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Philipos

Tue 1st Nov 2011 17:04

Eloquently atmospheric I'd say. Conjures up the mood quite well and the sense of church.

Ah the irreverence of youth and creeping doubt of certain older un's. Although I like the thought that souls become twinkling stars. Dream on Philipos.

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Rachel Bond

Tue 1st Nov 2011 16:45

i thought everyone in world knew monkey magic...please google you will not be sorry. 80s import tv show for kids and those fond of the fantasy of the orient. i would not be who i am today without monkey. (its his fault)

Comment is about Nurikabe Nights (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Rachel Bond

Tue 1st Nov 2011 16:37

love the flow of words and the assonant ryhming.

to make light i have to say the the nurikabe sounds like a character from monkey magic! :) i miss my daily reflections with lord tripitake the cross dress buddhist priest, the naughty ape, filthy pigsy and cutes blunders of sandy water death goth :) what a show. dont know if chinese/japanese excuse my ignorance here.

God saw an egg on the mountain top :)

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Laura Taylor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 16:32

Cheers ears - well, it's not technically a haiku not even in the English sense, which is why I didn't tag it as such (pedant? moi?) but it did seem to be a natural structure to use for it. This actually felt like, again, how I've been just lately, all those walls/worries that are seemingly impenetrable, but they're not, are they?

Another thing about yours was the 'journey towards morning' - which is another similarity between the two :)

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Dave Bradley

Tue 1st Nov 2011 16:28

Hi Laura, yes it was fun. A mini poetic flash mob. (-:

I like yours a lot - so right to use haiku to explore a Japanese theme. It's a great structure for musing, too, and the idea of nurikabe somehow provokes reflection. When a wall stops us, sometimes we just think, and that's how yours feel.

Comment is about Nurikabe Nights (blog)

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Dave Bradley

Tue 1st Nov 2011 16:18

Thank you Andy, Steve, Stella, Nick, Laura and Julian. that's a really interesting idea Andy. Reading it upwards works. Thank you.

Steve, I agree we can't do without words, limited as they are. I wasn't saying they're meaningless - just inadequate, which touches on Laura's question. To which I would (hesitantly) respond that Yahweh is where He/She always was and that the words are clues or pointers.

Julian - you could be right but that's how it felt and I'm not changing it now!

Comment is about Thou (blog)

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Laura Taylor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 16:12

Hahaa!! :D

Ace! Interesting how you mention seeing them so that eyes may know them, and about destroying them - I did that too :D

I like how yours has prayers in it, and mention of a tribe. I see the people I connect with as part of my tribe :)

Also see a link between ours with certain phrasing.

edit to add: I find this really touching actually. And...kinda relates to how I've been lately. And my friends looking after me :)

Well - this was FUN! I would totally recommend others having a go at this :)

Comment is about Nurikabe (blog)

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Mark Mr T Thompson

Tue 1st Nov 2011 16:10

There will be plenty of political poetry at Intimates at the Poetry Cafe on Friday night!
A taster...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2OObuZktGU

Comment is about Write Out Loud celebrates another record month (article)

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Greg Freeman

Tue 1st Nov 2011 15:22

I see Steve picked up on the ending of Redundancy straight away. He is a more perceptive bloke than me, it's true. And it does seem clear now. I will try to allocate more time for the reading of poems in future, if possible.

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Julian (Admin)

Tue 1st Nov 2011 14:56

I love this too, great structural idea, though I felt a little short-changed that you did not continue the one-by-one word reduction, which would have given, in my view, a more powerful ending:

You have to use words

You have to use

You have to

You have

You
--
or is it just me?

Comment is about Thou (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Tue 1st Nov 2011 14:06

Thankyou for the comments, very kind! x

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Laura Taylor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 13:17

Enjoyed this Tommy - you did make me want to booze at lunchtime though ;)

Comment is about This is not a vodka; ginger, ice and lime (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

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Laura Taylor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 13:05

Ooo I like this!! Very interesting structure - and finishing with you contrasting with Thou - stroke of brilliance that chuck.

If you can't capture God with words, then where does that leave Yahweh? ;)

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Laura Taylor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 13:02

Ace poem Andy

Comment is about Womb Sunrise (blog)

Original item by Andy N

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Laura Taylor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 12:59

What stella and harry said ;D

Great piece Kealan - hope you're continuing to get published chuck

Comment is about Sometimes I Am Not Born (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

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Gemma Lees

Tue 1st Nov 2011 12:51

OCTOBER 2011:

We had a bit of a rollercoater ride this month, the ups were that we had a record 26 performers and Norman's brilliant guest slot.

