dripping lead pipes          lead to razor                       blade epiphanies            

and the time     machine is broken           and this fucking headache           behind my eyes will not

shift

and i have control of                      the stock market              but not my hair colour

and my lava lamp             tells no one who i am                     and my poetry bo...

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We are only alive for a cosmic second

 and each gluon and quark and photon

 and electron individually is like a nebulae

 if you look at it hard enough and each

 millimetre of our bodies contains

1000000000000000000

atoms and quantum theory tells us that

 the universe is made up of the reaction

 that takes place when a blanket of things

 that are everywhere and nowhere at...

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everything here is slate grey and forgotten

its raining ash

there is a statue of a man with long hair and lightning

it’s raining ash

i kick through people’s lives like autumn leaves

it’s raining ash

in secret windows candles burn black crow cries

it’s raining ash

there is fire in the sky and ice in your lies

it’s raining ash

the screaming stop...

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the longest journey

                                i ever took

a cinema in barnsley

you 15

me 16

an hour of tentative finger steps

each knuckle flexed a thousand miles

each pad exhausted

your soft breath

urging me onwards

like a faithful trainer

in hyde park

at 5am

until i had swum the channel

ran the mile

(as will smith saved ...

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Attention Beneficiary, 

my p*ssy is wet

 I am the only daughter of Hon Dr. Kipkalya Kones 

are u available?

 I am the only daughter of Hon Dr. Kipkalya Kones 

i'm looking for a quickie tonight...

   I'm not sure
i'm 29/f with a very tight pu$$y and a$$

   I'm not sure

Seven Million Two Hundred Thousand United State Dollars

Let me check

Wait, it's safe!

Almig...

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Heard you at the door

Waiting for a war

Why lie

Let you take the tour

Laying on the floor

Why try

Heard it all before

Wounds still rubbing raw

Why cry

Curse the fatal floor

Call the fucking law

Too shy

Burn that fucking whore

It’s her fault were poor

Why fly

Kicked along the floor

Now she screams no more

Why die.

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Your colostrum tears melted through the yews

(on the sirens breath evening breeze)

I picked my way through the orchard (sliding on the rotting downfall)

You were kneeling where the cats were buried, by the verdi-gris whisper of a pond

It shocked me to see my mother clawing at the mound, tears softening the dirt where

(Ralph – 14 y/o – natural causes) lay crumbled and forgo...

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The shit robin sees the worst of you

The seasonal drowning of long suppressed sorrows

The pound shop perfumes and wrapping paper plasters

The curled plastic needles of the good old Christmas tree

Unboxed and toxic, stood in the corner, emaciated

The shit robin sees the worst of you

The festive fights and discount blusher plastered on cheeks

(so as the bairns don’t get sca...

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Unfortunately, we will not be able to publish your work. You are an awful person and frankly, your poetry is shit. Thank you for your submission.

These were close but, in the end you are an arsehole so I decided not to take any this time.  Good luck with placing your work you sad little fuck.

At this time, we will not be able to publish your work. I encourage you to submit for a fu...

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“Fear no more the heat o’ the sun / Nor the furious winter’s rages.”

Clarissa:

How strange it all seems

While my storm rages onward

So another quells

Peter:

Oh to swim again

Alone among the Soft Rush

Longing to surface

Septimus:

A life now taken

Sweet relief floods the senses

The sheep and the shears

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one day i am sure

that i will read a line

in a book or from a

poem that will explain

beyond doubt what we

are and why we exist.

i think realistically

we are all just waiting to

find that line and when we

find it we will finally

close our eyes and sleep

sweet dreams for ever.

and even though

 no one has ever written

 that line the thought

 that...

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The sun rises over Raekoja Plats

Flooding the ancient square with pastel beams

As from all corners come a-shuffling

The flower ladies of Tallinn

Tourists glide past with steaming elk pies

And carved wooden trinkets

As the ladies who welcomed Hitler

(for he was a step up from Stalin)

Set up their creaking tables

The ladies lay out flowers and ornate berries

P...

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This morning went i woke

There was an elephant at the breakfast table

He wore guilt red lipstick smeared across his lips

His mascara ran charcoal tears down his coriaceous cheeks

His jaw painted with blue and yellow rage

He stank of semen and severance

Of one against none and all against everyone

He dressed like a little fucking girl

A disgrace to his family

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the single best

day of my life was when

i read a book about quantum

theory and it said that everything

that can happen will happen and that

there are infinite universes with infinite me’s

and infinite you’s and infinite colours and infinite

feelings and to me that was the greatest thing that ever

happened because if there is just one single universe in which

we are happy...

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t-shirt

trainers

treadmill

train

to

triumph

train

to

take

to

the

top

train

tough

talk

tough

training

tires

trainers

trainers

threadbare

try

trendy

trainers

trendy

trainers

tremendous

the

track

tests

training

torque

tested

traction

tested

thrust

tested

trying

to

take

the

three

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all the baking hot pennies you pressed to your legs

the raw puckered flesh

(and royal reflection)

a punishment for things you never did

can be counted and changed

spent on a rocket ship

to fly around the sun

because on Tuesday night

you hit him back

now the storm has passed

and the world looks like your daughters green eyes

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Carrions of clan and kin spin above

Slit wrists slick with gore not yet clotted

Throat torn open exposing crimson jewellery

A gathering the likes of which she never witnessed

Hallways full of dust and death swept clean by fair weather

Steaming piles of local news and pills not taken smother the carpets

Suicide luncheon served in her abandoned house while uncles light cigarettes

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I found by my bed

A dried out husk

Brittle and boneless

So I gave it my eyes

Slid out the milky corneas

So that it might see

Cut out my tongue

Thick and coiling like a serpent

To give it my words

I sliced through my ears

Like sweet Vincent

So that it might hear

My daughter’s true love

Shaved my head army clean

So one day it may feel

...

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Hello.

It is me.

I am writing to tell you

What not to do.

What not to think.

