Restless Inner Solitude

 

Alone amongst others

lost in a crowd

alienated without choice

friendless with no voice

killing time alone

a desire to speak

an inability to do so

cocooned in a crowd

self imposed exile

inner repression

detached from humanity

seeing but not speaking

but why?

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Passchendaele

[Here's a poem I originally blogged in 2014 with a link to the audio I produced for it on Soundcloud - it is a collection of 8 haikus]

https://soundcloud.com/the-man-at-the-back-1/passchendaele

Blind, wide open, eyes.

Dripping poppy petal tears.

Crimson rivers flow.

 

Fields transformed to mud.

Deep cut trenches scar the earth.

Wounds that will not heal.

...

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You work so hard

to woo me

Once I surrender

you become less tender

Your fingers forget

my number

Contacting me encumbers

you

It's a dance that needs

to come to an end

So I can begin

my new life

No longer a wife

I need a new man

To hold my hand

and lay next to me in my bed

Bodies warm with slumber

Both of us under

Each others spell

 

By Ly...

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I love

The forgetfulness that comes from
Speed-floating towards nothing near
The quaint line of yellow to blue;
Rippling with the current that flops
My lop side boat; tops and turvey.

 

I am

Swallowed by the sea of blue/green,

I feel

 

My scraggly strands tightly knitting
Themselves in knots of two and three,
The sun crawling slow on pink flesh,
And salty crisp; c...

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My hands are patterned by ambitions,

these lines on my skin are wishes,

palms marked like the sky after a shooting star

and shining when they interlace with your fingers,

your skin's wrinkles and crinkles.

The crevices of our skin do not match or meet

the way coloured paths on a map synchronise and intercross,

reaching destinations.

We are separate pieces of meat

but

...

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Who are you pointing at; with your twisted finger

and your meely mouth

And what gives you the right to rule our roost

When we are the youth of tomorrow and you the death of yesterday

Go with your hate and go with your crooked smile

For you  will walk the stone strewn miles

Whilst we will stagger but rise     -      eventually

 

Safe are stars; but we are here

And warrior...

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I've shed my skin a million times

Sloughing off the dead cells

Standing in a snowstorm of

Flake and dust

But every new skin appears the same

Same thoughts

Same emotions

Same old conditioned behaviours

Where is my new beginning?

Where is the skin that wears

It's heart on the outside?

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Love is such a funny thing.

It can 

eat 

you

alive 

But if can also give you the greatest fulfillment ever

It can

keep

you

up

until 6 am

But it can also be the thing that lets you sleep at night 

It can

tear

you

apart

But it can also help you grow as a person. 

And now im laying

here

600 miles

away,

But all I can think about is

you.

...

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He's the sinner's Savior, He's God's Son

His goodness is limitless, His life is matchless

He's incomprehensible, He's indescribable

The grave couldn't hold Him, but he can hold you.

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Silent stood time,
when you came to mind.
Pure delight it sought, 
in each and every thought.
Talks of ours will be cherished,
for I will never let it go perished.
Admiring our words with such amaze,
laughing about our selves like craze.
Cheered each other all the while,
till we got back our forgotten smile. 
Became friends unnoticed by all,
cocooned our hearts with a pious love shawl.
...

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like hermit crabs out of their shells

they came, all pink and personal

blinking in the freedom of light

they looked around

not over their shoulder

slightly wiser

and slightly older. 

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I fear I am breaking

Something inside me swells

and cracks

Tears and harsh words

drip through my seems

I do not recognize parts of myself

Though plenty of effort and resources

have gone into repair,

wholeness seems more foreign

than destruction

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There are those who will -.

Because they must -

Call it love

When meeting lust.

.......................................

 

 

 

.