Unfortunately we also had some downs in the shape of a yapping dog and a rather drunk fellow who loved to hear the sound of his own voice, kept interrupting me, gave the longest intro to a poem I've ever had at Middleton (7 mins) and decided that we were all too stuck up (well I will take that with a pinch of salt!)

Feedback:

Areas for Improvement: I love dogs but an open mic's not the place! I wouldn't bring Max lol! ditto, open the door more 2 stuck up, start on time!, as Katie and Joy said (re. dogs!)

Good Points: Good night lots of fun, magic and myth abounds no improvement needed, lovely evening Gemma, great night as usual, everything great, great night keep up the good work, great night, great night, great night (so good they said it thrice), evtertainign and though-provoking Norman was great, great feedback, great to listen to, great poety again, great as always!, the warmest of welcomes for new-comers great banter quality diverse poetry all situations handled deftly by the compere Gemma, great poetry Norm's fantastic guest slot supportive and friendly.

Review is about Write Out Loud - Middleton on 27 Nov 2011 (event)

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Nick Coleman

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:48

Nice one Dave. The inadequacy of words -

Comment is about Thou (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Laura Taylor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:45

Another great piece Rach - love the structure of this, the questions, the hidden shit that DH can sometimes bring out. I like your comment about his work heh - same here ;D

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<Deleted User> (6315)

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:38


I like this too Dave, and I think that's a great idea that Andy has too... :) It is as if the You in this is very small..

Comment is about Thou (blog)

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Laura Taylor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:37

Finally catching up!

LOVE this - hard pressed to single out any particular line or verse, but that second verse is well in your face :D

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Philipos

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:36

Hello Greg, 'An Englishman's Home' your kind comments always appreciated. Much obliged.

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

steve mellor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:36

Hi Hi Dave
Good stuff
Words are meaningless?
Could we survive without them?

Comment is about Thou (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

<Deleted User> (6315)

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:34

missed open nets and closed down shops..It's an interesting title too Andy...well done you! :)

Comment is about Womb Sunrise (blog)

Original item by Andy N

steve mellor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:33

Hi Dave - many thanks for the time taken to comment
'A' Factor - You pretty much hit the nail on the head.
I have wondered, for a while, how easy it would be to stray into the mindset that prevailed in Nazi Germany, and how many people at that time seemed to accept what we now see as abhorrent acts being perpetrated.
The fact that Ann was Dutch (with all that the Dutch had to suffer in the war) and that she was wheelchair-bound, would have made her a prime target for the camps (and she couldn't have tap-danced to extend her life) brings the possibilities too close to home.

I've also wondered how much of a detrimental influence The 'X' Factor has. Millions of people slavering over people who really shouldn't be on the stage, never mind a major TV channel. How simple for the audience to encourage the acts to become more and more outlandish.

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Philipos

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:27

Hello John, 'An Englishman's Home' much appreciate the kind words. Sorry to hear about the eucalyptus though (RIP).

That said we are all probably mass murders when it comes to polishing off plants through neglect.

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Laura Taylor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:19

Ta Chris for your note on Clear Blue Air :)

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Laura Taylor

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:18

Hey Dave - sorry for the late reply, but thank you for your note on Gordon, appreciate it :)

Comment is about Dave Carr (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Carr

<Deleted User> (7075)

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:04

Hi Again, Liked your two samples, the rhythm in them and your style. Try a blog entry. It will catch peoples eye I am sure. Winston

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Original item by Yvonne

<Deleted User> (7075)

Tue 1st Nov 2011 10:01

Hi Yvonne, A very warm welcome to the Write out Loud Website, hope you enjoy exploring our pages, Winston

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David Cooke

Tue 1st Nov 2011 09:51

Still don't like 'pay off'. Two syllables too clumsy, but think 'deal' might work better than 'chance' as we do talk about getting getting a 'good deal' when talking about redundancy/early retirement.

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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David Cooke

Tue 1st Nov 2011 09:42

Hi Greg Thanks for the comments on 'Redundancy'. The dog was a red setter, but he made out he had called it 'Red' to celebrate his 'redundancy' pay-off. I hope that makes sense. John had his own weird way of seeing things. His employment history was way too complicated to fit it all in a poem and along with his English state pension he had one from Ireland based in 5 years contributions back in the 1950s. No wonder their economy went belly up! I did originally put 'pay-off' in the last line instead of 'chance'. That might make it clearer, although I preferred the single syllable as I thought it flowed better. Maybe I should think again. Do you think that would make better sense?

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David Cooke

Tue 1st Nov 2011 08:52

HI Andy Thanks for taking the time to comment on Redundancy.

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

<Deleted User> (9821)

Tue 1st Nov 2011 08:18

SPEECHLESS, GREAT WORK INDEED

Comment is about American? (blog)

Original item by Noetic-fret!

<Deleted User> (9821)

Tue 1st Nov 2011 08:12

I LOVE YOUR POEM TICKET TO RIDE

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

<Deleted User> (9821)

Tue 1st Nov 2011 08:06

I LOVE IT ....

Comment is about Let the Wind Rage Outdoor... (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

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Andy N

Tue 1st Nov 2011 08:01

very clever, Dave.. Impressive stuff as normal.. Out of interest - did you try this the other way round (Could be a idea for another piece maybe?)A

Comment is about Thou (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Andy N

Tue 1st Nov 2011 07:58

not sure if i am that wild on the last stanza here, kealan but can see the way it links to the title.

excellent piece otherwise as normal..

Comment is about The Moon: Golfballs, astronaut shit (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

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Graham Sherwood

Mon 31st Oct 2011 22:59

You know what I think John. Some men are men, some are gods. Bremner was never worthy to be in the same photo, let alone on the same pitch.

I heard the HR comment Dave (praise indeed).

Comment is about The Ballad of The Boy and The Man (blog)

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John Coopey

Mon 31st Oct 2011 21:44

Nice work again, MC. Impressive use of abab rhyming patterns in such short lines. I recognise and envy the skill. The rhythm is also self-evident and persistent despite varaiable line lengths. (The mark of a musician).

Comment is about PERSIAN PUNCH - the death of a great race horse (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

<Deleted User> (6315)

Mon 31st Oct 2011 21:18


Interesting take on the emotion Eli..I rather like that third verse..it stands out for me. :)

Comment is about Fear (blog)

Original item by Eli Anderson

<Deleted User> (7212)

Mon 31st Oct 2011 21:05

whaddya mean ?? - I'm the good-looking one in the family

Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)

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John Coopey

Mon 31st Oct 2011 20:00

Also, just seen your e-mail about the changes to Giggling Girls.
One of the lines from "The Boy and the Man" is a bit awkward - "The career of The Man". This takes a bit of knocking in!

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John Coopey

Mon 31st Oct 2011 19:46

Thanks for the comments on "The Ballad of The Boy and The Man". There's been times over the past 40 years when I'd have played Mackay even if he was 60 years old!

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John Coopey

Mon 31st Oct 2011 19:39

Hello Greg. Thanks for commenting on "The Ballad of The Boy and The Man". You certainly wouldn't have fancied Jones's chances if he had got hold of Mackay like that!
Thanks also for your thoughts on my clumsy attempt at Guitar Tango on Facebook.

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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John Coopey

Mon 31st Oct 2011 19:36

Hello Dave. Thanks for commenting on "The Ballad of The Boy and The Man". I saw Mackay play a few times when I was a lad - mostly when Spurs visited Forest. He has the reputation now as the Hard Man of that midfield, the foil for Blanchflower. But I think this vastly underestimates his footballing skills. He was much more complete than just a Hard Man.
I only saw the highlights of the Spurs/QPR game and Parker certainly looks a "steal" (along with van der Vaart).

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

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Julian (Admin)

Mon 31st Oct 2011 18:58

yes, it is a poem and it is not a rant. Excellent Freda. OK, prehaps I was hasty in asking where it all was, instead of seeing what we have here on this site!

Comment is about Tax the Rich (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

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Julian (Admin)

Mon 31st Oct 2011 17:32

We are struggling for a venue again, so closed this month I am afraid. More news when we have it.

Review is about Hebden Bridge - Write Out Loud on 2 Nov 2011 (event)

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Nick Coleman

Mon 31st Oct 2011 17:23

Harry, yes this is very moving,an apple that wanted picking but the hand reaching out to it froze.
And Thanks for comments on Womb. Ditto I am an old fart who really does not want to labour too hard to 'get' a poem (and I dont do sudoku either.)

Comment is about FOR ROSE (blog)

Philipos

Mon 31st Oct 2011 17:21

'An Englishman's Home' thanks Larisa appreciated your comments although the eucalyptus tree in question is in next door's garden and guarded by 2 black Labradors whose teeth can cut through bone.

Nice to hear from you though.

Comment is about Larisa Rzhepishevska (poet profile)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

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M.C. Newberry

Mon 31st Oct 2011 16:13

I'm old enough to remember the original reported incident. This is a nostalgic bit
of sporting verse that brings it back so well.
Well up to your usual high standard, J.C.

Comment is about The Ballad of The Boy and The Man (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

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