What to discard as anger.

What opportunities to take.

Which to avoid.

How to treat your wife.

And daughter.

How to mellow.

Relax.

Keep healthy.

Clean.

Well fed.

But not too well fed.

Not to drink.

Smoke.

Take drugs.

To appreciate what you have.

Let that be your d...

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You had turned up with a fresh bruise

A navy blue palimpsest on a glass jaw

Seaside tears trailed down from eyes

Half closed through fear and swelling

You had brought the Webley .22 rifle

Given to you by your maths teacher

And a pack of bullets stolen from him

Alongside a hip flask of Bristol Cream

As usual we barely spoke of dullness

Of substances and fracture...

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I had never been to a birthday party before

and really i had never seen how other people lived

so when we pulled up to this enormous house

and dara ran outside i just laughed and then

his mum took my coat and his dad gave me pop

then we played games and sang songs and later

on he showed me his present and it was a gecko

which is a type of lizard but i didn’t think anyone

wo...

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My breath paints opaque on the drab, teary window

As I watch the umber monster lunk and lumber down the lane

All flash bang glamour and neon safety signs

Leaving behind macerated kerbs of sod and shimmering puddles

Scuttling behind are three ludicrous, papaya tinged workers

Swearing and sighing and singing rude songs

One guides a hose from the beast to the gaping, ...

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                    I shout

                           I scream

                 But still

                        The bombs

                 Fall

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I’m hyper-aroused in Aldi

There’s a mammoth down the meat aisle

I’m frozen, fawning, fleeing through fear

As a sabre-tooth tiger lopes past the beer

I’m sweating and smothered by a lack of my box

A spear flies past me and lands in the socks

My adrenal medulla is full of dismay

As a brontosaurus destroys the Christmas display

There’s a cascade of catechol...

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Halfway                up a pale cliff face in Dover

Caught                  on a skeletal wisp of scurvy grass a

Silver                plate necklace spelling out M U M glows

Luminous            in the leering moonlight a

Shadow             remains of this beautiful life

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The world

Smells

Beautiful

Just after

A storm

And

The best

Thing you

Ever did

Was

HitHimBack

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The radiator clicks its cast iron ribs

Quiet ruin strangles the evening

Plastic chandelier filaments flicker

The omelette sits untouched

Smoke alarm screams blue murder

We are dying on stage in a packed house

Champagne stains the anniversary flutes

The side salad wilts

Smokeless smiles haunt our faces

Small talk can’t escape our lips

Gossamer threads hold us...

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I stand at the window

Hoping the next bolt

Will be the one

That strikes our house

Shorts our circuits

Burns us to the ground

While you sit in your chair

Knitting a mauve scarf

Coming apart at the seams

The storm lifts

The cloud lingers

I ask you what’s for dinner

Its omelette.

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I am late as usual

I exit the green room as the music fades

I walk on stage to pin drop silence

Tough crowd

I take a sip of wine and raise my arms

‘So you came to see a show?’

Silence

‘Well, here is your show’

I cross the stage to the turntable I had set up earlier

I lift the arm and drop the stylus onto the record

The static hisses and cracks and then Big O picks up

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At

Best

Came

Death

Eternity

From

Gods

Hands

I

Just

Know

Life

Most

Now

Operate

Poorly

Quiet

Ruin

Strangles

Triumph

Ultimately

Vapid

Women

Kiss

Your

Zen

Zombies

Yearning

Cross

Ways

Vultures

Umbrella

The

Sky

Rile

Quickly,

Press

Onwards

Nothing

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the pathway to the red front door of number twenty two

     was bordered by two immaculate waist high hedges

parallel laurels clipped and choked by a mothers pride

     a post downfall nirvana for slugs and snails of all kinds

fat umber leopards mingled with aspersa and  pomatia

     leaving the route to the house a pyrrhic battleground

the cost of a war between gi...

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On my second week of university

Just eight days into sweet freedom

I developed what can only be described

As a raging case of haemorrhoids.

For shame, For shame

A heady mix of donner meat, Lager

And copious other poor lifestyle choices

Had led my rectum

To stand down

And my innards had

To misquote Jim Morrison

Broke on through to the other side.

I left...

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The Beverley Westwood UFO Adventure Club

Met Friday night by the cattle grid

Wrapped in thermals and charity shop raincoats

Hip flasks full of whatever we could steal from our parents

We’d shiver and tremble as our breath exploded before us

Cold nights full of hope and high tales

Lying on our backs (avoiding the freshly lain pats)

Staring up at the milky Jackson Pollock stars

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There are tiny burnt hands

Bursting through my inner walls

Bringing mercury

Where once my blood flowed through me

Gasping for air I thrash awake

Unsettled I rise

Finding not my wife’s safe frame

A space next to me

Where once my world did slumber

Now emptied with cold menace

Noises struck me cold

Laughter and crying as one

The piercing ash scream

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The stain in my brain

Hitches along my brainstem

Sits in the back seat

Sweating and swearing

His tin foil hat shining

Like a beacon in the dark

The stain in my brain

Uses my neo-cortex

As a thermal blanket

To shy away from the mercury

Sliding through my gyri

The stain in my brain

Busks in my medial temporal lobe

But can’t remember

Any good tunes

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the shining white box i draw around my synapses is crumbling

away with the drip

      drip

                drip-feed of senseless misery and i long

for the surface of the moon and the ebb and flow of cosmic flotsam

but instead we are stuck still like a cliff of burning light ero-

ded by piss and sweat

and praise the lord and allahu akbar

and mantras and chants

and the se...

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The perfect steak is medium rare

Barbaric and sexual, moist and forgiving

Its caramelised skin and soft pink interior

Its salty crunch and earthy, primal bite

The flesh melting in the mouth

The juices gliding down the throat softly

Washed down with a good red wine

And a sauce made from blood and butter

When I come to trial

And they put me in the chair

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i lie in a field and speak to god/godot about the

click clack asphyxiation cut throat cash flow

scarlet shame when each day dark side death

shadows and suicide note sunbeams wish wash

over my face paint hope and hatred i fly i lie i

cry hoarse please get me off this shit shot fucked

up ball of spinning hatred and insanity fuelled by

turpentine dreams and fat cat green chasing ...

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there are times when i can taste my heartbeat

i can feel my blood slipping through my ecstatic veins as it

rushes from my brain to my bones to the

beautiful stars

and it is cold out tonight but i feel like the eyes

of god are

burning burning

a hole into my thoughts and desires and

he sees what it is that my soul thirsts for

and it is to walk backwards into the sweet

...

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well i woke up this morning

and i turned on the news

its november the fourteenth

i got those human blues

think i’ll write me a poem

thats what i’m expected to do

sympathise with the families

tell them i feel it too

i got the human blues yeah

lord knows i got those

human blues

my daddy blames the niggers

my mummy blames the jews

i think i’ll bla...

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1.

tight lipped

 rose red

 clip wings

 force fed

caged bird

dull blade

piss stain

lets pray

2.

my swiss army wife

my servant my life

my oyster my pearl

my hostage my world

3.

(such tumescent beauty

such persistent frailty)

a white whisper of a woman

4.

-cut and burn leave and learn-

just get this fucking thing out of...

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i remember fondly

the piquant taste of scotch

the spirit of my yesteryear

now haunting my dreams

rich to the tongue

poor to the throat

saviour of our marriage

destroyer of our love

the bottles beating heart

like a metronomic diary

of my downfall

but see how i rise

from ashes and anonymity

to stake my claim

as husband, father

a smokeless p...

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1.

its nine thirty and i am at school and

we are outside on a warm day and

its the first time i appreciate the

shorts they make us wear because

 my legs are warm and my arms are

warm and guy taylor and me are

walking past the playground area

towards the beautiful woods that

we are warned about at the start

 of each term but we can’t resist

 because the trees look l...

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i remember the first time i saw your heart break

how you held the tiny bird in your demure hands

all feather and splinters and shattered dreams

and the look in your eyes that asked me why we

had spent all night prizing recalcitrant snails out

of their sealed isolation and poking the terrified

remains into its eager beak while it was wrapped

in a towel of purest white and how i...

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“All our best men are laughed at in this nightmare land.” - Jack Kerouac

so many people living

their lives under such

burning white stars

with such wonder and

passion for unity and

need and will to give

and kiss and love for

all these people who

said yes to life and yes

to each other who did

nothing in fear and did

nothing with regret or

hate but instead...

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in my dream i am back at les bulot

cautiously probing the fish soup

afraid of trawling its depths and

finding myself hopelessly out of

my comfort zone wishing i had

opted for the sirloin steak

which you were now pushing

around your plate with the silver

cutlery making blood and cream and

the  lissom pomme-frite mingle

sensually on the bone chine plate

and now you a...

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tracking through the frozen

      murmurous pine

iced needles cracking beneath my feet

my mind fits and shifts its fix

towards the burning carcass ahead

the glittering monument to christ the redeemer

flames licking and sucking at its skeletal frame

the heightened lust of ownership

     coursing through my withered veins

we drag the screaming fanatics behind

...

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when life gets you down

your wife makes you frown

and the rain just keeps on getting wetter

just remember were a notion

spat out by an explosion

and soon you will feel so much better

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The day that you left me

Things began to turn

The wallpaper bled butterflies

The taps all spat out treacle

Water turned to blood

The fridge door hung limp

Jagged fangs bursting from inside

Thirsty for my sweat

The cooker turned atomic

All flayed souls and napalm shadows

Hate filled nocturnes and placental arias

Spiders crawled from under th...

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Go back to sleep honey

No need for those tears

Daddy will make certain

To cast away your fears

You see

There’s no such thing as monsters

No ghosts to terrorise

So lie back down and try to sleep

Just close those pretty eyes

You see

If we can chop up mummy

And hide her in the shed

I’m sure that we can deal

With the thing under the bed

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The kitchen filled with heady perfume

Sweet cumin and star anise

Aromatic fennel and mace

                Black gold brought back on steamers

                Opulent saffron – sensual gossamer strands

                Sumptuous vanilla – pod lithe and supple speaking of seed and semen

The crackle and snarl of the spice trade

Hits the fiery smoke of the dry copper pan

Produci...

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Those gentle evenings

Where cherry blossoms fall

And gather in the curve of your back

Where candlelight and bergamot

Breathe softly in my ear

Where lullabies slip

From your sighing smile

And clouds sweep ebullient

Like candy floss dreams

Across your silent stare

Those late nights

When you are sleeping

And my thoughts are left

To dwell inside once more

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The dunes of time have shifted

Weightless memorandum

Reshaping lands and dreamscapes

The ticking of the clocks

Willows have shot through ether

Tears like falling bombs

Limbs quickening pressed to flesh

amantes sunt amentes

Stars have sighed their final

A panacea for kings

Ebony and ivory

Now slate grey slabs forgotten

And through it all

You sto...

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Legs splayed aboard a clipper

You taught me knots and tender things

Of soft shackled edwards

Of stevedore and pile

How to kiss and pine

And long for the dark

Among the cardamom and spices

The fog of discovery

The thick scent of new lands

The nidorous smell of life at sea

The fragrance of your cunt

We spoke of rum and exploration

Of choco...

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We talked about your last goodbye

Not last like final

But the last time you said it

Chronologically

You said it had felt sensual

Knowing you would be away for a week

Knowing the light would shine somewhere else

For those blessed seven days

I told you what had happened

One day in

When my typewriter grew fangs

And the microwave meals you had left

Lined up in ...

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Since my brother and I

Sit stitching wings

Onto butterflies

cross stitch

knit one

pearl one

Release from the jar

We speak not

Of family matters

Of trivial demeanours

Like our mother

Lying in effluence

While my father

Unravels like a spool of thread

We speak not

Of the debt

The dogma

The destruction of

Our beautiful wives

Since my broth...

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Beset with pockets and

Guidebooks yellowed

With patience

And steel

We pounce upon

The viscera streaked

Landscape

Echoes and ephemera

Within grasp

Hovering inches above

The graveyard of thousands

Thick sod and thicker rain

Harassing the beams

The flow of blood

Downhill

Eternal

Scratching at soil

With thick set fingers

Digging the holes

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we’d talk about foxgloves

and pink sunsets

how the mayans ate chocolate

with a hint of chlli

sweet and glossy

in ceramic cups carved with gods and men

we’d drag ourselves through fields of brambles

and nettles

to get to the spaces we knew

havens amidst minefields

our legs streaked crimson on white

our sport socks clotted with blood and sweat and...

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OH IMPERIOUS MAMMON

Assyria

Babylonia

Stitches defiled by immortal greed

DEFILE ME STILL

Lay your jade upon me

Lay your hands upon me

OH IMPERIOUS MAMMON

I LAY DOWN

AT YOUR FEET

Slide inside my throat

Play inside my mind

MAMMON
DESTROYER OF ALL THINGS
DESTROY ME

Cancer switch shifting within

Picking at stitches

Picking at stitch...

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Placental imbroglio drips off the chins of lepers

Innocence stained rouge with the sick swell of sweat

They pick and pick

Pick the stitches of cancerous limbs awash with foetal decay

Crouched in ineffable agonies tormented by crow shit musk

Lithe succubae smother bent and broken spasmodic muscle

Propinquity towards death shelters virgin chest panic

Panic Panic

Drum beat shi...

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i wish i was

dressed in a

suit of light

so i could

show you all

how dark it

really is

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...Hard wired

Hard fuck

Tough luck

Shining...

...Neon light

Neon beams

Semen cleans

Broken dreams...

...White noise

White boys

Piss flaps

Night caps...

...Golden shower

Final hour

Needle

Flight

Blindness

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i am a small pink cube

moving slowly amongst

green and blue triangles

CUT ME

OPEN AND COUNT MY

RINGS

i am a

collection of neuroses

count them with me

one two three

to be heard

is to

embolden

and sometimes

CAPITALISE

unless

you have

been heard

already

(i find your teeth

at the bottom of

each bottle)

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the trees are now gold

everything is still as shit, 

as it was before.

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don't you ever say

i can't live a lie,

we clawed,

at           

the ground

i just closed my eyes and swung

hit so hard using force

i never meant to crash so hard like a wreck

i never meant to crash so hard like a wreck

all i wanted was to kiss so hard to love and kiss

love and kiss love and kiss

love and kiss so hard

and now, we're ashe...

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i have the

same dreams now

as I did

when I was ten

to be free

to be happy

to own a rocket ship

so that I could blast off

away from everything

and be free

and happy.

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take drugs and

fuck girls because nothing

is waiting but worms and

trees and the

deepest blue sky

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at that age I was summoned

abruptly

it touched me

violent ...

i was without

words

i was without

winter fires

it touched me

and

poetry arrived.

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Hello.

I have just written a blog on Poetry and Mental Health for the literary magazine Under the Fable. 

I'd love for it to get more than the usual 14 views, they are a small magazine and could use some exposure. 

More over, I'm quite proud of the piece and would like to know what others think.

It can be found here.

medium.com is awful for formatting but the words should speak for ...

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Earlier...

We had walked                 We     walked

Hand in hand

Through snow                   Through

To the patisserie

Where we bought

Oven warm bread                           warm

And salted butter

And paid in change

We waited

A little too long                 little

In the doorway                        doorway

Staring out at the cold  ...

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so much

rain

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Dinner times were brutal

The small talk barbaric

We dined on each other’s failures

The whole family as one

Seething and silent

He would get home from work

And sink his fangs

Into whoever looked tender

(we tried to look tough)

His blood boiling

The kettle whistling

The rend and rift

I stayed silent

Played dumb

Took my medicine

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Bruise the night

Burn the flesh

Unused skin lay down

Amidst the thistle

Legs spread wide

Miles away from town

Led from heaven

Into dusk

Though the glance was fleeting

Eyes roll back

Lips apart

Chance the fateful meeting

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For the Lord

Yields

Wicked delight

Blessed is the one

like chaff

that the wind blows away

like a tree

          whose leaf does

 wither— wither— wither— wither— wither— wither—

Therefore

the wicked

sinners take righteous

delight 

in the law of the Lord,

and

and

whatever they do prospers.

Not so the

fruit in season

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Britain First is committed

We abhor culture

We abhor Islam

We oppose the revitalisation

of our farming and              fishing sectors

Britain First is committed                         to a tidal wave of crime

Britain First will halt all further British wildlife

British wildlife will be severely punished

British wildlife will be severely punished

British wild...

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Oh, very sad

We cut and ran

Looking fit           Losing wings

Looking fit           Losing wings

Nothing like slender girls

Fast food returned

Slender girls

Funny girl with wig

Funny girls

Returned

Sad

We cut

And ran

Basic stripping Caught in the act (Like Macbeth) Caught in the act

Model turning on model               half unbuttoned In the act

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What will happen if we find an end to our universe?

are you ready to please me? i will make you my s3xslave!
 

It's Foxy Time!

It's Foxy Time!

It's Foxy Time!

It's Foxy Time!

What will happen if we find an end to our universe?

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What will happen if we find an end to our unive...

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I was walking

Behind a girl

She was accosted

By a tramp

Who asked her

For some change

The girl stopped

And said to the tramp

To wait there

While she went into the shop

I stood back

Sensing a poem

Unfolding

Like a flower in the rain

The girl emerged

With a pack of biscuits

And a coffee

And gave them to the tramp

Who promptly threw them

On the...

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‘How does he do it?’

‘Do what?’

