. Take care, Tony.

Comment is about David Blake (poet profile)

Original item by David Blake

Thanks for your comments on World Leaders. Poetry revolution? Take care, Tony.

Comment is about David Blake (poet profile)

Original item by David Blake

Thanks for your comments on However it may seem. Take care, Tony.

Comment is about David Blake (poet profile)

Original item by David Blake

Beautiful evocation of understandable regret in human terms. Life has its way.

'semi-detached' is contextually well chosen.

When they were little and I was young - that's a nice reversal of expectation. Time affects us all - well expressed.

The final two lines are lovely. The need for complication well avoided.

Best

Chris

Comment is about Children (blog)

Original item by John E Marks

Hi David. Thanks for your comments on Christine. I am working on the song version. It will be on my profile page as soon as it is recorded. Take care, Tony.

Comment is about David Blake (poet profile)

Original item by David Blake

Just a few asuggestions -
slandering littering - bit of a mouthful, I'd just have slander.

If it’s in the papers then it’s obviously fact?

But Jack you know it doesn’t go into their workless purse - I'd omit Jack, reads smoother without.

without a dime to call the time on - rhymes with dine on, seems silly not to.

and pray your acts of Daily Fail - I think it's a weak line, or at least "your acts of" could be improved upon.

Comment is about Jack's Alright (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Hi Chris Thanks for kind comment on my Dubai 'postcard'. I started doing them as a bit of fun as they enabled me to capture all sorts of fleeting memories, but also play around with ideas that interest me.

Comment is about Chris Co (poet profile)

Original item by Chris Co

Should perform really well.

I’m all ears for your misplaced fears

That's the essence and best line for me.

Also liked the two lines that followed in that stanza.

If it were me - I would try and get those three last lines from the first stanza into my ending. I think those lines are very strong and I would somehow try and work them round. Subjective of course.

Either way - should perform really well.

Best

Chris

Comment is about Jack's Alright (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Cheers Laura.

Comment is about Memory Garden (blog)

Original item by Neil Fawcett

Well written verse, with a clear and honest question.

Politically I would say - Blair and everything since are about as Labour as a Ten gallon hat is English. New Labour are a centrist party or Tory lite as I would term them. They're not of the left and certainly, they're not socialist.

The working class have been disenfranchised - nobody represents them anymore. Beyond activists, unions and sentiment, there is no left; left.

None of which is to say that anyone claiming to be for the people can't be a liar from the beginning or a sellout on the way. We've all read Animal Farm in reference to the corruption of an ideal. And Champagne socialists have also often bubbled to the top. But that has never meant the aims and ideals were wrong.

let's be clear; the Tory party or New Labour are not morally equivalent to labour of the past or to socialism.

Socialism has achieved a great many things for the common man. Failings were there of course, but failings are failings. Tory's are wrong by desire and design - not via failings. They are a party of vested interests and socially divisive.

The hypocrisy you question is there - but it is New Labour. Hammer them with words - quite right. But bare in mind scale too. New Labour are not on quite on the same level as the Torys.

Great debate starter...and I did enjoy the rhythm and continuity of the piece.

Best

Chris

Comment is about LABOUR MILLIONAIRES (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

John - glad to hear that you've emerged from the tunnel. I welcome your critique, although I find it a bit confusing in places. I can understand your issue with the use of 'linear' in as far as it can be argued that it is unnecessary. However, to describe it as a 'triple tautology' is, I think, misplaced. Linear time as a Newtonian concept is not universally accepted
and I don't see the problem of being explicit about what form of time the poem is operating in. Passing through the ninety degree angles of a square while following its lines is bound to bring you back 'round' to the starting point, not difficult to understand. "Hopelessly mixed metaphors". You'll have to justify that one:) Haiku? You're 'avin' a laff mate.

I enjoyed the crit though;-)

Comment is about Memory Garden (blog)

Original item by Neil Fawcett

thanks ste. yes artifice, clever stuff but often too subtle renders itself undone.

fixed some spelling errors.

Comment is about cacti plant (blog)

Original item by Rachel Bond

And also: thanks for your comments on 'Maria en la Roca'. Just in case you didn't see: I posted a response on the same page:

...

"Thanks for the feedback Isobel. Yes, the bit in brackets isn't very good really, I agree. I wrote it ages ago where I used to put alternative titles in parentheses.

With this title it was more an image-association thing with me so I understand must be difficult for anyone else to follow. That's the trouble with me not having really shared my poems much up to now, in that I can't really get a good sense of what I'm doing right or wrong.

You're right about the title. But it was more of an image-poem here rather than following a clear meaningful narrative, which can sometimes backfire with me. For people who like certainty and not just messing around for words, I guess this poem isn't going to be their thing."

...

Cheers.

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Great piece. Nice message in it too. Lennon at the end was a nice touch.

Comment is about First Class Ticket. (blog)

It's been done plenty of times before but this is very good. The repetition of 'world leaders' at the end of the four main stanzas serves as a kind of rallying call, a challenge, although deep down you know that things won't change.

Favourite line/s:

'Weapons research that tops the pile,

The N.H.S must wait for a while...'

Comment is about World Leaders. (blog)

I like the final line; it brings the whole piece to an abrupt yet fitting end. Putting something into plain words can sometimes have the biggest impact. Good stuff!

Comment is about However it may seem. (blog)

Very good! I can see the middle stanza would work well as a chorus in a song. Those short but sharp lines would suit one very well.

Comment is about Christine. (blog)

To pass over
they say goodbye
children crying so.

It is the
wandering ghost who
cannot let go.

Comment is about The Emergency Room Visit (blog)

Original item by Shirley Smothers

'It’s precious hard to fathom a cat –
harder still to ask for one back.'

I think that's an almost perfect poem on its own. No co-incidence that it is 17 syllables!

It's precious hard to
fathom a cat, harder still
to ask for one back.

Fucking genius. No, I mean it.

Brill
Lovely.
Fab!

: )
Jx

Comment is about When I Was Your Father (blog)

Original item by Ray Miller

Some lovely sonics in here Ray, and agree with Steve, a poignancy about the whole of the piece. I like how that last line links in with the first verse too.

Comment is about When I Was Your Father (blog)

Original item by Ray Miller

Still not sure what 'linear' has got to do with it? Time passes, linearly: sounds like a triple tautology to me.
'Straight back round' clunks a bit for me: is it straight? Is it round? There's nothing 'round' about 90 degrees, that's the corner of a rectangle and, as you say later, is 'square'.

I think there's something rather neat and quite profound here, struggling to emerge from a bunch of hopelessly mixed metaphors.
I suspect, with careful paring, a deft Haiku could emerge.

But, as others have said earlier , 'Hey, what do I know?'

Goodstuff though. Thanks.

: )

Jx

Comment is about Memory Garden (blog)

Original item by Neil Fawcett

Cheers matey!!

Comment is about Mike Hilton (poet profile)

Original item by Mike Hilton

Great stuff Laura. You've nailed it brilliantly!
Can't wait to see you shout this out loud!

I posted one recently when I got on my high horse about homelessness called Gimme Shelter and pointed it at the decision makers and fat cats etc.( got a lot of my chest )
The more people that raise the issues the better.

Rock on Sister!

Comment is about Jack's Alright (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor