(To “Hark The Herald Angels Sing”)

The Christmas pudding’s gone all soggy,

And I’ve burnt the Christmas cake.

The mincemeat’s oozed out of the pies,

It’s all been a big mistake.

The Yule log is one huge joke,

Santa’s sunk into the snow

Upside down – he’s done a bunk,

And the robin, that looks drunk.

I don’t know what we’re to do,

Even the turkey’...

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Salty tang of seaside town,

Field of rippling corn.

Newly married,

In-laws staying,

Took our chances,

Passions reborn.

We had to stand

To fulfil need,

Silently praying

No one to appear.

Both shuddering,

Did the deed.

Lengthy kisses,

Your hands in my hair,

How we laughed

Like naughty children,

Leaving shelter of tree

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My hubby was always useless

When it came to kitchen work,

Couldn’t even boil an egg,

He’d always act a berk.

I taught my son how to cook,

He was a willing learner.

But did my man even know

How to switch on a burner?

Even when it came to washing up,

It was guaranteed there’d be

Important things for him to do.

As if there wasn’t for me!

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Our Melanie bought me a footstool.

So pleased with it I am.

But now Benji seems to think it’s his,

And doesn’t give a damn.

So it seems the best solution

Is to share it as best we can,

My poor bandaged, bunion-less foot

And my little hairy man.

One for fun!

P.S.  Sorry Banksy, this must be as corny as that other one!!

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You composed for her - but when a song for me?

How I wanted you to pen a song for me.

So many songs dedicated to her name,

I waited so long but then a song for me!

I can’t be jealous when she has you no more.

With this I can forget Jen, a song for me.

My first beautiful ballad that turned me on,

You wrote like no other men a song for me.

...

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 my mind wanders

places unexplored

outer space

mind-blowingly vast

beyond our galaxy

planets sparkle

billions of them

so many

light years away

and beyond the stars

I can’t comprehend

just space

utterly infinite

unfathomable

like this space

in my head

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Goodbye bunion, you rotten sod,

And bloody good riddance to you!

Oh, how I long to be better shod

In a much more dainty shoe!

So long bunion, I wish you farewell.

You’ve been nothing but aggro and pain.

For a while your removal will cause hell.

You’re enough to drive me insane!

Farewell bunion, it’s the end for you.

If only you didn’t have a t...

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How can you not see?

Standing here is me.

Now you pass me by,

Can you not see me?

Smitten from first sight,

You could never see.

Seems my destiny

You will not see me.

Hello, my name’s Lynn,

Please say you see me.

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Government announced

They’re cutting jobs, increasing

Our unemployment.

Folks on benefits

Must go on out and get jobs.

What jobs exactly?

In pain or work-shy,

Who will want to employ them?

When there’s so much choice?

Wonder what planet

Our prime minister is on,

It sure ain’t this one!  

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Sloth and Righteousness argued in the street,

Common Sense told them to button it.

Freedom sat on the fence.

Sloth slunk off,

Righteousness argued the point,

Common Sense felt weary,

Freedom sat on the fence.

The sun came out to play,

Righteousness slipped into shade,

Common Sense went to prevail elsewhere.

Freedom sat on the fence.

...

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Your love is all-consuming!

In the throes of passion,

You swallow me whole.

Your eyes are limpid pools

I want to drown in.

I am a willing hostage

In your steamy embrace.

Never release me

For no freedom could taste

As sweet as your mouth.

We share each other’s air,

The very air we breathe,

Our bed and our home,

Our hearts and ou...

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Freedom is elusive,

We yearn for it when young.

But do we ever achieve it?

Is it not just a fallacy?

Once grown we discover

Invisible ties that bind.

Yet would we be without

Our friends and family?

It barely needs saying,

Compared to a prisoner

Or an animal in a cage,

We appear to be free.

But while money exists,

A man made commodity,

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Multi-talented,

He played many instruments,

Sang, danced and acted.

In spite of all this,

He was much better known as

A comedian.

He reached ninety-five,

We still have his slapstick films,

Rest in peace, Norman.

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You walked out of my life,

I cried so much.

And now that you’re back,

You lost your touch.

The spell is lost

That had me bound,

Gone for ever,

Nowhere to be found.

You no longer belong

Here in my place,

So do me a favour

And get out of my face.

What do you mean?

Have I someone new?

I don’t need another

To know it isn’t you!

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Did we not all arrive in the very same way?

Are we not all from a man’s seed?

Were we not all born from a woman’s womb?

Are we not all humans? Do we not all bleed?

So how can one man be worth a six digit figure?

Hundreds of thousands every year?

While another is worth five pounds eighty an hour?

An existence with very little cheer.

There have to be di...

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Unaware of my heartache,

People greeted me with joy.

“You’ve had your baby?

Congratulations!

Is it a girl or a boy?”

So hard it was to answer,

And say the awful truth.

What in the world could

Have prepared me in my

Nineteen years of youth?

Nothing else that I could say.

“She was stillborn,” I said.

Of course they felt bad

But w...

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When I’m out on my walkies,

I like to suddenly stop.

My paws go in all directions,

It puts Mum and Dad on the hop!

It may be at a junction,

Do I want to go t’other way?

Can I choose my own route?

Well, now and again, I may.

Sometimes they just stand there,

Hoping I’ll see sense.

Other times they pick me up,

Well, hey, I’m not that dense.

I...

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Would you like to buy our last

Fresh cream apple puff?

Do you need to leave so fast?

Are you sure you bought enough?

And how about this coffee éclair?

Can you resist it, sir?

Oh, you know this lady with red hair?

Will you buy it for her?

An eccles or a carrot cake?

You must want a blueberry muffin.

A chocolate one with a flake.

Open yo...

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I have read each and every notice

On the x-ray department walls.

I wish I’d brought a book to read

While waiting for my calls.

One call to come have an x-ray,

Another to find if it took,

I’ve been in here an hour,

Oh, why didn’t I bring a book?

But then just think how bored I’d be

Without this ode to compose.

I should have brought pen and paper

...

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The smell of fresh rain

Following hot days of sun,

A rainbow in June.

Blades of grass glisten

With pearl-like drops of water

From billowing clouds.

Red rosebuds sparkle,

Their scent mingles with the rain,

A fresh beginning.

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So many times

You stood me up,

So many times

I cried.

Your family always

Came first.

There was no time left

For me.

I wonder,

Was I to feel grateful

For the snatched

Hour or two?

I saw your beautiful wife

And adorable children

For the first time

Yesterday

In the park.

And unbeknown to you,

I watched you with them.

...

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Where have Mum and Dad gone?

She’s never felt so alone.

Even her bigger brothers

Managed to leave home.

She does not feel confident,

So will just rest awhile.

She is not yet ready

To go that extra mile.

But now she’s feeling hungry,

The food supplies run out.

And all she can really do

Is try and have a shout.

Ah! Here comes Fathe...

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Julia drinks her coffee,

Drains the cup,

And wonders

Will he make it tonight,

Or will he remain once more

A prisoner to his family,

A wretched family

That takes so much

Out of him.

She wonders just what

He is doing right now…

He carries little Jessica

Up the stairs,

Fondly kisses

Her sleeping cheek,

And lays her down in the cot.

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I walked along the beach,

Just after dawn,

Buttoning my jacket

On a misty morn.

The air was clinging,

Cool and damp.

I came across what looked

Like an old oil lamp.

It had been washed up

On the foamy shore.

I gave it a rub,

Hoping to restore.

Suddenly I got a shock,

A genie appeared,

A funny little genie

With long flowing beard.

He...

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I’d like to be a mermaid,

Swimming ’neath the sea.

I’d learn to swish my tail

Rather provocatively,

As I sit upon a rock,

Combing my long blonde hair,

I would find such happiness

Without a single care.

But if I were to get bored

With the deep blue sea,

Maybe a bird

Is what I’d rather be.

Flying freely in the sky,

Spreading my wings

A...

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 Pretty little mermaid

With long flowing hair,

What could you tell me

About your life down there?

In your mermaid kingdom

At the bottom of the sea.

So much I would like to know!

Can you hear my plea?

Pretty little mermaid,

Sitting on the rocks,

Swishing your tail, gently,

As you comb your golden locks.

How I’d love to swim with you

To ...

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 We agreed no romance,

We’re just business partners,

So please stop eyeing me,

And that’s just for starters!

Your hand is often on my arm,

To get your thoughts across.

A touch so tender, it is true,

And light as candyfloss.

We share many jokes together,

We make each other laugh,

But mistaking this friendship

For true love ...

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In my dream

I went to heaven,

Forget Cloud Nine,

This was Cloud Eleven!

All good looking men were naked,

All the others had to wash-up

And do housework,

And wait on the women.

Husbands were only allowed

At our discretion.

Jo Brand was Queen.

The children looked angelic

As they were all fast asleep.

Richard Gere and Bruce Springsteen

Took ...

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I’ve known Jimmy since high school.

He was always such a laugh,

Hanging around with a friend or two,

Acting kind a daft.

His family moved into my street

When we were just fifteen,

I’d never fancied any guy

Until he came on the scene.

The first time I met Jimmy

He was sitting on his gate,

He said “Hi,” as I went by,

I so thought he looked great.

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People always ask why I’m a veggie.

I don’t mind this at all.

It’s the questions that sometimes follow

That drive me up the wall.

“Why do you eat fish if you don’t eat meat?”

“How come you eat eggs and cheese?”

Cos like anyone else, I eat what I like!

Oh, leave me alone, PLEASE!

I never pretend to be any better

Than anyone who eats meat.

It’s every ...

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“Oh Paul, I shall understand

If you don’t forgive me,”

She says on his doorstep

In a very sorry state.

“Will you?” he asks, “I wouldn’t.”

Then no more can he wait.

He scoops her up off the ground

And carries her inside.

And kisses her until they feel weak,

Until their tears have dried.

Kai, the collie decides to leap up

To greet the young newcomer.

...

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They enjoy a trip to the cinema,

They go dancing and bowling too.

He tries to fill the evenings

With lots of things to do.

Desire is eating them both up,

They know they will not last

Six weeks until they marry

Is not likely to go fast.

Her parents pleased she’s happy,

They approve of her new man.

In excitement she chooses a ring

And they becom...

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 Folks just don’t believe me at all,

They think I am really upbeat!

When I say I’m a perfect size 10.

It’s a shame that’s just my feet!!!

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For most of her life

She had held the dream

Of walking up an aisle in white,

And she still being a virgin

Until her wedding night.

But now she wonders if

Maybe this image of hers

Wasn’t just a little too trite.

Last night the boss she loves

Had held her in his arms,

And confessed to being

Totally head over heels.

Together they had laughed

That...

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Standing on the threshold,

I have to admit

Your home looks so inviting.

That bluesy guitar

Goes straight to my soul,

And the wind outside,

It is biting!

You dispose of my coat

And draw me inside,

You pour me a glass of wine,

And as you carefully

Pass it to me

Our fingers intertwine.

Your lighting is low and seductive,

Log flames crac...

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She gazes at her reflection in the mirror

And pokes out her tongue,

There are even more freckles on her nose

Than she noticed yesterday.

One by one she pulls out hairpins

That each held up a curl,

Tresses cascade around her shoulders,

She brushes until straight.

All that money at the salon,

Hoping to look a little older,

Only to then discover

...

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Large liquid brown eyes

Gaze up from the ice,

From sweet downy faces

On bodies of white fur.

Thousands of seal pups

Along with their mothers

Stretch out for miles

On the frozen shorelines,

A commodity of Canada.

Oh, but to visit and experience

This wonderful wildlife first hand!

But how to support a country

That fund their fisherman

To...

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Tiny dog on a massive bed?

How did that come to be?

Benji could use the new bed

I had just bought for Charlie.

But it is so much bigger

He doesn’t think it’s his.

Even all our doggy toys

Are as big as he is.

He’s not what we are used to,

He’s really very small.

But also quite a character

And no trouble at all.