‘Stay so god damn thin’

‘Maybe he works out’

‘No way. He’s scrawny

I don’t know where he puts it’

The thin man paid in cash

The thin man

His green car

Reggae on the radio

Is this love

Is this love

Is this love

Is this love

That I’m feeling?

He returns from the shop

The thin man

Carrying a bag

...

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To the elderly lady

Who stood in the middle of the road

Waving at each car

That passed her by

Hoping to be noticed

In her NHS gown

I am so sorry

Nobody stopped

And waved

Or maybe

Wondered

Why?

At 3pm

On a Thursday afternoon

A lady closer to one hundred

Than most

Was all alone

Waving frantically

On a busy main road

I am so sorry

That no on...

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Like rotting fruit

I found her

Hanging from the tree

The note she left us

Simply read

‘This life is not for me’

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Those days of bruised skies

And sweet frailties

When I proclaimed to the world

I would never become you

Seem so long ago

And now my wife

Lies alone

Crying

And I look down

And see your hands.

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Wet concrete

I spit out my tooth

Tea stained enamel

Silver filling

Blood follows

I can hear the siren

Its drawing closer

The blood mingles with the rain

The tooth is washed downstream

The ambulance is here

Its midnight

My chariot beckons

I blink

No one sees

He comes to my bedside

And tells me all things must die

I stare through him

At th...

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How did we get here?

From babe: pig in the city,

To this eton mess.

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Alarm goes off

6.54

Sit bolt upright

Swing legs out of bed

Left foot down

Tap

                Tap        

Tap

                Tap

Tap

                Tap

Foot in slipper

Right foot down

Tap

                Tap        

Tap

                Tap

Tap

                Tap

Foot in slipper

I will fucking murder you

Walk across room

Light swi...

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The thing I remember the most

About the Baltic winter

Was the old ladies

They would stand in the square

From incipient morning

To hate filled night

Their tables stuffed with wildflowers

Plucked from their gardens

A panacea

The redolent air

Heavy with nature

The ladies woollen coats and scarves

They were there whenever we passed

Selling the...

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Dazzling watercolour set

Abandoned through

 disillusionment

Pours gently and quietly

Into festering open sewer

Painter trampled underfoot

By monochrome clamour

Hurtling towards

Nine fifteen to Euston

Rotting leaves

Fall like verdigris tears

As linoleum factory

Shits out endless filth

To enable people

To walk more comfortably

On kitchen floor

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The bonsai tree

You bought me

For my eleventh birthday

In its little round bowl

Blue crackled glaze

Sixteen years old

A microcosm of beauty

Placed into my naive hands

Along with a booklet

A pair of scissors

And a hopeful smile

Lasted three weeks

Before my childhood neglect

Caused it to wilt

And perish

The cracked soil

And parched leaves

Silently s...

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Ben Underwood

Lost his eyes

To cancer

When he was three

I often struggle

To choose

Between breakfast cereals

Such as frosted flakes

Or coco pops

Using his tongue

Ben Underwood

Learnt echolocation

And ‘saw’ with his mouth

This allowed him

To live

I left the hob on

Again

Ben Underwood

Had glass eyes

And an iron will

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Dawn is the best time for roses

When the flower weeps

With new beginnings

When you can sit and watch

The petals unfurl

Turning from tightly packed bud

To proud explosions of colour

When my roses bloom

I feel like taking every single person I see

And screaming

‘this is why we are here

this is beauty

why can’t you see?’

The vase on my coffee table

...

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Tonight was full of pale questions

Sparkler trails

An acoustic strum

We lay on the bonnet of your car

Like they did in the eighties

And spoke to God

The heat of the engine

The chill of the night

The warmth of the memories

You had left the tape deck playing

The Kronos Quartet were on fine form

Endless symphonic epiphanies

You looked like a God...

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sometimes

these blank pages

cut me like a knife

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For me Christmas as a kid meant one thing

Not presents or family or debt or suicide or Woolworths

Not arguments and alcohol and the Simpsons and chicken and stuffing

Not puddings and crackers and cheese and crackers and resentment

Not bottled up tension or bottles of gin or cards and stickers

Christmas for me was my Gran’s Bronchial cough

Every year we would travel south to see h...

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If a man can saw a shark in half

And a woman can shit in a bed

Then surely I can get away

With this.

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We both smoked two bowls of salvia

And sat in our tent

Next to a crumbling abbey

And a pack of feral scousers

Shivering

Expectant

A minute

Ten minutes

Twenty minutes

Nothing happening here

Move along

Except

You are now made of jigsaw pieces and fire

And my thoughts are coming out one letter at a time

Wheeling off an alphabetic merry-go-round

Landing at ...

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Sometimes I stare

At the enamelled absinthe poster

We bought from a thrift store in Montmartre

An overpriced attempt

To become more cultured

I look at the lady

In her green dress

And her green hat

Pouring green liquor

Into Emíle Cohl’s cup

And I remember

The night before we bought it

We sat up all night

In the cemetery where Dumas was buried

(I had to tell...

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My wife wheezes vague accordion notes in bed next to me

A bolster cushion clamped between her pregnant thighs

To raise her swollen belly

A black cat purrs affectionately beside my ear

The rumble of content occasionally broken

As she rearranges her frame

In the room next door my daughter clutches an overpriced teddy

Sailing away on a sea of childhood dreams

One leg...

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the business men of Kolkata

drive orange Lamborghinis

as children spit out their teeth

and choke

on the fumes

the business men of Kolkata

design and approve

high rise towers

luxury apartments

with marble

and gold

as the children lay blankets

atop shit and piss

to sleep

the business men of kolkatta

tell their wives and mothers

they hope to inspire

...

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Media exposure

Should not equate

To sympathy.

Do not be told

Who to love

And who

To ignore

Again.

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I used to work in a car body shop

In Holloway

We specialised in top of the range cars

Alfas

Audis

Porsche

Now anyone who knows Holloway

Will automatically know

That if you drive a nice car

In Holloway

You are a drug dealer

Or you are lost

The place I worked

Was directly opposite

The women’s prison

And the saddest thing

Was the ladies who were let out

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Do you really think Bob Dylan felt this way?