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Hoover Damn

Got boxes and boxes of dust
I'd like to throw them out
Turn them into cement
Build something permanent

Pillows full of feathers 
Those microorganisms
Beautiful but
Don't stick them in your mouth

Rearranging the past
So it can make sense
It's temporary 
I can live with it

Rearranging the past
'Til there's nothing left
No one wants my stuff
I just get over it

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The tug of depression
It was always there
It's my greates lesson
That life wasn't mean to be fair
It's the shackles on my legs
The clouds over my head
It's the dead of the night
Never far from sight
It's the weight holding me down
Turning the smile into a frown
It's the whiskey I didn't need
Making me think I'm free
It's my monotone life
Making me scared of the highs
It's the prison ...

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Black Boy Jerome
walking stop, walking stop, closed park nest
insecticide guttered blood lumps
realtor biting torchlight, thicker dollar pile rate rat room
squat sleeping, leaning broom, dirt bridge
ate pigeon error Wednesday
Ma note sticks about Black Boy’s bridge’s lynching arcs
shining knotted ironwork, rogue’s gum
waning bridge appeal, twists, turns, joints, worn rust
move on Winter
...

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Waiting for love is discouraging.

A tedious and tiresome act.

I give in to temporary fixes

and take my own promises back.

I give each toad a chance

and before goodbye, a kiss.

The little girl I've always been 

looks back in hopes of a prince.

Though, all have not come rugged 

and many have had style.

I've given out sweet gestures

and Mona Lisa smiles.

All the wh...

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Get out of mouth now.

This is not yours.

You keep prodding at my gums, don't you get it?

 

They're sensitive.

I don't floss. 

 

I can see you past the surgical mask, behind the goggles that you keep foggy with a steam of egotistical pomposity. 

You're framed by a white room, white clothes, white breaths, because everything inside of that is dirty.

 

A living cavi...

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night is a stranger that

shouts the door down

 

and revisits me on an

evening news rerun and

black ticker tape flash

stuck on infinite loop--

 

a crisis of light that

peels back to reveal

only a dark tower sky...

 

looking into its sundial

shadow I am reminded

 

quickly of the time and

that mine will always be

considered a land apart.

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Trust Buddha,

Trust Jesus,

thoughts are the one,

creating your genesis.

Be good,

like a robinhood,

then who can stop you,

from growing in the hood.

Embrace your life,

like your wife,

and you will be cutting,

all agony with a knife!

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You see

            a land wraithed in smoke and the stink of death

You feel

            man's determination dulled by desperation and

            the hollow, guilty hope that the creeping fate might end

            at a neighbour's door.

You cannot farm in the present

At least not in Wales.

The hills were silent memorials to herds brought low,

Uncropped: a tragedy of gr...

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Note to self by Lyrical Inebriality

28/06/2017
11:07

Emotion. What is it but a mere feeling that we can control?
Or is it a corroborated sentiment thats embedded in your soul?
To me its a parasite, eager to corrupt the mind,
Keeping you away from what your heart yearns to find.

In order to move forward you must accept your past...
Its ok to make mistakes, its ok that it didnt last..
...

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last night i dreamt that you served me

and my children, in a restaurant in the city.

that as you placed our steaming food on the table

you smiled a sweet malaise and caught my eye

for just an instant, but there were oceans in

that quick glance, the churning of a

thousand regrets. how you longed for

the children that sat beside me, for

stretched skin, teary eyes and tempers.

...

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I was walking pushing my soul into the floor when i seen a flower something ive seen many times before

It was gorgeous a true beauty to behold 

And innocent much like me when i was 10 years old 

Its petals were like mirrors reflecting the truths and the past 

Its leaves were so well concealed they were one with the grass

But there was one thing oh so unique 

The center of the flo...

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I love you for your quiet confidence that screams reverence

I love you for the courage of you convictions.

For your wayward eyelids as they flap like chrysalis wings.

You make the others look like forgotten minions.

A sense of purpose lurks in the lithe abandon of your walk,

full lips smirking at fate.

I love the triumph of your uninhibited temper

as you make men rattle at the...

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Why do we do it . Who is there to Care . Women do it for all reasons . Unable to share because they have to care . We suffer with pains Unimaginable . Don't make a fuss . The pain will go away . Have Inplanted you with something to help you . It's needed don't worry just do it . So why are so many women suffering . If the side affects Are known . And why take so long to admit it . A Mesh causing l...