Good with kids and good with do...

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Seven months we grieved our collie,

Our Max, so funny and sweet.

How we missed not having a dog,

Our home was incomplete.

And so now the time seemed right

To get a new canine friend.

We got one at a rescue centre,

A 57 variety blend.

Maybe we should have called him Heinz

But Charlie is his name.

He has the longest tongue we ever saw

But we chose...

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You’re in our hearts; you’re on my mind,

In every waking thought,

Your brown eyes held the ties that bind

From the moment we were caught.

With a toy in your mouth at Battersea,

You greeted us at your cage bars.

No other dog did I want to go see,

Now I look for your face in the stars.

It always seemed to us as though

You chose us for your owners,

...

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 A friendship is a special thing

To cherish throughout life,

Even those of not long standing

Need nurturing to growth.

Friends are there when needed,

Yet know when to allow space,

Happy to be called upon,

Understanding of lapses.

A friend will not betray you

Or cast you aside for another,

But will love you for who you are,

Not wishing ...

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 Come and work for our firm,

It’s great on minimum pay!

It’s not as though you’ll need to save

For more than one holiday.

All bank holidays will be deducted

From your annual leave.

A good working relationship

Our boss cannot achieve.

If you ask for unpaid leave

It will be refused.

If you’re sick you won’t get paid,

You’ll just feel really used.

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 In the glory of your love,

I lie naked on satin,

Our eyes transfixed

As I watch you undress,

You murmur words in French.

As you peel off your shirt,

I watch your muscles ripple.

You unfasten your belt

And bend to kiss my breast.

I reach for you

But you escape my grasp

To discard the last of your clothes.

Excitement runs through me

...

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In the glory of your love,

I lie naked on satin,

Our eyes transfixed

As I watch you undress,

You murmur words in Latin.

Now you peel off your shirt,

I watch your muscles ripple.

You unfasten your belt

And bend to suck my nipple.

I reach for you

But you escape my grasp

To discard the last of your clothes.

Excitement runs through me

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Here I lie in your warm embrace,

I feel it’s where I belong,

My head resting on your chest

At the end of a long day.

At times like this

The rest of the world

Could simply disappear,

The most important

Thing to me

Is that we still

Have each other.

I allow my thoughts to wander

Wherever they make take me.

Somewhere exotic,

(Sorry...

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A small nose, full glossed lips,

Eyes of cornflower blue.

Petite figure, slender hips,

A gaze that looks right through.

Expression bored,

My items are wrapped,

My smile ignored,

Confidence sapped.

“Thirty-one pounds then.”

The girl can speak!

She yawns again,

Concentration weak.

I see before me

A pretty young thing.

What does she see

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She rides the chestnut stallion

Along the golden beach,

His heart thumping as he waits

For her to come in reach.

With butterflies in her stomach,

She dismounts, releasing the reins.

They fall into each other’s arms,

Blood pumping through their veins.

Their lips meet with a passion,

An ecstasy of longing.

Together they experience

A strange sense ...

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 There’s a thunder storm late afternoon.

They meet by chance at eight.

She arrives at the pub in company.

He thanks the heavens for fate.

He’s sat at a table when he sees her.

She’s with a guy and another couple.

Suddenly his lager tastes bitter.

Perhaps he should order a double?

Still, she moves just like an angel.

He’s heavy hearted and forlorn.

T...

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 Among the dunes is a rolled towel

Where he rests his shaggy head.

The starlit sky for his ceiling,

The soft sand is his bed.

At one with the crisp salty tang

Of dried seaweed in his nostrils,

Sounds of the sea lull him to sleep.

What use has he of hostels?

In the morning awakened by seagulls,

Soaring and calling overhead.

He searches into his rucks...

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 I love to be in Arillas

With its rolling countryside,

A sleepy village by the sea,

A perfect golden beach.

In North WestCorfu

The evenings are stunning

As the red sun melts

Into a tranquil sea.

Yet a storm at night

Is invigorating!

How the bright forks and flashes

Light up the sky!

Then when it is spent

And all washed out

The delici...

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