Or Bukowski?

Or Kerouac?

Or Plath?

Do you think each tiny little discrepancy?

Pressed down on them

Like succubae

Each late library book

Push

Each overdue bill

Push

Each rejected poem

Push

Each time Allen Ginsberg let the cat out

Do you think he hung at the door?

For five minutes afterwards

In case they ch...

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It must be Wednesday

She is wearing the red dress again

The way it hangs from her

Like silk draped on a medical skeleton

its cold outside

we writhe together

like serpents

the fire blazing

inside and out

iggy sings fun house

we are sky high

our lips touch

the sky is golden

She has taken all her posters down

Implanted memories ripped from the wal...

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My beautiful Grandson

Yeh.

I am dying

And like, wat?

Treasure these days

Wat mate?

These days of mammalian hills

These days of beauty and wonder

Yeh?

Treasure them. Never let them go.

Rite.

Before the shapeless weight of time

Presses upon your chest

You wat?

Before the sultry whispers of eternity

Kiss your soul with kindness

Mate. I don’t know wat yo...

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As a boy

I used to play with ants

Not the usual

Magnifying glass cruelty

Although I see now

How cruel I was

Misguided

I would take the ants

Carefully

In my fingers

The tiny bronzed Adonis

Submitted to my will

In my garden

We had a flaccid cheap washing line

The green plastic kind

Befitting of poverty

I would take the ant

Place it on...

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My friend is an agoraphobic

Who hates his wife

His porch

Is immaculate

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Only humans

Could ruin poetry

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An infinitesimal space

Between the fleshy ringed pads

Of my forefingers

And the cool plastic conformity

Of the keyboard

Between the secret of life

And the hopelessness

Of reality

Twenty six keys

Endless arrangements

Containing the meaning

Of everything.

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This life dictates

We stumble past kings

To consume the flesh of visions

We let our blood

For a glimpse of jade

Eternal ferment

Teeth chatter from the walls

Viscera pour from the ceiling

Outside spring bursts forth

Parturient symphonies

I wake up an angel

I wake up a demon

Kirigami arms

Blistered smile

The factory be...

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Mad fat Michelle

That’s what we called her

Behind her back

To her face

We didn’t care

What could she do to us?

We were kids

No one could touch us

Let alone

Mad fat Michelle

They crawl through the walls

That’s what she said

Through the empty power sockets

If you left the switch on

You’d see her shuffle round the science lab

Frantically flicking the ...

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It started at one a day

An annoyance

Gold and black

Pointless aggression

One a day is painless

But as we slipped further

And further

Into the depths of frustrated idleness

They began pouring in

Five a day

Five an hour

Dozens an hour

Still we sat

Talking

Watching television

A wad of kitchen paper on the coffee table

Ready to pounce

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When I get home

From town

I like to put on some classical music

Vinyl, of course

Make myself a herbal tea

Snack on some seeds

Whilst completing a cryptic crossword

The Times, of course

I like to lie back

With a challenging

Yet inspirational

Piece of literature

Russian, of course

And as I drift off to sleep

In my Egyptian cotton pyjamas

I like to pretend

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Surrounded by people

Smiling and laughing

How I am lost

In this wonderful world

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There is true beauty in this world

True genius

There are people who make music

That soothes the soul

People who paint pictures

That release the dreams

Held inside

Like trapped insects

Waiting to escape the jar

There are great thinkers

Philosophers

Cursed by their genius

Doomed to ask why

Not just lie down

Drinking from the tap

Running on ...

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All published in  various journals. Just dug them up.

For man is sculpted,
Rent and ripped by time and space,
And returns to dust.

We entered with naught,
Leafless and blinded by light,
The snake eats itself.

Eternal ferment,
Parturient symphonies,
Play out in real time.

Gossamer eyelids,
Fixed shut through my vain rapture,
See what I have done.

Stars efflorescent,
Cre...

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Each night

When I sit down

At this desk

I slit my wrists

I cut my throat

I rip myself apart

First letters drip

Then words pour

Until I am left drained of life

Excreted onto a page

For all to see

Slices of life

A smorgasbord

Of hostility

Repressed fears

Depression

Words

Letters

Meaning.

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What purer than a mayfly,

What more divine and true,

Than seeing just one sunrise,

Then facing Waterloo.

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      The realisation

That you have nothing

                          Worthwhile

To say to anyone

                                     Is only slightly more disheartening

Than the realisation

That you have plenty to say

And no one will listen

To a word of it

Perhaps if I

                                                Move the w...

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Use other peoples

Weeping faces

As rungs on the ladder

To success.

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Brenda

Brenda lives on a to-do list

An annoyance

An albatross

Her son bought her a CD player

And a Dean Martin album

Something for you to reminisce over mum

That’s what he said

Remember the good times

Before your brain started rotting

Your bones started grinding

Your breath started catching

Air fresheners fight against the smell of piss and r...

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Dinner times were brutal

The small talk barbaric

We dined from each other

The whole family

Seething

Father would get home from work

And stick his fork

Straight into Mother

His blood boiling

The kettle whistling

I stayed silent

Each of us dreaming

Of ways to die

Dessert was a dish

Always served cold

No time for coffee

Jus...

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As the standard of technology increases

The standard of humanity falls

I’m not sure there is an app for that.

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I can barely meet the glances

Of my hospital corridor friends

Momentarily consoling each other

With eyes that say

‘You are here too

I understand’

But while they are here

To see their loved ones die

Or to console their friends

After an accident

I am merely lost

On the way

To the ultrasound unit

To see my new baby

For the very first time.

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Feel connected

By staring

At rectangle.