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Awaiting my lover to rejoice in my arms
As the heart beats faster and a slight twinge in loin
The excitement of night, of pulsation of groin
As the moments linger to nervousness of charms

Will you be delicious as I remember you?
With a welcoming smile to chase away nightmares
And savour popsicle with the seducing shares
That only you know how in the moments anew

I close my eyes to see ...

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I never been true to others
Never been so honest to myself

Sometimes shows more than what I am 
Sometimes shows lesser than what I am
But never shows equal on what truly am I

Never been so disappointed on what I am
Just wanted to show others what I can

Not showing what you truly are is not being dishonest
It's just that you want privacy
Privacy that you can want what you wanted to b...

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Twinkle twinkle little book,

How you hook,

Your readers so.

 

Tell my friends how much you mean

I hear some favorites for me

 

Twinkle twinkle little book

Look forward to see you in my nook.

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Growing up, life teaches you lessons.  The

More you experience, the more lessons

You learn, and this shapes your world view.  Lessons

Form your outlook, changing your personal

 

Perspective, as you gaze out, over your

Future, an ever-shortening view.  That

Future, the landscape of life, appeared bleak,

Featureless and hostile.  Preferring not

 

To look, understanding ...

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I guess I was the special one,

My end was quick and painless,

But now im gone you've claimed your done,

You made me feel so worthless.

 

I wondered why you stuck with me for so long,

Just to watch my eyes grow cold,

But whilst im gone you can sing your song,

You can pretend to act like your bold.

 

You cut all of us out like heavy duty removers,

I hope all the othe...

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Beauty abloom

-kishore karunik

 

I am waiting eagerly for a bloom dawn

Everything will glow red all around

There be no choose and malice

We will hear twittering of the birds loitering

Sound of human beings

Every day I awake and see killing, murder,

 Disorder and terrorism

Derailed boys will call me coward,

No power to reunify

No importance of their words

The...

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Eyes they come in all shapes, sizes and colors

But i've never seen anything quiet like yours

I've stared many in search sincerity

But I've never seen anything quiet like yours

The way they glisten in the sun when you smirk

I've never seen anything quiet like yours

The way they change shades when you're angry

I've never seen anything quiet like yours

The way they soften when...

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So close

Yet so far away

All at the same time

 

So lonely

Yet so surrounded by love

All at the same time

 

So confused

Yet so clear

All at the same time

 

Close these gaps

Yet mend the lines

All at the same time

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Their hands touched and the room stood still

Genuinely, completely stood dead still

He held her hands tight across the table

Wanting to shout out but he wasn't able

Wanting to shout she's the one I love

Tearing down values he'd long understood 

Life is for living with no holding back

Only truly experienced with love in full flame

Not playing the margins in some fake game

...

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Vertices iv

Jan folded the letter
her finger formed an edge.

She looked up-
somebody was explaining functionality:

Platonic solids.

She stared:
the new argument was written
on the white board-

she returned to the letter-
another fold
another plain

pressing
opening,
rereading.

The diagrams explaining.
His words revealing

vertices missed;
he to the point.

Words r...

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The hearse moved slowly
Like a shining silver wraith
Gliding through the summer scene
Along the road from Manningtree.

The coffin carried at the rear
Dressed with bunch of lillies,
Bore its dead with dignity
Upon their final journey.

Following the river's edge
Alongside bright green grassy verge
Over-hung with agèd trees
Seeing all from up on high.

The tidal river full and ...

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 I visited my cousins in Russia

One summer vacation day,

And my conclusions during my stay

Turned out to be more than I could say.

*

What happened?

*

Older cousin surfs on laptop

Younger did that and ipod games too

Sister sticks to ginormous ipad

I skim online webs in hullabaloo!

*

What’s happening?!

*

Day after day, hour after hour

We’re caught in the ...

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As the illusion shatters around me

As the dust melts away into reality, I realise

I realise like everytime before, this wasn't real 

 

Everything you said to me wasn't real 

Everything I felt was real

Every moment we shared I managed to translate incorrectly 

Each look misjudged 

Each smirk misread 

Each nudge misinterpretated 

 

'I never liked you' 

'I never li...

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Falling Apart

Falling Apart

My Life

My Heart

Always falling apart

 

From head to toe

I'm a mess

But you would never know

I don't have a clue which way to go

 

I need you now...

Your tranquillity to calm my restless soul

Don't fail me now...

I have no other to shield and protect me 

From this crazy mess that is

Myself...

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Do you know where I left it ? I just can't recall. I often think about it, Tho Somestimes not at all. I think you know, just where it is But you won't tell me, will you ? You've hid it from me , all these years. YOU HIDE THAT LONGED FOR ANSWER !   No your wrong, oh your so wrong I'AM NOT ONE WHO KNOWS Don't tell me  speak, the Truth,  JUST PLEASE LET ME ALONE ALL RIGHT. AL...

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i burnt my eyes for you!!! i stared into the sun for hours for you!!! and you wont even take a glance for me?? what is it that hollows out my heart to be filled with smoke and empty friends all i ever wanted was for sour candy to touch my tounge but instead i got a pile of dead worms shoved down my throat! this is what i get for having a kind heart? i never wanted your dark moon love for i thought...

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photo credit: Intermedia Arts

Geneva and John Henry played songs like they learned them, by rote, for as long as they could but knots of unrequited living or unrequited love didn’t unraveling to satisfy their needs. Something more was required; a hook, a head or a melody wouldn’t carry them away anymore. They longed for passage to spaces beyond what they knew into somewhere other than here. Eve...

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Words too hot for the tongue

 

I was once a flame kindling with every thought

The fire inside grew brewing hearty soup.

Everyday i checked to see it was hot.

My cooking cycle seemed endless, a constant

loop

 

nothing in the world could put my fire out

My flame made the sun look like a candle.

this scorching affection burned through any doubt

The slightest touch ...

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...

 

All I wanted to do, was sit with you,
create absurd worlds of moving sausage rolls
in smoke-filled telescopic bells and timps
n’ pot-flops of sound.  
I could have kept you warm day after day
after day after day after day. Apart from the
23rd of May 1058 when I’m supposed to be
buying a Bulgarian bulrush.
You told me once that your feet and your hands
and your body do get some...

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(A friendly warning for those members of
the women`s PLP  who were elected by
`leave` constituencies)
l

 

Given that our decaying, aging population
Is causing this perilous rush of immigration,
Is cheapening the morning after pill abuse
By `incentivising inappropriate use`?

(Think! for every pill that proves efficacious
Space for immigration`s made more spacious!).

 

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I vote with my feet

carrying the creature

from the sterile house

to a living environment

those like me who capture spiders in a plastic cup
to take them out of the house
make one great group in society
another great group has other ideas
and so society is split

we move through the same space

like thoughts in a head

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I am fifteen years old and I think I own the world.

I have a boyfriend and he loves me.

He yells at me but that is okay, he loves me.

He shoves me but that is okay, he loves me.

He slapps me but that is okay, he loves me.

He holds me down as I yell and scream because it hurts but that is okay, he loves me.

 

I am sixteen years old and I escaped my first abusive relationship.

...

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Dark mirror dragon-kings black swans
Your shadows lick the mural beam
Bathe most caves and cloak the flame..

The Magi of Pipers
The spell casters' prescience
Incantatory grand designs murmur..

Nothing of More in three in two in one..
The chambers echo canned echoes
Grim shepherds whistle and tails wag dogs..

The heretics weep..
They have peeked at the Illumined masters
And their s...

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When my dad was in his failing years my sister, Linda, and I used to visit him in his sheltered accommodation at Worksop (she, I confess, much more frequently than me).

She tells me the tale about one of her visits.

They’d talked for an hour or more when she asked him out of the blue,

“Do you have any regrets about your life, dad; anything you’d do differently if you had your time again?”...

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