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Broken S.A.D light

Put to use

Feel OK

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Discount blusher

Only covers

Half the bruises

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We walked with hinged smiles

Through man-made wreckage

The clawing and pawing

The desperate howls

Explosions of remorse

Whenever they grew close

We would blend as one

Human parentheses

Afraid of their touch

Ashamed of their needs

We passed through this detritus

This Verdi-Gris whisper of humanity

Until we reached sanctuary

Free of mind and memory

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Arlo #1

The black kitten

We rescued

Is sat on the bed

He is chasing his tail

Aimlessly

When he does catch it

It shocks him so much

He instantly lets it go again

And so the cycle continues

Arlo #2

Arlo

Is only four weeks old

And already

He has learnt

To shit where we tell him

To eat when we tell him

To play when we tell him

I...

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Let the weeds grow through our bodies

Let the roots grow through our bones

Let our sinews splinter

Our heart and lungs drown

In the desperate race for the sun

Let our sins bear fruit

Ripe and majestic

Let our hands and feet stretch

Far beyond the stars

Aching for light

Let our blood turn white

Let our screams fall silent as whisper

Let our tears drop like blosso...

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Most people check they have

Everything

Before they leave the house

     -keysphonebag-

I have to have my notebook

No notebook

No notes

No notes

No inspiration

No inspiration

No poem

No poem

No release

No cathartic self indulgence

No rhythmic therapy

People pay shrinks thousands of pounds

My notebook cost fifty pence

Who’s crazy now

When people ...

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To the BBC News,

When I look outside my window

I do not see famine

I do not see rapists and murderers

I do not see pit-bulls mauling children

I do not see poverty

Or Aids

I do not see the failings of the health system

Or a cocaine snorting politician

I do not see people growing old

And dying

I do not see gangs of feral youths

Stabbing immigrants

For iPhones

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Brenda moves with glacial elegance

Her dress floats and folds

Her partner has never looked better

The way they move together

Almost like making love

He leads her across the ballroom

Their feet skating as one

Their fingers entwined

As Glenn Miller serenades them

The moonlight shines through

Painting their faces

A spotlight on their smiles

First I held him li...

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To the person who beat me

Abused me

Took my lunch money

Stuck gum in my hair

Called me fat

Called me poor

Called me shitface

To the person who had all the friends

All the girls

All the money

To the person who made my life a misery

Who instilled the belief I was nothing

Who made me dread week days

And who haunted my weekends

To the person who...

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I remember a time

When my breath would burst forth from my lungs

Eager to greet the day

When the music was all that mattered

When I would dance until my legs could take no more

When people would seek me out

Eager to see me

To speak to me

To ask my advice

I remember a time when

My body

And my mind

And the world

Were synchronised

I got it

It got me

We ...

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He lies on his semen stained mattress

Sickly womb light stumbles through his curtains

Casting pallid symphonies on his gaunt facade

In his mind

He sees a falcon

Drawing a muddy streak through the azure sky

He longs to be like that falcon

To be truly free

Not chained to his murderer

His silent assassin

The falcon descends

Its prey in si...

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That woman could hang up her laundry each morning

With her suburban facelift

With her self-preservation

As if she was pasting up the sails of her clipper

As if the wind would blow through the sheets

Taking every drop of blood and regret with it

But I knew

I knew what went on in that      

-House-

That she called a home

I listened through the walls

I heard the howls...

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We were sat on the U-Bahn in Berlin

My soon to be wife and I

After a long day shopping and sightseeing

A tramp boarded at Gleisdreieck

He stank of his own shit

Wretched and base

Freshly lain

He shuffled up the middle of the train

As people leered and ogled his plight

This once proud human

That bleeds the same colour as all of us

Reduced to a foul shit stink

My w...

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‘the problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence’ – Charles Bukowski

1.

The bastards and brawlers

Scorned and subdued

Pissing up the factory walls

As others walk through

The bastards and brawlers

Vilified and humiliated

Staring on

As they burn the books

The bastards and brawlers

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The memory of our first kiss

Swims to the surface of my soul

Whenever I need it to release its heady balm

And remind me of why we fight

Your exquisite skin

Like china

I brushed with my knuckles

Checking the voltage still remained

The sparks flew

As they always had

The rain beat down upon us

But we were dry

The people stared

But we were alone

Your soft, col...

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He came to my bedside

And told me all things must die

I stared through him

At the teeth chattering on the walls

At the decaying bouquets

At the bodies piled up

In the corner of the room

I took his hand

And he smiled

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Later on we walked down to the jazz bar

Where Charles Mingus and Duke Ellington

Threw out wah-wah dreams

The trumpets whispered mysteries

Martini false dawns

Hi-hats leading us through the looking glass

We danced until death

Folding into each other like a deck of cards

Until we could take it no more

And as the saxophone reached its violent crescendo

And the jazz man c...

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Stood at the apex of the hill

All laughter, fun and sun sun sun

Adolescent astigmatism hiding the dangers below

We cast off like two clippers

Sailing to freedom

Flying down the steep incline

The grass tickling our soles

Naked as the day we were born

And twice as innocent

We floated onwards

It was the one time in my childhood

My inferior age stood me in go...

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Friday 31st January

That was the day I gave up drinking

The last time I would wake up on the sofa

Drenched in piss and regret

My wife sobbing in bed

Alone and tired

The last time I would poke chunks of my own vomit

Through holes in the sink

Because I couldn’t reach the toilet

The last time I would scream blind at my daughter

For daring to ask me a question

For dari...

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I crawled through the viscera of my early twenties

Caught between the metronomic thud

Of self harm

And elation

Huddled together

Like cattle in a storm

The lights

The bass

The molecular  

re            arr          a             ng           e            me         nt

Of every part of me

Heartbeat

After heartbeat

Drowning together

In an ocean of serotonin

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I am being eaten alive

By the earth

The fire

And you

With terrifying speed

And abject reason

You have grown through me

Choked

Chided

Creeping

Creaking

My noble intentions

Throttled

Left to burn

As I breathe my last

I can do no more

Virginia

I never loved you

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I open as Sylvia Plath

Awake, Askew

Cock my eye

Morning Dew

By breakfast I am Ginsberg

My cereal howls

Sex and Jazz

Trashcans rust and curl

I leave the house as Wordsworth

And wonder lonely through a crowd

Arrive at the track as Bukowski

Gamble on the lunchtime horses

Smoking a cigarette

While outside

A sparrow sings

As the day wears on

I am Cummings

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Sometimes I stand there

In front of the mirror

And my stomach grows

My thighs fatten

My chins double

As I stare at myself

I can feel the food inside me

Bloating and distending me

From inside out

I rush to clothe myself

In case they no longer fit by the time I am finished

In case my fingers become too fat

And sausage like

To do up my buttons

I feel sick at ...

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I was meeting her at the end of the road

The sun blasted through the Rorschach leaves of the maple trees

Bursting through in spots and splatters

Throwing a Jackson Pollock on the walls of the factory

The scream and wheeze of people felt as alien as ever

Everyone looking down

At the screens of self imposed loneliness

They held in their hands

Suddenly from the monochrome hord...

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Athena sits

Her once gleaming eyes

Now milk dull with fear and hatred

A once great titan brought to her knees, exhausted

Sensing defeat, she allows memories to overcome her

As the biting ropes cut into her legs and arms

Binding her forever more

To those she fought

To overcome

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Today I took my daughter to the beach

Where water meets dirt

As a great man once said

Where roses bloom too early

Dew droplets

Drip

Seductively

From the petals of youth

Where lost souls

Dreamers

And the dreams they dream

All go to die

To be snuffed out

Where the grains of time

Meet the ravages of age

Where the brine picks out a heartbeat

Tick Tock

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I have always collected paintings

Always on the lookout for another piece

Something to go there

Next to the door

I have pictures of women

Their backs turned

Japanese ink drawings

Of cranes

I have splashes of colour

That mean something different

Each time I see them

I have scenes of desolation

And of hope

I have idyllic cottages

Crumbled apartment blocks

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In my attic

I found a collection of old home videos

From the previous tenant

An elderly couple that I cannot name

Most of them were beyond repair

But a few still worked

Sucked in enthusiastically by my VHS player

Grainy footage of a young couple dancing

(Cheek to Cheek)

Alive again in my mind

As Fred sings

And the couple move

Sedately

Like swans courting

A...

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He returns from the shop

The thin man

Carrying a bag

Full of food

The thin plastic handle of the bag

Cuts his fingers

Leaving red marks

That fade

His wife sits

In the bed she has spent most of her life in

Bloated

Obscene

Spilling out of her purposely undersized clothes

Covered in sores and weeping flesh

Weeping eyes

He passes her a carton of cream

‘D...

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I

Remember a time

That I use to hate the rain

As it meant I couldn’t go out and

Play

Now I pray for rain

Because when it rains

I don’t have to water the garden

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Where I live

When the fog comes

The fog comes hard

Rolling in like an endless army

Clogging the sky

Blocking out the sun

Playing its silver symphonies

Across the hills

Trapping you inside

With all your fears

With all your doubts

Lost to the world

An imposed oblivion

Weightless and

Timeless

Until the fog clears

The sun shines

I am reconnected

To...

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We are all

Just looking

For a way out

The drinkers

Poisoning themselves

Every night

The drug takers

Shooting poppy seed sublimity

The god fearers

Hoping for an exit strategy

To pull out without bloodshed

The weekend hippies

Rolling and laughing

In mud and shit and Buddha

Desperate to dilute the banality of existing

As a doctor

Lawyer

Teacher

Ni...

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When I was younger

Not so very long ago

The best thing I owned was a radio and

A pair of headphones

The ability to block out noise was crucial to my survival

I used to tune the station just out

So that there was always white noise

Static safety

Blocking out the screams

The smashing of plates

The threats

The actions

Classical music was my choice

As the songs w...

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To me

Humanity and Teflon

Have always been analogous

The more money you throw at it

The longer it lasts

But all it takes is one abrasive incident

One idiot with a metal spoon

And from then on

Each and every little thing

Chips away at it

Like a cancer

Or a fork

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When I was 20 I went insane

Not faecal smearing insane

Or Hit me Mac insane

But that quiet

Creeping

Insane

The kind that eats away at the brains

Of everyday people

I was working in London at the time

Need I say more?

And it just hit me

(Mac)

I couldn’t move

I couldn’t breathe

I was gone

The city and the job had chewed me up

And vomited me out

Like...

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My first real friend was Godfrey

And for the first few weeks of our friendship

I always thought

Who calls their kid Godfrey?

Then I met his Mum

And I thought

He got away lightly

Together we shared our first experience of alcohol

I was thirteen at the time

So a late starter where I grew up

We stole a bottle of sherry from his Dads booze cupboard

Snuck round the back...

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Seven years ago I tried to kill myself

I had a dead end job

A dead end house

A beautiful wife that I couldn’t satisfy

I had just come off an all day shift

Seven in the morning until eleven at night

Yes, people do still work them

More than we like to admit

When we are driving home in our Audi’s

At five in the afternoon

I was pretty bummed

It was dark and I was walki...

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I remember him now and then

When I’m feeling brave enough to recall my childhood

Mr. Strathclyde

He was a welcome break from the ceaseless banality of the suburbs

I’d see him every Saturday morning on my way to work

Damp panatela clamped between his gums

Stained string vest and pyjama bottoms

Smirking like he’d just told a racist joke that no one had heard

‘Morning sport’ h...

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As I pish pash down the monstrous streets of Paris

The rain makes the cheap neon shimmer and shiver

I am approached by a creaking vagrant

Shuddering and Grunting

Coughing and Wheezing

He pushes a shopping trolley containing maize

I secretly wish he will pass me by

But of course he does not

‘Want some corn’ he asks

‘That’s maize.’  I say

‘That’s not fit for human consu...

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